I too support the !@%$#% Bill of Rights

I cannot believe that the Gilberton’s Chief of Police has a youtube video that has gone viral in a few days, being watched by hundreds of thousands, while my blog, after years, is stuck in the mid-thirty thousand hit range.  

This makes me very depressed.

 My shrink told me to cheer up and forget about it. He told me that people now a days are more interested in the visual and that my blog requires reading. People just aren’t into reading like they used to be.

My shrink told me that maybe I should spice up my blog with some profanity and violence. He said that maybe would get more hits if I did this. If I did it right I could even get elected to a school board.

 You know, he’s probably right.

I watched the Chief’s video. It was well-directed. A little light on plot but the video should appeal to the Nintendo crowd.  It was also well acted, a combination of early Brando, Lenny Bruce and Don Knotts.  Two thumbs up.

 I too believe in the 2^nd Amendment (except for that stupid first part about having a well-regulated militia, that was probably snuck into the Amendment by Ben Franklin when no one was looking. I never trusted that guy).

 I am the staunchest 2nd Amendment proponent around. I am against background checks, frontground checks, sideview checks, wheat checks or any other kind of checks. The 2^nd Amendment says nothing about checks. 
 My interpretation of the 2^nd Amendment is that any person should be able to own any type of firearm that the person can pick up with one hand. It is that simple. I call it the one-hand rule. If you can’t pick it up with one hand, you can’t own it.  Very simple. This eliminates the right to personally own a cannon. No one can pick up a cannon with one hand. Go ahead and try it.

If you have a disability that prevents you from picking up the gun with one hand, then tough noogies. You can’t own a gun. If you are worried about protection but can't pick up a gun, the Hillside SPCA is flooded with pit bulls. Take a ride over and pick one out.

Some say this is preposterous. What about the mentally ill? Those with dementia? Those with Fregoli Delusion? Mad Cow Disease? The very young? The very restless? The fast? The furious? To those critics who would deny these people the right to bear arms, I say, read your F%&#  Constitution, or at least watch the #@!!% video version.

 

 Aren’t these F%&;*# people citizens of the F!&;?@#!#%&! U. S. of A. too? Aren’t they protected by the &#%!@?!" Constitution? If they can pick up a &#%!@?) gun with one hand, then who the F has the right to deny them their Friggin rights!!!! (My shrink told me using "the F bomb" will guarantee to triple my hits on the blog. Middle school kids absolutely love it).

Our Bill of Rights has been trampled on for years; just read Article VII: “In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved.”

I once sued an old hook-up. She drank a bottle of my Friggen Tanqueray gin one weekend (the weekend of the American Way Fair, if you are really nosey) and she refused to pay me for it after we split up the following Monday and went our separate ways.

You know that bottle had cost me about 27 Friggen bucks.  I went to the Friggen Squire’s office and demanded a Friggen jury trial.

                                                                
                                         I. never. Friggen. got. one!

What about my Friggen Constitutional right to a Friggen jury trial as promised by Friggen Article VII?  Not even in Friggen Gilberton do they give citizens their full 7^th Amendment rights.

My shrink told me I should throw some video showing off my support of the 2nd Amendment into the blog.  He said it should increase the traffic to my site and increase my hits. So here it goes.  It contains some violence. I hope it works. I hope I go viral.

Keep coming back.
 

 

A letter from Mammy

A letter from Mammy Trout


Dear Readers,

BB has been away from the blog for some time.  Every once in awhile he goes on some sort of protest for a cause he finds dear to his heart.

 A few years ago he went on a sit down strike to protest the demolition of the diving tower at JFK Pool in Pottsville.  Then it was a hunger strike vowing not to eat funnel cake until Meatloaf was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  I am so proud of him for his convictions and standing up for things that are right.
I am not sure what he is doing now but he can't be found. Meanwhile read some of the old posts he did. Still topical and relevant.  He is a genius. . Here is one on Pocket Park written two years ago.I would try to post a blog but I am not good on a computer. I still have trouble with my Etch-A-Sketch and my Wooly Willie. 



http://bbtrout.blogspot.com/2011/08/pocket-park_02.html

entries now available

I picked this up today at City Hall, better hurry....

tonight's the night.
http://blogs.the-american-interest.com/wrm/2013/03/19/americas-baby-problem/

Happy April Fool's Day.....

The Pottsville Dairy

Most cities have hundreds of streets, but one or two streets always become better known than the others. It may be because of the shopping opportunities, the nightlife, or historical significance, but it’s the streets that the tourists and travelers always visit and snap pictures of. Remember the last time you were on Beale Street in Memphis? Now you know what I am talking about.

  Mahantongo Street in Pottsville is such a street.  Mahantongo Street is nestled on the foothill of Sharp Mountain (the mountain named after Necho Allen's favorite cheese), and it runs for approximately thirty blocks. It is Schuylkill County’s equivalent of Park Avenue, Champs-Élysées, Mulholland Drive, Wisteria Lane, Wall Street, Sesame Street, the Donner Pass and Rodeo Drive, all rolled into one.  Just imagine that conglomeration.

On a recent walking tour of charming Mahantongo Street, I was lucky enough to be at the Ice Cream Dairy when the Forbes list of richest people was breaking news on T-101.  The Dairy Owner was a trillionaire! Everyone at the dairy bar broke into thunderous applause -  an applause so loud that ice cream fell out of the cones as  hundreds of pigeons flew from the upstairs and out through the broken windows, circling the city in a victory lap before returning to the Dairy.

 The success of the Dairy was due to the popularity of one product and one product only, that of Prothonocherry Ice Cream.  It was the ice cream recipe that, I, bb trout, created and sold away to the Dairy for a song and a dance (specifically, the Hokey Pokey if you really want to know what song and dance) and it made the Dairy owner rich beyond belief.  It took time for the flavor to gain popularity. First, people had to learn how to spell and pronounce the name, but once that happened, Vanilla and Mustachio were both soon discarded to the dust bin of historical flavors.

 Now people just can’t get enough of it.  It is a hit at the Pottsville American Way Fair where it great on funnel cakes while taking in a Moon Walk ride.  Soon people from everywhere began to flock to Pottsville to get a double-dip cone and take photographs of America’s Oldest Ice Cream Dairy, where ice cream was originally dug out from the containers by the bare hands of breaker boys who moonlighted at the Dairy after leaving the mines.  The ice cream scoop had yet to be invented.  Incidentally, the breaker boys are credited with creating Rocky Road ice cream, another favorite in the city.

If you are not familiar with the Dairy, it is just a stone’s throw down from “Les Soupe Cuisine” – Pottsville’s critically acclaimed Français Soupe Kitchen. Yes! Now you know where it is!  Where lovers sit on the patio in the moonlight, listening to the voices of the Edith Piaf and Maurice Chevalier impersonators, while partaking of the soupe de jour, cheese fondue, the magnifique frog legs, and of course, pie a la mode (with Prothonocherry ice cream, of course).

 To the untrained eye the Dairy appears battered, dilapidated and decrepit, but that is part of its allure to the tourists who flock there in droves. It, along with the neighborhood, shed its patrician residential tone many decades ago.  The bourgeoisie was run out of town, resettling in Orwigsburg.

I heard some say that “the Dairy building should be cited for Quality of Life violations” While others say “a trillionaire could surely afford to replace the broken windows.” To them I say leave the building alone, give the citations to the hapless, tax-paying citizen who doesn’t’ shovel the snow within minutes of the snow landing on his or her sidewalk.  To the critics, I say our Dairy building is the mirror of our city, a reflection of our inner souls, it is what we have become. To the critics I say, "Qu'on leur coupe la tête! Now can I finally have another scoop of Prothonocherry? And make it a double dip, s'il vous plaît.”

                                                                       Please watch this video.
                                                            S'il vous plaît regardez cette vidéo.