what's next?

I have lectured for years on what I call “The Domino Theory.” I theorized that if one county came under the influence of home rule, then the surrounding counties would follow suit, discarding the county code. It was called the Domino Theory, not because of the pizza, but what I believe to be this falling domino principle.

Set up dominoes in a row, and then try knocking one over. What should happen is it that the others begin to fall, one after another. Try this experiment at work. Instead of wasting time on your computer or cell phone, bring an old fashioned domino game with you and place the pieces on the floor. Get your co-workers to join in the experiment.

Home rule already exists in several counties in Pennsylvania – Erie, Delaware, Lehigh, Lackawanna. Looking at the map of Pennsylvania, I decided to change the name of my theory from Domino to "The Twister Theory" since the state's home rule counties are not all contiguous. The name comes from the board game in which the players stretch all over a big plastic mat. Mammy and I actually met each other on a Twister plastic mat, so it has special meaning to me. Twister is a lot more fun than dominoes especially if you have the right partner.
Here is a good Youtube video to assist those of you not familar with the game: Twister.

The blasphemous evil, home rule, that began in other counties has now reached our northern border, with the voters recently passing the Home Rule referendum. Lehigh also borders us on the east and home rule is there also. We have double trouble.
Some locals may soon encourage the spread of this unholy doctrine here. As a fundamentalist (with emphasis on the first syllable) I believe that the County Code is something that must be respected and followed, and not discarded and replaced like a year-old telephone directory - remember that even old phone books may contain valuable unused money-saving coupons.

To combat this insidious influence that hovers around us, many suggestions have been proposed. Yes, it may be possible to set up refugee centers for shelter to those fleeing the approach of the menacing new government. Yes, we can beam radio and television programs into Luzerne County promoting the benefits of the three Commissioner form of government. Yes, we can circulate posters with the theme “Keep Calm and Carry On” to boost morale and relieve tensions within our county. Yes, we can commence an economic boycott and stop shopping in counties that have home rule. Shop locally, shop Renninger’s Market! Yes, we can also build an electric fence to protect our borders stretching from Ringtown to Andreas.

So many great ideas! So much time!
I know that I could never live under a governmental system that did not provide two elected ceremonial jury commissioners (one from each major party) and a variety of elected row officers. I would not want Mammy and our children, my children from my prior relationships, Mammy’s children from her prior relationships, and any other children I may have missed to live under such a system.

At this point in our 200 year old history I compare our plight to the plight of the ancient Israelites at the Macarana fortress and I am willing to make the same sacrifice that those defenders made to protect their way of life. I hope you feel the same as I do.

To those who think that I am exaggerating the evils of home rule, I say that it this only the first step down a slippery slope. Soon there will be an attempt to shrink the size of our state legislature and cut back on the legislative perks. After that will be an attempt to sell off the state store system. Maybe some smart-ass will even propose eliminating elected local tax collectors? Where will it end? The imposition of Sharia law? Why don't these people let well enough alone?