UFO over Pottsville

The Republican Herald on April 29th featured this story on the UFO sighting in Pottsville
Officials: Object not UFO; but what was it?
It was disappointing; it was part of the continuing cover-up of extra-terrestrial visits.

However, here is proof that aliens have made contact with Schuylkill County! Please study the above photograph carefully. Ignore the photograph to the right.

This is not some paper lantern released by some drama or glee club. Notice a saucer-shaped object above the Schuylkill County Courthouse. If you magnify the photograph you will faintly make out several courthouse employees having a tobacco break.

Proof that the photo is authentic!

The person who captured this photograph, referred to only as Mammy T. (she desires to keep her identity confidential) sat for an exclusive interview.

Q. Mammy T, where were you when this photograph was taken?
A. I was bird watching on Lawton’s Hill, looking for a downy woodpecker, when my binoculars nearly got knocked out of my hands by the gigantic intergalactic flying object.

Q. How long was it visible?
A. For about three minutes about 100 feet above me, it just wobbled and floated in air. The same amount of time it takes for the traffic light to turn green if you are waiting at the corner by the Necho Allen, trying to turn left onto Centre Street. It was during that time frame that I snapped the now famous photograph.

Q. What was your first reaction?
A. I was scared… the thing was bigger than a house. I remembered what I was taught in grade school, if ever I was involved in an extraterrestrial encounter…. I stopped, dropped and rolled.

Q. Did you get any other photographs?
A. No, I could have but I needed to text a take-out order from Charlie’s Sub Shop. By the time I finished texting the saucer had disappeared.

Q. Where did it go?
A. I donna know. I was too busy texting in my hoagie order, trying to spell out the word mayonnaise…boy, is that hard to spell... especially after stopping, dropping and rolling….I should have just used the abbreviation mayo.

Q. Did you talk to anyone about what you had just witnessed?
A. The people at the shop. They thought I was a kook. So I paid for my hoagies and quickly left. After that I just clammed up and kept this to myself until now. I was scared for me and my family. The government does not want this information out.

Q. Do you have any opinion as to why the spacecraft selected Pottsville?
A. Yes. I have several differing theories. One is that the area may appear to them to be a black hole. Take a look at the parking lot at Market and Second Street. Say that doesn’t look like a black hole? Two has to with the pending Intermodal being erected near Mootz’s Candy Store. Boy, do I love their peanut rolls... Aliens may believe that the Intermodal is some sort of welcome mat. My last theory is the one I am leaning towards. The American Way, or May Fair, is somehow a part of a planned alien invasion that has already been undertaken. Did you hear that famed British scientist Screamin’ Jay Hawkins has warned us that we must avoid aliens at all cost as they are dangerous? That is why I avoid the moon walk at the fair.

Q. Why the May Fair?
A. It is possible that the people at the May Fair were being harvested and fattened as a food supply for the aliens. On the other hand, the extra-terrestrials may actually enjoy the festival, mingling with the revelers, blending in with the crowd. Time will tell, but don't let your guard down. Trust no one.

Q. Have you have any alien encounters since?
A. Since that day, I had one brief telepathic communication with the aliens.

Q. What was the message communicated to you?
A. I was told how to spell the word mayonnaise. It is a word I will never forget. Two n's.