Mount Carbon: today and yesterday

The relentless demands placed upon the mayor of Mount Carbon to release his birth certificate are placing the tiny hamlet of Mount Carbon in the spotlight this election season. This so-called birther movement insists that ‘his honor’ is not the youngest head of the tiny community as publicized; they believe that there were several former Mount Carbon mayors younger – one as young as seven.
So here is a quick look at the history of Mount Carbon – often confused with Mount Olympus, Mount Rushmore and Port Carbon.

Mount Carbon, the mystical, elven fishing village, is well-hidden in the moorlands and foothills of the Sharp Mountain, somewhere between Greater Pottsville and the steep-walled valley of Outer Pottsville (the so-called hill of the forests). It is situated on rising ground behind the hythe, or small landing, on the west bank of the Schuylkill River. It is sometimes referred to as a kingdom under the mountain.
At one time the village also encompassed the east bank of the river. The boggy nature of that land made for above-ground habitation rather than the traditional hobbit-holes commonly found elsewhere in Mount Carbon.

After the invasion of 473 by a horde of Winter Carnival Vulcans this eastern settlement was destroyed, conquered and replaced by the Greater Pottsville Sewer Authority. This area still remains a sewer spot today. In 510 a wall was then built around the village, with the help of the dwarves of the nearby glittering caves, preventing further pillage and looting. Remnants of the wall are still visible to passer-bys today, especially those frequenting Julian’s Café.

Mount Carbon has become synonymous with an earthly utopia – a happy land, isolated from most of the world, reachable primarily by canal boat - a place of peace and tranquility. It has a human population of approximately eighty, an undetermined number of Sindarin elves, hobbits and gnomes, fifteen dogs, eight cats, and two finches and one bog turtle.

It was founded as far back as the end of the First Age, sometime during the Years of the Trees when the Dwarf Fathers awoke from beneath Sharp Mountain. The origins of its inhabitants are obscure, but it believed they were pre-Númenóreans. The villagers maintain a long-lasting friendship with the trolls and the mountain people of North Manheim, a nearby township, or shire, ever since the peace treaty of 947.

Originally the head of state was the king who exercised power over the original inhabitants, with the assistance of a tribal council. Now the leader is to be elected by the populace, with the king remaining only a figurehead who officiates at the monthly firehouse’s 80-20 drawings. The royal standard of Mount Carbon still remains an image of a white tree in blossom upon sable field, surrounded by seven Bavarian beer caps and surmounted by a halibut.

Before the time that the girls gone wild invaded Goodfellas and before the war of the wrath, the village was rumored to be covered with the pearls, opals and East Penn bus tokens that the elves found in the flowing Schuylkill River, apparently tossed overboard by careless passengers on the canal boats travelling between Pottsville and Philadelphia that carried high rolling gamblers and floozies, not necessarily in that order.

On the site of the present day Pottsville Pizzeria was located a famed inn - The Prancing Pony - which was visited by travelers from all parts of the world and elsewhere. It was the chief edifice within the village, built along the great road, or Centre Turnpike. It had fine Bavarian Lord Salisbury Ale. It is where the art of smoking pipeweed began.

When the canal boats ceased to run, the shipbuilding stopped and the docks at its port fell into decay and the Prancing Pony was demolished. The village had been dependent upon the River for contact with the outside world. It was the major crossroad due to its location on a major travel route. With the canal not to reopen for at least another ten years, its major industries remain saloons, pizza, hoagies and fresh fish (halibut).