Je suis Charlie!

 

   "Je suis pizza de Charlie"(photo courtesy of Republican Herald)

After the recent attack in Paris I was told by my friend (I only have one), that I should go into hiding as satirists are under grave danger.  I considered that wise.  I plan to stay at the Schuylkill Mall in Frackville. 

Why should be go into hiding at the Mall? No one will find me there. Its my fortress of solitude when I want to be alone.

 In the past I had spoken to groups at the county’s French communities of Tré Mont, Mont Laffé, de Turks Ville, Grier Cité, Ravine, Marie Dé, and, Lac de Beury. They were not large groups and most of them did not comprehend my french. The largest group I ever appeared before was a group at the fry stand in Renninger’s Market. The fryer broke and I was able to talk for fifteen minutes to the hungry but hostile crowd.Whether they understood my french will never be known. My topic concerned frog legs. An important french topic.
So I have a connection with the French. Sort of. Learned the tongue at Nativity High School's "Language Lab" decades ago. Dois-je en dire plus?

After the Paris attack, I was told that I needed to cool it on the blog -  Especially with my articles on the cartoon characters that used to grace Garfield Square in Pottsville.  I was told that some people are offended by cartoons, to the point that they want to do bodily harm to those who depict certain characters in cartoon form.  

                     I can understand that and I feel their pain.  But with some good mental health therapy it gets better. Believe me.Cartoons, satire and parody never justify violence.

Little Lotta was depicted on Garfield Square at Christmas time about twenty years ago. I helped put her up. Apparently it was put there without being sensitive to the large overweight community of the county.  Despite my apology I was banned from many all-you-can eat church breakfasts for life.  

Broom Hilda was featured another year and it offended our growing Wiccan population.  Again I apologized but I am banned from the St. Clair Halloween Parade for life. Lastly, Mickey Mouse was depicted and it was called into question as being an offense to our state appellate judiciary. I apologized but was sentenced to house arrest for 30 days.  Quelle humiliation!

Do you know what it is like being in the house with Mammy for 30 days?? “Zut alors!”

 However in every instance I took my medicine (valium , if you really want to know) and learned my lesson.  

I vowed that there will never be a cartoon character on Garfield Square ever again.  And there never has been anymore. 

The New York Times and the Washington Post were hailed for releasing information leaked by Daniel Elsburg and Eric Snowden in the past. Supposedly they published top secret information.  Yet those papers and the other major media outlets, including the Republican Herald, now refuse to print or display the French magazine cover that resulted in the massacre of many innocent in Paris.  It is sort of a double standard. However the press and media are scared sh*tless and rightfully so.  Yet they weren’t so scared to display over the years photographs that were offensive to Christians, Jews or Buddhists.   

But everyone knows why they are so scared now. Even Fox TV is running scared.They will adopt self-censorship to appease fundamental islamists. No sense getting butchered by followers of the religion of peace, but until we stand up for our values and stop the fear-driven self-censorship, there will be no end to the butchering.  Every newspaper and media should proudly display a copy of Charlie.

       

   Above is a photo of the offensive magazine cover. Now I must go hide out at the Schuylkill Mall. No one will find me there. I will be all alone.   Take a look at many of the "offensive covers" on the link below:                                                           

                                        

                            

 Charlie Hebdo Magazine Cover Slideshow

Altamont: The Ultimate Director's Cut

Three days of Peace and Love in the “Mountain City.” That was forty years ago. Yes 1969 - the year that Lance Armstrong performed the first moonwalk, Ted Kennedy had his car cruise over a Cape Cod bridge (with disastrous results), The New York Mets won the World Series and Led Zeppelin released its first album - all milestones in our shared history.
But many of us have forgotten the famed Altamont Free Festival that attracted tens of thousands from across the county to the town of Frackville, drawn together by the raw energy that only polka music could create. Schuylkill Living Magazine recently hailed the Festival as one of the 10 greatest moments in the County’s Entertainment History (tied for third place with the 1964 Spelling Bee).
The festival was proof to a skeptical world that a generation of boilo-filled, hedonistic people could handle themselves well.
Now, at last, the moguls at San-Son Productions have released “Altamont: The Ultimate Director’s Cut” (English, with Ukrainian Subtitles). The total time to watch this amazing movie takes seventeen hours, so plan to waste an entire weekend and cancel all other plans you may have.
This edition is much better than any previous versions released in the past (whether VHS, Beta or ViewMaster). The clarity of DVD and Blu-ray now makes it possible to examine every strand in Yak Tam Billy Urban’s haircut and you can actually see some saliva fall from the spit valves on the trombones of the Shenandoah High marching band; that is how crystal clear the images are.
You may have seen the original theatrical release when it premiered at the Ritz in St. Clair but this expanded and remastered Ultimate Director’s Cut includes fifteen hours of newly discovered material, some never-before-published in their entirety, from a number of artists. You get to see Happy Louie singing his ode to bleenies, “ I think I’m Fixing To Fry Rag” with the crowd yelling out in Dolby surround unison, “E” -“I”-“O”, “E”-“I”-“O.” You get the full performances of legendary performers - all the big names, the little names, the real names, the imaginary names- You get Jolly Jack Robel, new footage of the butt-kicking Lost Creek Polka Dots, Jolly Joe Timer, Stosh “Scrubby” Svreweryniak, The Lower Shaft Slovene Orchestra cranking out the “Hoop Dee Doo Polka,” “Fast” Eddie Blayonczyk, Marion Lush, Walt Jaworski doing his “Strip Mine Czardas,” Ted Maksymowicz, and even Mrs. T singing an a capella “Ho-Siup Oj Dana Polka” while the rains poured down on the mass of humanity sitting in the mud. Her performance was compared to Joplin's Monterey Pop set in terms of raw energy and raw onions.

This historic release also incorporates reflections from the musicians, local politicians and other giants on the cultural significance of Altamont Free Festival 40 years later. Were the infamous “brown bleenies” actually that bad for you? How many potatoes did it take to fill the Mosh potato pit? Was Route 61 actually closed down? Was the festival actually held on the site of the Ashland Drive-In? Why did the legendary Jimmy Sturr fail to appear? Did Lil Andy intentionally set his accordion on fire, during the ‘Fire, Fire Polka’ or was it an accident? Was County Controller Metro Litwak correct when he said ‘We must be in heaven, man’?' Was there real nudity or did some of the full-figured Minersville women just accidentally split their stretch pants?

This Ultimate Director’s Cut gives you Clarinetist “Jolly” John Hyzny performing his burning hot, seventeen minute long “Liechtensteiner Polka,” The Individuals doing a dynamite “She likes Kielbasa Better Than Beer,” Stanky and The CoalCrackers doing a furious “No Beer In Heaven,” followed by an even more furious “Ice Cubes and Beer,” and the improvisational skills of Sly Stone, who filled at the last minute for Gene Wysnkcavage & his Gilberton Push, performing the unbelievable “I Want to Have A Kaiers”.
As a musical purist, I was especially excited to hear the remastered “Johnny’s Knocking (Puka Jasiu),” another gem found in this set, performed by Big Barrel Emil, with its unforgettable opening clarinet riffs.
The box set includes not only six discs, but tons of extras, booklets, garment and bicycle tire patches, babushkas, galoshes, Alka Seltzer, air fresheners, a truss and halushkie recipes. Well worth the $79.99.

Altamont Free Festival

The Altamont Free Festival ended up as the most infamous musical concert ever held in Schuylkill County.

It was held on the grounds of the Schuylkill Mall in northern Schuylkill County. It did not have to end like that as it had the makings of a great day. The performers were outstanding: The Jordan Brothers, The Other Side, Lil’ Andy, Tony Karpee, The Schuylkill Haven Belvederes’ Drum & Bugle Corp, Big Barrel Emil Simodejka, Buddy Widel Trio, The Individuals, and The Pottsville Barbershoppers.
With so many in attendance at the concert, some speculated that it would surpass Woodstock or the Bavarian Festival for sheer spiritual energy – surely the dawning of the new age. The venue was moved just a few days before the concert started under order of the local district magistrate. This was a premonition of the negative things to come.
The show began at noon on a cold December 6, 1969 on a stage that was only four feet high and would be surrounded by members of the Pagans, the Warlocks and the local Shriners, who acted as bouncers. There were no other security forces, so if they got out of line, there would be no stopping them.
By some accounts, the Warlocks were hired as security when the Tremont Division of the Eastern Star refused – a story that has been denied by all involved. All of the groups had provided security for other events in the county before, without incident but they never worked together. Altamont would be certainly different. The Warlocks, The local Shriners, and the Pagans would be a bad mix and not worth the $500 worth of beer that was rumored to be their salary. Surprisingly enough, 400,000 fans showed up even though deer hunting season was in high gear. Such a crowd that day brought the traffic on Route 61 and Interstate 81 to a crawl and even strained the restroom facilities within the Schuylkill Mall. Yes, there was violence at the festival as well as chaos - too much to talk about even almost forty years later. It has been said that wherever one finds violence, chaos is usually right behind; this would turn out to be an “anti-Woodstock, “anti-Bavarian Festival” and be forever known as the dark side of musical culture, immortalized in Don McLean’s famous “Shoo Fly Pie” wherein Li’l Andy presided over the “sacrificial rite” on the day Schuylkill County music died.
Who can forget the performance of “The Pottsville Barbershoppers?” This is the legendary group known for its tight vocal harmony, characterized by their consonant four-part chords for every melody note. It is said that the Pottsville Barbershoppers inspired such national groups as The Four Freshmen, The Limelighters, and The Beach Boys. Dressed in their red and white stripped blazers, they had just completed a dazzling twelve minute a capella foul-mouthed rendition of “Good-bye My Coney Island Baby” and had just started their suggestive encore of “I’ll Take You Home, Kathleen” when the violence began to escalate to serious proportions. No one knows who started swinging the pool sticks at the boilo-crazed people in the first row or who throw the quart bottles of Kaiers. Some say the Pagans, some say the Warlocks and others say Those Shriners. Although the concert was filmed by Sam-Son Productions for a planned Holiday television special on Pottsville’s Channel 7, it was impossible to determine who swung that cue stick or threw the bottle that resulted in bodily injury. It was filmed by Sam Lasante with a Bell & Howell Zoomatic Camera and the police were sure that it would offer a “complete record of the Altamont Free Concert.” The film was replayed thousands of times but to no avail. The police determined that the film did not depict violence about to commence but rather just showed the after effects of the violence. It was often compared to the Zapruder film.
No arrests were ever made. When the Pottsville Barbershoppers suddenly left the stage to be taken away by van to the Dutch Kitchen in Frackville, the crowds dispersed. Most headed home, some lingered to do Christmas shopping at the Mall, while others were too overcome by boilo and Kaier's beer and remained in the parking lot for days.

I was one of them.

Polka Club memories

I was at the Altamont Free Festival back in the late nineteen sixties. You know, the legendary celebration held in the south end of Frackville. How did I hear about it? Well, I was sitting at the counter at Phaon’s Diner waiting for my scrapple breakfast, listening to my Toshiba transistor radio which was tuned to the WPPA Sunday morning Polka show. It was difficult to hear polka music in my native west end of the county so I had to set the radio next to the window to get clearer reception. That is when I first heard that a free concert was planned to be held in Altamont with an intoxicating line-up of the county’s best bands. Later Yak Tam Billy Urban made the same announcement on WMBT, the station that played progressive polka music.

I knew it would a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I had to go to Altamont and be part of the county’s musical history. Just think about it, the Jordan Brothers, The Other Side, Lil’ Andy, Tony Karpee, The Schuylkill Haven Belvederes’ Drum & Bugle Corp, Big Barrel Emil Simodejka, Buddy Widel Trio, The Individuals, and so many others, all on one stage...and for free. The event would go down in Schuylkill County musical mythology.
It would be three days of peace and love in “The Mountain City.”
Before I tell you of the festival, I want you all to know that while my musical taste was based in “underground” Polka music, I was open-minded to listening to other forms of music. Underground polka music is the edgy polka music that did not have a mainstream following. Traditional polka music could be heard on the Lawrence Welk Show but I preferred the raw energy heard at the Bavarian Festival in Barnesville. The best polka music was not the sappy, upbeat, happy Myron Floren-variety, but rather the type of polka that reflected the dismal lifestyle of many of our county youths. This music circled itself around both aggression and crime (as found in the lyrics of “Who Stole the Keeshka?”) and misogyny ( “She’s Too Fat Polka”- utterly offensive to Rubenesque women). As an angry white boy, it was the music that spoke to me…it was both the music that annoyed anyone over thirty and was also the music to allow me to “get jiggy with the ladies.”
While polka music was unheard of in my native Pine Grove, misogynistic lyrics were not. In fact the west end “Hoe Down” music was notorious and the subject of a Grand Jury Probe on obscenity in the record industry. That will be a story for another day.
I was attracted to this new, high-energy polka music with its pulsating 2/4 beat, and I remained an underground polka aficionado for many, many years - a regular on the polka party club scene that flourished in the clandestine, boilo-fueled houses of northern Schuylkill county. I longed for those twelve hours of non-stop musical bliss. Minersville was a Mecca for polka clubbers like myself, where the all-night DJs would play the latest Jimmy Sturr, Frankie Yankovic, Stanky and Eddie Blazonczk albums for the revelers, remixing polka tracks in and out of each other. Some of these house DJs became celebrities in their own right; Jouz Cabachi, from WPPA, is one name that comes to mind. This legendary figure turned polka turntablism into an art form by beat mixing, matching and scratching, exploring the repetition and altering rythms of polkas, obereks, mazurkas and czardashes. Yes ear-shattering clarinets, accordians, alto saxes and trumpets all blending together! What a time to be alive! Stomping on people’s feet! Frantically pushing and shoving into the swirling crowd as if it was an out of control rugby game! Full-figured factory girls in their stretch pants seductively removing their babushkas and throwing them into the crowd; all the while the energy was fed by kielbassi and pierogies, washed down with boilo, Columbia beer and Kaier’s ale.
Whoop-I, Shupp-I!

Of course, we got criticism from our elders, as there were many injuries, mainly broken toes. Soon safety codes were enforced at the clubs due to the public outcry. The Bavarian Festival was shut down and many of the clandestine clubs turned themselves into respectable parking lots that began appearing in the area in the nineteen seventies.
I will have to tell you about the Altamont Festival some other time.