sad news on the fate of the Mahantongo Street tree

It was most one of the dastardly deeds to befall the city of Pottsville. Some compared it to demolition of the Capitol Theatre, others compared it to the destruction of the old Y Building. However the city’s famed shade tree was cut down in the prime of its life, just as it was beginning to reach the rooftop of 802 Mahantongo Street.
Some may call it wanton vandalism. Others may call it domestic terrorism, I call it a political assassination. Yes, there is a heated tree contest going on in the city of Pottsville right now. With the fall of the axe, the Mahantongo Street tree is out of the competition.
And I was going to be the tree’s campaign manager – the Karl Rove of the tree competition, but now it is all over.

I was going to ask you, the readers who have wasted so much time reading this blog, to support the magnificent deciduous tree in its quest to be recognized as the official city tree.
Why, you ask, should anyone vote for that tree and not some other tree? What made the 802 Mahantongo Street tree so special?

No,it’s not because some believe (such as I) that this tree had mystical powers.

No, it’s not because of the legend that city founder John Pott sat under its branches for 49 days attempting to achieve enlightenment.

No, it is not because the tree has often been mistaken for the Cedars of Lebanon, Pennsylvania.

No, it is not because this tree inspired John O’Hara to move off of the street, relocate to Princeton and start drinking heavily.

It is simply because the tree represented our future.

Some have compared the Mahantongo and Norwegian street areas of Pottsville to Georgetown or Rittenhouse Square. I hope they are wrong. A tree such as the one at 802 Mahantongo Street would never have survived in those types of neighborhoods.

If people want to see a neighborhood full of prestige, charm and cleanliness, then I say let them go down to the Intermodal Transportation Center and get the hell out of town on some excursion trip to what they consider some yuppie wonderland.
What our city lacks in charm is made up tenfold in grittiness.
The tree was just one glorious living and breathing example of the mindset that sets us apart from say, Jim Thorpe or Lititz. It was our symbol of regret and missed opportunity. When visitors tour Mahantongo Street after visiting the brewery, this tree captured their imagination. It was the second most popular tourist attraction in the city according to the Visitors’ Bureau statistics. This is why our campaign slogan was going to be “Gritty, Grimy, Gloomy and Great!”* Now the visitors will have to be content to visit the large three story ladder on six hundred block which has been permanently affixed there as some sort of pop artwork until our tree rises once again from the earth.

There is a tendency in many societies throughout history to worship or mythologize trees; trees have played an important role in giving deep and sacred meaning throughout the ages. Driving on Mahantongo Street over the years I have carefully observed the growth of this tree from a baby sapling. I marveled at the elasticity of its branches, its shyness as it hugged the building wall, its annual decay and revival, and the way it arched its way through the porch up to the heavens. It’s rustling of its innumerable leaves was a spell of music, a funeral durge to be exact, to passerbys.

I will miss that tree and the skank culture it brought to the once high falutin street. And now the tree is gone, just a memory. Just as Nancy Kerrigan was knocked out of the ice skating competition by Tanya Harding, our beloved tree was most likely done in by a worried competitor. Maybe the tree could still win the contest posthumously if you really care enough.

*slogan is now available for other candidates to use.

polling results - we have a winner!

The "thing on Mahantongo Street" was declared to be a shade tree and will receive all of the perks that come with that designation as bestowed by the Pottsville Shade Tree Commission. *
Yes, the votes cast were underwhelming, but a certified tabulation by the Schuylkill County League of Women Voters In Crisis (a recent merger of two organization precipitated by the recent Commonwealth budget crisis).
Although not one vote was cast for “shade tree,” a plurality of the votes cast apparently determined the thing to be a “son of a beech.”

“A beech is a shade tree!” ruled the League of Women Voters In Crisis, "so a son of beech must also be a shade tree." Although there was apparent confusion over how trees reproduce.

Pottsville’s betting parlors were in a frenzy after the decision was announced; as the odds-on winner was projected to be “Its part of the recent Skankification project.”

“Election fraud!” was echoed through out the county, even in Frackville which has no trees. “What is this, Afghanistan Tehran or Luzerne County!”
Some argued that it was the butterfly ballot which made it difficult for many to determine that a vote for the European beech was a vote for “shade tree.”
“No one voted for shade tree. How on earth can a vote for a beech tree be tabulated as a vote for a shade tree?
"This is a sign or evidence of widespread rigging."
"The Rest Haven votes were not counted as the patients did not know how to turn on the computers."

"The write-in votes for bamboo cast on etch-a-sketches, and not computers, were thrown out."

Apparently two votes were cast for “Venus fly trap” causing the outrage over election irregularities to escalate. Many argued that these votes were cast due to the so-called “dimple vote” – the voter was not pressing hard enough on one of the other options and fingers slipped onto the “son of a beech tree” selection. The two who voted for Venus fly trap were also compared to those who voted for Ralph Nader in the 2000 presidential election - wasting a vote on a spoiler with no chance of winning.
The Schuylkill Haven Call editorialized that “fraud was so pervasive that nearly a quarter of all votes should be thrown out. Mammy Trout has admitted to voting at least three times. How could anyone think that the 800 block of Mahantongo Streer is harboring a Venus fly trap large enough to devour a dog, an innocent child or even the typically-sized man that frequents Renninger's Market on a Sunday morning in order to purchase his sticky buns?”
Some complained that many of those who cast a vote were probably under the influence and their votes should not count. All fingers pointed to Mammy Trout.

To them I say “this is America and the vote of a drunk is just as important as the vote of someone sober.”

Just remember; there were not “many” votes to begin with, only eleven.
Despite this controversy, “the thing on Mahantongo Street” will be sworn in officially as a protected street shade tree on January 20th in a pompous ceremony featuring the City Code Enforcement Office, a handful of Vulcans, the Tree Commission and the Third Brigade Band (playing “Tie A Yellow Ribbon Around the Old Beech Tree”), a large group of tourists visiting Yuengling Brewery, street people, and a few dogs. Until the dedication, the "shade-tree elect" will recieve round-the-clock protection from Pottsville's finest street crossing guards.

There will be no run-off election! Na da! The Schuylkill County League of Women Voters In Crisis will now focus its attention on the upcoming Jury Commissioner race which is too close to call.

*perks include Miracle-Grow and water

Shade Tree or Weed?

Pottsville’s street trees are now showing off their majestic autumn colors!

I took a few photographs around town and this is my favorite. Someone argued with me over whether it is a street tree or not. He said it was a weed…a tall two story weed. I disagreed. I told him there is a weed ordinance in the city that prohibits weeds from being more than one story tall. Another passerby chimed in and told me that whatever it is, it was planted during a city Skankification project and therefore it is to be revered. If I wanted to, I was told I could take a leaf and show it to Porcupine Pat who could determine the species. I am now confused, so I will go out on a limb and leaf it up to you, the readers. let's see what the poplar vote tells us. Oakey-dokey.

What the heck is that thing growing on the 800 block of Mahantongo Street? VOTE ON THE POLL FOUND TO THE RIGHT OF THE BLOG. No dangling chads please! Read the voting instructions prior to casting your vote.

Here is the city ordinance prohibiting weeds from growing more than one story tall:

It shall be the duty of every person who shall hold title in any capacity to or have possession of or be responsible for the management or upkeep of any land or lot of ground upon which any noxious weeds, as herein defined, may be growing in excess of one story in height to cut or destroy the same and also to prevent such weeds from flowering or going to seed and the seed of the same from ripening.

[Amended 6-12-2006 by Ord. No. 734]
Noxious weeds include burdock, chicory, crabgrass, garlic or wild onion, goldenrod, horse nettle, milkweed, morning glory, mullen, perennial thistle (including Canada, Russian, sow, bull and other thistles), poison ivy, quack grass, ragweed, sumac, wild carrot, wild lettuce, wild mustard, wild parsnip and wild snapdragon, and all other weeds and growths not herein specifically mentioned.