All hail new year baby 2014!

 

The anticipation builds. More excitement it seems than over the selection of Pope Francis.  Schuylkill County awaits the arrival of its newest citizen. 

Times have changed since the early days of the contest. Now the winning mother and the father (if properly identified) may be entitled to free paternity testing, free day care, section 8 housing, heating subsidy, cell phone (with unlimited texting), legal services, food assistance, medical assistance, and educational grants. 

To keep up with the times the dry cleaning prize has been changed from cleaning of suits and dresses to cleaning of  sweat pants or pajamas for either parent.

 

The local bookies are waiting to place your bets.  

 

Reflections on November 1963

                                  Yes, I know I am a little late.  I have been busy.

The Republican Herald newspaper already had a special edition on reflections of the events of November 22nd, 1963, which occurred a half a century ago.  Everyone my age has a story to tell about where they were on that date.  The paper refused to publish my reflections on that fateful day despite by repeated calls into "Thunder and Lightening."

                                                                 So here it goes.

 That morning I decided to bag school and I headed into Pottsville.  I took a bus into the city. It was a green East Penn bus.  You can tell East Penn busses by the thick fumes emitted. I sat in the third row, behind the bus driver, near the window.  When I arrived I had a quick bite to eat at the Trailways Bus Terminal restaurant.  The word “brunch” had not yet been invented yet, but if it had been invented, you could say I had brunch. It consisted of a hamburger and a cherry coke with fries.  I had mustard on my burger, along with a slice of dill pickle.  I remember it well. It was medium-well done.

I walked west on Norwegian Street and then north on Centre Street. Centre Street was busy then. There were actual stores on the street as well as people. People who were not deranged. Or they kept their derangement to themselves. At least most of them.

My favorite store was “Winnie’s”.  Its storefront featured one box of TIDE in the window. The store shelves inside were empty but the place was a beehive of activity. Talk about low overhead. I went in and played my favorite number.

My favorite number was 666. The mark of the beast. It still is my favorite number even though Winnie's is long gone. Sometimes I get my favorite number confused with 999.

Then I got down to business, I spent an hour in Tally’s Pool Hall, smoking and engaging in  friendly games of eight ball.  I learned more math from that pool table than I ever did in school. Then the news came on the radio.  Wee Willie Whistle, a country singer who was singing his heart out on WPPA, was rudely interrupted by newscaster Jim Thompson that the president had been shot in Dallas.  I remember muttering out loud, “Wow, Dallas…that is so close to Wilkes-Barre.”  I was  quickly corrected; the “Dallas” in question was in Texas, not in Luzerne County. 

I  picked up my winnings (about $11) and I headed to Malarkey’s store which had television sets for sale.  I went inside and I became literally glued to the TV set. It was an Admiral floor model.

My hand became stuck as I had some glue with me. I carried the glue for medicinal purposes only. After an hour, the store clerk brought some hot, soapy water over; I was finally unstuck and  Mr. Malarkey told me to get out of the store.  I felt remorse for the mess I caused on his TV set. I used my winnings to buy some records from Malarkey's before I left. I bought Jimmy Gilmore's "Sugar Shack," as well as Phil Spector's new Christmas album which featured one of the greatest Christmas songs of all-time.  Spector went on to become a United States Senator from Pennsylvania elected once as a Democrat, twice as a Republican and once as Whig. Coincidentally he was on Congress' Assassination Committee and formulated the controversial silver bullet theory.  It was disproven along with the existence of werewolves.

I got on another East Penn bus and headed home with a trail of gassy fumes blocking the view of all cars behind us.  When I got home I was confronted with more bad news. Aldous Huxley, the author of "Doors of Perception" had died. His death would go unnoticed. 
                             Things were really going downhill fast.

I put the album on my turntable. The album was in mono. Darlene Love sang this song and it hasn't aged one bit in the fifty years since its release on November 22, 1963.

                                                        Darlene Love

Today I am asked how the world would be different if he had lived. I don’t know why I am asked but people ask me anyway.

Certainly the country would have remained a Camelot for a longer period of time. In fact an extended Camelot era would have created more jobs for Schuylkill county’s struggling Alcoa Plant. Breast plates, back plates, gauntlets, and metallic codpieces would have continued to be produced locally if only Camelot would have continued until 1968 or beyond. Now all metallic codpieces are manufactured in China.

Take a look and you will see there is no union label on your codpiece.

What else would have been different? Well the JFK silver dollar would not have existed. At least not right away. Anything else? Let me think a bit.  Well, the JFK swimming pool in Pottsville would have been named after someone else.  Probably after Mayor Close or his brother.  Finally, singer Dion would not have released his sad folk song, “Abraham, Martin and John.” It would have been released only as “Abraham and Martin” and the song would be 18% shorter in length by eliminating the last stanza.

                           Merry Christmas to anyone who reads the blog.  

Humbug to all others.

Now, as you await the arrival of the County's new year baby who eventually will become a burden on the taxpayers, enjoy Darlene Love singing "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home). The song was released on November 22, 1963 and it is celebrating its fifty year anniversary this year. So is Jimmy Gilmore's Sugar Shack, come to think of it.

                            Darlene Love with U.S. Military Chorus