The American Revolution as interpreted by b b trout

            

For over a century, immigrants came to North America from Europe in search of economic opportunities.  For example, once they arrived, “cash only” pizza shops quickly sprouted up and down the Atlantic coast. They also came for religious freedom.  Soon a smart entrepreneur came up with the idea of Kwanzaa to rival Christmas in terms of merchantability. “Only in America.”  However these early settlements were established under the control of the European Monarchs and the settlers were expected to be loyal.

It was not easy for these early immigrants. There were no cities, no paved roads, no shopping malls, no GPS, and no air conditioning.  All they found were trees and rivers.  Everything had to be built by hand. Actually by hands. By using both hands, their work load was dramatically shortened.  Today, most of us living outside of Pottsville are blessed with paved roads.

Religious persecution was prevalent in Europe, and many of the immigrants were thankful that they would soon have shopping malls opened on Easter and Christmas where they could do mindless shopping without fear of beheading. However it would take many years until Benjamin Franklin opened the first shopping mall – the Schuylkill Mall- where he could fly his kite in the immense parking lot.  The Mall has not changed since that time and kite flying is more prevalent than ever there.

As generations came and went, a sense of being an American took hold, replacing the old sense of pride of being just a displaced European - except in certain areas of the country, such as Girardville, where in 2015, everyone in town still wears a button asking to be kissed because they think they are Irish and not American. 

Most Colonists began to tire of hearing about Europe and whether one should be kissed or not because of Gaelic breath. When watching TV these colonists wanted the weather girl to give them local forecasts. They were not concerned about the dew count in London or Holland or France.  They wanted traffic reports about the King's Highway that led to Sunbury, not traffic reports from overseas. They also became displeased with the costs of trade restrictions, making it more difficult to sell “American-made” goods, such as hip hop records, overseas. They were stuck with these hip hop records, and we still suffer the consequences today.

Except for those living in Girardville, the colonists began to view themselves as separate from Europe, and identified with the new colonial states as being independent from the mother country. Also King George III, who was King of England, got his country into an expensive war with France. Although he managed to increase England’s territory in the Americas by taking over former French colonies such as Canada and, closer to home, Tremont - it came at a high price.

To cover the costs of war, King George began to impose lots of taxes on the American colonies.  He even threatened to impose taxes on goods sold over the internet and for that he was called "Mad" King George, as the internet was yet to be discovered. The first tax  he came up with was called the Stamp Tax which required all printed materials to have a stamp placed on them.  

Colonists were were outraged, and responded by boycotting all British goods including English Leather Aftershave, Billy London clothing and Spice Girls albums.  Things got out of hand and the Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips Restaurant in Cressona was ransacked and burned to the ground. These fired up Americans also refused to place the stamp on any of their printed materials.  Magazines were gaining in popularity,  especially those that featured women of professional wrestling.

 

Many of the colonists began crying - "No taxation without representation!"  Those words became an instant sound-bite on the early cable network news stations.  King George soon caved in and magazines and the other reading materials no longer had to have a stamp.  However, new taxes were imposed on iced tea of all things.  This outraged the colonists to no end as they were hooked on Guers iced tea from the age of five, just like me.

Many refused to pay the tax.  In order to enforce these new tax laws, British officials requested military troops to aid them. This led to a bloody confrontation that became known as the New Boston Massacre.

The tax on the iced tea remained and in protest, men dressed up as Indians destroyed a truck load of iced tea that was being delivered to Brok-Sels.  To this day no one knows why the men did not simply drink the tea rather than waste it.

Without their iced tea, colonists began to suffer the symptoms of caffeine withdrawal and became more agitated. I don't know about you but  I need at least four half-pints a day. 

King George then imposed more restrictions upon the colonists, such as requiring helmets to be worn when riding on horseback. Again, more agitation to an already cranky population suffering from caffeine withdrawal.

Colonists in the Americas became increasingly convinced that they needed to take more aggressive steps in order to protect themselves and their liberty. They did not want to wear helmets on top of their pilgrim hats. That was intolerable.  Rumors circulated that smoking would be banned anywhere but the smokehouse.

Soon delegates from all 13 colonies convened in New Philadelphia to work as a group.  Resolutions were soon passed requesting that helmet laws be repealed and that all bakers be required to make cakes for gay weddings whether the cakes were ordered or not, or the cakes paid for in cash or on credit card. 

Tensions increased and soon all hell would break loose.  The men in the colonies prepared to protect their liberty by forming groups known as the Minutemen, a name given to them by their wives for some unknown reason. 

Before you know it Paul Revere and the Raiders began shouting "The Redcoats are coming!" (another sound-bite picked up by cable network news) and then sang their hit song that was sweeping the Colonies, "Cherokee Nation."  The crowds went wild. 
These events inspired Thomas Jefferson to write the Declaration of Independence in 1776. The Revolution in America began in earnest (actually in New Philadelphia, and not in Earnest).

                     The rest is history, or so you think. 

Today we celebrate this joyous occasion of liberty that all men and women are created equal to be free to drink as much iced tea as humanly possible, and that no helmets have to be worn when we ride a horse regardless of head size, that Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips will never return to Cressona, and finally, that bakers are now forced under penalty of law to immediately bake cakes for any wedding, regardless of the flavor of the cake or the number of tiers requested, or whether their ovens are in working order or not. 
               Isn't that what freedom is all about?

                                                    

                                 God Bless America. 

                 

two thumbs up

It is not often that I get to review a motion picture. Today I had the opportunity to watch “Pottsville And the Top 5.” and do a review for the beansoup blog. Why? Because I run the blog. its cold outside and there is nothing else to write about.
The film was recommended to me by a poster on the green screen. It was being hyped as an urban docudrama that everyone must see. I fell for hype before. Lots of times. Even this Christmas I went out and sold my blood just so I could buy my grandkids some zu zu pets. Then there were the hyped films. The Blair Witch Project. The Forty Year Old Virgin. American Pie. Knocked Up. All films that I was told I must see before I die. All of these were disappointments.

Would “Pottsville And the Top 5” also let me down? Not by a long shot. After having screened a VHS bootleg copy acquired at a local flea market I was utterly surprised by the film and I love it. It made me laugh. It made me cry. It made me sneeze. I felt moved in a way that rarely happens to me. I think the last time was when I watched Sean Connery in “The Molly Maguires.” And that was back in the late 60s at the Hollywood Theatre.

This movie certainly lived up to all of the hype, the hoop-la, and the brou-ha-ha (not necessarily in that order). The opening sequence really packed a punch and had me glued to my seat in anticipation. The script is excellent. The film seemed so real to me and it challenged me to think beyond what had been told to me by the well-cast actor, presumably playing himself. He is convincingly naturalistic, and actually likeable. Zaq Powers' method acting is simple, straight-forward, raw and powerful. Todd Todderson’s direction and cinematography are masterful. A new Fellini is now walking among us. He not only showed the beauty of the city and the surrounding area, but the film speaks about the people that reside in it.
One of the great strengths of the film is the editing. There is never a dull moment. You never know where the action will be taking place next, which does much to heighten the tension. It is beautiful, deep, adventurous, sad, and funny. I applaud the film-makers of Noleyone Productions for creating a hit out of a simple idea and handled so awesomely well.

What a concept. It is the philosophical, spawling journey of an energetic young man looking for freedom and adventure in Pottsville, Pennsylvania. This main character is searching for his own version of the American Dream. Will he find it? I won't spoil the ending for you.
This existental film was actually shot on location in the Schuylkill County seat on a limited budget, enticed here by the generous tax breaks offered by the city to filmmakers. To be honest though, one hilarious Borat-like scene was filmed in nearby North Manheim Township.
What the filmmakers managed to do with what they had is not only revolutionary, but also inspirational to other aspiring film makers throughout the southern anthracite coalfields. The gripping film reminded me of the naivete of youth and the way the young view the world. The diner scene was reminiscent of the Nicholson movie “Five Easy Pieces” and I assume that is where the Five comes from in the title.

Overall it is a moving and thought-provoking masterpiece despite the fact that the film omitted several well-known locations in the city, the soundtrack was somewhat loud and the script occasionally crossed the line between character development and character worship. The omission of the mysterious Spa 61 employees was the biggest letdown for me. This film is destined to become some kind of classic – an Easy Rider for the X, Y, and Z Generations (not necessarily in that order) – it defines the road film genre. It is a brilliant piece of arthouse experimental film-making.

(film is rated PG-13. No violence; no foul language; implied sexual reference; no drug use; may be offensive to women who do laundry).