City of Pottsville mulls tattoo tax

             City of Pottsville mulls tattoo tax

                       (above, city council mulling tattoo tax - photograph courtesy of the Republican Herald newspaper)
Anticipating a looming budget crunch, the city of Pottsville plans to appoint a panel of citizens, business leaders and artistans to study the pros and cons of a yearly levy on tattoos.   

With the rapid expansion of non-profits within the city evaporating the property tax base, stark challenges face the city to tackle the inevitable deficit. 

The Pottsville Club has recently been removed from the tax rolls and it is anticipated that the downtown Thompson Building will soon be removed from the rolls - if the plans to transform the building into a home for the sufferers of Boreas Apokriésphobia come to fruition.  For those not versed in greek language, that translates into a home for those who have a fear of winter carnival. 

Rumors also persist -, with the help of this blog - that Barefield Development will acquire every remaining bank within the city limits by the end of 2016 forcing the city to mint its own new currency featuring the likeness of the former mayor Claude Lord.

Opponents of the new tax believe that there are better ways to increase revenue and have suggested that the city sell naming rights to potholes found along the city’s decaying infrastructure. 

Proponents believe that a tax on tattoos could allow the city to cover any deficit and avoid more drastic measures, like turning off all traffic lights during day-light hours, limiting snow removal to the summer months, having trash pick-up in months that only end in “R,” or filling JFK pool up only to the three foot level.

To address the looming shortfall, proponents have suggested that the city council consider a tax of up to $1.25  per every 2.54 centimeters* on tattoos, a move that some say would generate about $225,000 per year in added revenue.  Furthermore, with the obesity epidemic in full swing, these tattoos will stretch over time gradually increasing the amount of tax revenue without tinkering with the tax rate.  For example, one young woman who had a tattoo of a hummingbird inked onto her abdomen ten years ago would have been taxed approximately $2.50; but over time, with the help of a staple diet of funnel cake and pizza, that hummingbird will have grown to the size of a bald eagle. As a result, the tax would have increased proportionately to about $15.00.

Some councilmen believe that taxing tattoos is unconstitutional - a violation of first amendment rights, citing the beloved tattoo of the American flag that Betsy Ross had inked across her entire back.   

Exemptions from the tax would have to be made to withstand a court challenge.  At this point in the discussion, The City Treasurers Office will have cards to be filled out allowing the following exemptions:

1.      Tattoos that depict religion or religious symbols, such as a cross, menorah, star of David, crescent moon, Thor's hammer, etc.

2.      Tattoos that are political symbols, such as the statue of liberty, elephants, donkeys, hammer and sickles, etc.

3.      Tattoos that depict political personalities, such as portraits of Metro Litwak, Tom Corbett, Herman Cain, Nancy Pelosi, former Mayor Reilly, etc.

4.      Tattoos that depict one’s Irish heritage, such as leprechauns, shamrocks, “Kiss me I’m Irish,” Claddaghs, etc.

5.      Tattoos commonly referred to as “tramp stamps” that are found on the lower-back side of women under the age of 26 that seem to cry out the words, “buy me three drinks and I’ll do anything you ask me to do.”  Proof of age will be required to qualify for this exemption, as this latter exemption was slipped into the ordinance proposal due to the overwhelming popularity of the “tramp stamp” on young women.

Mayor James T. Muldowney emphasized Tuesday that the city council has not made a decision about a tattoo tax and that he wants citizens to weigh in on the proposal in the coming weeks.

“There’s a lot to digest here,” Muldowney said. “I want everybody to get as educated as they can (on this), please contact city hall with any comments while we continue to mull.”

* Pottsville adopted the metric system in 2006.

Pottsville Club: then and now

                                                                                 

The City of Pottsville is in heated negotiations with the bank that holds title to the well-known Pottsville Club. The County newspaper recently reported that city officials view the premises as a prime location as a future recreation center.  Negotiations are “hush hush” but a certain blabbermouth, whose identify will remain confidential,  has told me that the Pottsville Club - which was formerly the Ski Lodge- may feature the first indoor curling arena in the entire county.    If not, the trusted chatterbox told me that it could become a city-run, “all-you-can-eat” chicken wing house.  Apparently consuming large quantities of chicken wings is even a more popular recreation than curling. For me, it’s a toss-up.

     THREE GOOD REASONS THAT THE CITY OF POTTSVILLE SHOULD OWN THE POTTSVILLE CLUB

The city take-over of the Pottsville Club has numerous benefits. The first benefit that comes to mind is that a local bank that holds title could be eligible for a large tax deduction.  Who can argue against that?  I can’t.  Enough said.

Secondly, it keeps Pottsville on course of increasing the percentage of publicly owned land within the city limits.  This cuts down on the number of delinquent taxpayers and saves on postage to boot.  No need to send out real estate tax bills twice a year.  Another big win for the city. 

Thirdly, and more importantly, with title to the real estate, the city will become owner of the Pottsville Club’s famed recipes.  This means that the city of Pottsville will own the recipe to the mouth-watering onion soup that had been fed to Pottsville Club members for over one hundred years!  

It is hard to describe in words how spectacular the French onion soup at the Pottsville Club was.  It was topped with, I believe, melted Gruyère cheese from Brummerstown Valley.  Mmmmm….

The Club’s French onion soup has played an integral part of Pottsville’s history as well as popular culture.  In John O’Hara’s book “Appointment in Samarra” the main character, Julian English, throws a bowl of onion soup into the face of Harry Reilly at the Gibbsville Club.  This was the first exposure of the Club’s soup to those living outside the confines of Schuylkill County.  It made O’Hara a world-renowned author and very wealthy. He made enough money to move from Schuylkill County and settle in Princeton, NJ.

 In 1925, when the Maroons football team won the NFL championship,  a player was heard on WPPA answering the question of how the victory would be celebrated with these words:

           “We’re going to the Pottsville Club and have French onion soup!”  

Unbeknownst to him, the wide receiver would not be permitted into the Club as he did not have a suit and tie on, and his social status was questionable to boot.   In the Sixties, the rock group, The McCoys, were inspired by the beloved consommé ( with its cheese almost glued to the bowl)  to record the hit record, “Hang On Soupy.”   That song became the county’s anthem for a while, played at the Ski Lodge, the Y dances, the Mayor's Parking Lot dances and the Moose. 

                                                                

However, two decades later a popular movie featuring the Club’s onion soup took the country by storm. The film was “Young Frankenstein.”  Who can forget the scene when the blind hermit Harold ( played by Gene Hackman)  was sitting alone at the Pottsville Club, when the Monster (played by Peter Boyle) bursts through the door, walks past the hostess,  and sits with him.  The blind Harold is overcome with delight, welcoming him.

Harold: "but your hand is frozen, my child. How does a nice bowl of French onion soup sound to you?

Monster: On-yonn Sooo-ppp! Mmmmmm!

You know the rest of the story…how the onion soup gets on poured on the Monster….and Dot, the hostess, throws both of them out of the Club.  If you forgot, then dust off a VHS tape, insert , and press the play button.

 Enough said.  Pottsville needs to procuring the Pottsville Club building and grounds.  No ifs, ands or buts (not necessarily in that order).  It will be the most important acquisition of land by the government since Jefferson’s Louisiana purchase.  Well maybe not quite that important. 

In any event, our public officials need to keep the potage recipe from falling into the hands of people not worthy to partake of such delicacy and help a local institution in getting a tax break along the way.

THE YORKVILLE REFERENDUM

After attending a seminar in Arkansas, Mammy and I had to return to Schuylkill County for the big referendum being held this November.  We flew back and landed at Zerbe International Airport.  We were used to the delays that customs and the numerous security checks create. Mammy filled out the declaration form and reported the armadillo; not like the last time.  I reported two boxes of Whitewater Taffy.

Due to the recent public announcement by the Pottsville Surgeon General about the spread of bleenia, we experienced another 45 minute delay as there now was the physical examination required to prevent the illness from entering or leaving the county. The airport security guard checked my fingers for any tell-tale signs of grease or onion and then cotton-swabbed my mouth for any signs of potato pancake residue, and, just for the heck of it, performed a hernia test. I hailed a cab and we left the airport after testing negative for bleenia and also negative for hernia.

We headed back to Schuylkill County to participate in the plebiscite involving independence for Yorkville.  Finally the residents are going to vote on whether to secede from its union with Pottsville!  It’s been in all of the papers and on the radio and the people are getting really worked up.

The union between Yorkville and Pottsville goes back over 100 years and the merger has been peaceful for the most part.  Before the union, Yorkville had been an independent borough settled primarily by German immigrants.  The Germanic influence can still be seen everywhere.  Many of the men still wear lederhosen, while the women still wear bodices, skirts and aprons (not necessarily in that order).  The citizens still eat soft pretzels and sausage daily. German-named stores abound.  For instance, one can find  Dimmerling's Candy store, Lotz’s Cafe, Sauer’s Toy Store (where I bought my first spud gun) and the Sheetz gas station.

Later Pottsville became the business center with its thriving downtown. Pottsville also supplied much employment to Yorkvillians and others, in its numerous mills, factories and stores.  

Something happened over the years. Businesses, stores, factories and mills are no longer around.  Not only did the mines close, NAFTA allowed us to buy foreign-made Big Pecker t-shirts real cheap, resulting in the local garment factories closing. Pottsville finally threw in the towel in trying to attract industry or good jobs. Social Services and public housing now dominate the psyche of Pottsville and its past economic success is long forgotten; or, if remembered, causes embarrassment. Yorkville now has a more thriving business district than downtown Pottsville.  It is expanding its economic base along the Gordon Nagle Trail. Yorkville sees its future different than Pottsville. Yorkville and Pottsville think differently.  Yorkville does not want to discard its work ethic. Pottsville had abandoned its work ethic long ago. This is the reason for the vote.

Pottsvillians now pin their hopes on the Thompson Building becoming a homeless shelter, joining the other numerous social services it provides, such as the Women’s Shelter, the prison, the Zoup kitchen, section 8 housing, Children & Youth, and mental health facilities.  Yes, these social services do provide jobs to many, and also help some underprivileged.  But the downtown is not the same. As time goes by, more social services will replace the empty stores on Centre Street. 

The Pottsville Surgeon General has issued a new report about the rampant Microdeckia that has settled over the city.  Microdeckia is Latin for “not playing with a full deck.”  The Surgeon General coined that word one evening after leaving the Eagles Club for a stroll down Centre Street towards the Oasis Bar. Has the so-called social safety net actually increased the incidence of Microdeckia? Is the cart now pulling the horse? Will there ever room for anything else in the downtown?

The election campaign is in full swing right now. I am voting for Yorkville Independence. Not because of the high amount of our taxes going to support the downtown, but because I dream about getting a cushy job with the new Yorkville Administration someday. Something with a defined benefit retirement plan. Mammy wants one too. My daughter Santana, doesn't want a job. Work gives her the creeps. She thinks she has a shot at becoming Miss Yorkville. She looks good in a bodice, skirt and apron.

             Vote Yes on Independence for Yorkville.

The ice tub challenge

With all of the hoopla over the ice bucket challenge, many people are unaware of its local Schuylkill County origin.

Some say it had it began in the late 19^th century in Mahanoy City at the Kaier Ice Plant.  Others say it began at The Knickerbocker Ice Co. located at Tumbling Run.   One stubborn hold-out believes it began at Rita’s Italian Ice outside of Schuylkill Haven on July 4, 2013.

While these people differ, they all agree that the ice bucket challenge, which has raised so much needed money for ALS research, had its start somewhere in Schuylkill County. 

Ice blocks in Mahanoy City

 Well-respected historians argue that when 19th century beer baron Charles Kaier built a large ice plant in Mahanoy City for the purpose of keeping his beverage cold, someone got the bright idea to raise money to combat the bleenia epidemic plaguing  northern Schuylkill County.  As we all know, carpal funnel-cake syndrome(CFCS) was plaguing the southern end.  Some of those who resided on the dividing line of northern and southern Schuylkill County suffered from both simultaneously. Poor bastards.

The first ice bucket challenge got off to a “pour” start (pun intended) as the ice at the Kaier plant consisted of large, heavy blocks.  The small, drink-size ice cubes (as well as rubic cubes) were not yet invented.  The idea was for a notable personality, such as Nicholas Biddle, Captain Jack Crawford or Judge Pershing, to challenge five others to have an ash tube full of ice dropped on his or her head.

 The ice drop was to be captured by camera by nationally recognized photographer, George Bretz, who we all know, gained his fame taking action pictures of anthracite coal miners.  Bretz had volunteered his services after seeing first-hand the scourge of bleenia at a block party in Mahanoy City. The compassionate shutter-bug wanted to help those afflicted with this strange greasy, potato pancake obsession.  

 

Once developed, his photographs were to be mailed to the Shenandoah Herald, the Miners Journal, and the Mahanoy City Record American for the world to see (or at least parts of Schuylkill County to see).  Remember that cable television had yet to be invented in Mahanoy City yet; newspapers were the main method of communication ( besides the lost art of talking person-to-person).  It would be decades before Schuylkill Countians would be hooked on cable television with entire families gathering around the television set to watch such classic shows as The Real McCoys, Sea Hunt, and (The Fully Clothed) Dating Game,  which didn't insult our intelligence and were story and character driven; not the garbage that is on today. 

In those early days entertainment was confined to the newspapers’ crossword puzzles or, if none, spending hours looking for any misspelled words.

 It was believed that the ice tub challenge would then “snowball” (pun intended) as readers would hurry to join in on the action after making a donation to Stamp Out Bleenia.  

It was a very, very complicated operation.

strong women with tongs

It needed the cooperation of the brewery baron, the U.S. Post Office, the ice plant, the Knights of Labor, Western Union, iron and steel entrepreneur Charles Atkins who manufactured the ash tubes, the fledgling telephone company and, most importantly, big, strong women with tongs to lift the ice into the tubs.

ice tub challenger

Unfortunately the ice tub challenge was a disaster with too many people received concussions, fractures and cold shoulders (not necessarily in that order) from the weight of ice blocks.  Only $5.85 cents was raised before expenses were paid to combat bleenia. George Bretz was so appalled by the injuries and horror that he witnessed that he retreated back into the shelter of the coal mines, but not before taking the $5.85 to spend on bleenies.

                                       Insult upon injury.

Several years later the challenge was revived after the Pottsville Iron and Steel Plant created a primitive, hand-held tray to make small cubes of ice, making the ice drop challenge less hazardous.  The original trays contained only four cubes each.

Tumbling Run was the site of the revived event, raising several hundreds of dollars to combat CFCS.  Incidentally, the Tumbling Run event was also the precursor to the wet tee shirt contest, that we all take for granted but hold dear to our hearts, after one man's long johns got soaking wet. Women were not permitted into wet tee shirt contests until after decades of protests, demonstrations and marches resulted in the passage of the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution.  The popularity of that contest soon sky-rocketed. 

 Unfortunately the Challenge faded quickly into obscurity as Schuylkill Countians were more interested in using the smaller cubes to make mixed drinks such as Scotch on the Rocks for immediate consumption.  It would be decades before the local population enjoyed cocktails which made life so much more comfortable,  such as the frozen  banana daiquiri, the Singapore Sling and Sex on the Beach.