In 1997 the then Mayor of Pottsville circulated a petition requesting that our favorite son, General George Joulwan, relocate to his hometown of Pottsville after he retired. When the petition failed I tried to figure out why he should have selected Pottsville for his retirement homestead. I came up with ten reasons.The Pottsville Republican ran the list (but censored the last suggestion)but without comment, the General rejected everyone one of the reasons. I don't know why.
Top Ten Reasons General Joulwan should retire in Pottsville:
- Tanks will be permitted to participate in the Cruise Night Parade.
- The Mayor will cease his hunger strike if he agrees to return.
- Beetle Bailey, Sgt. Snorkel, and Steve Canyon cartoon cut-outs will be erected on Garfield Square during the Christmas season.
- He would be slam-dunk for title of "King of the Vulcans" or mascot "Pottsie Ottsie" during the Winter Carnival.
- Retired military will get a discount at the Joulwan Park "chip and putt."
- The roomy, vacant Yuengling Ice Cream Dairy across from the Brewery has a war-torn Bosnia feel to it, and therefore would be a perfect location to work on memoirs.
- The city needs real leadership if it wants to finally come out on top in the annual Pottsville-Port Carbon War Games.
- Only a former NATO commander is able to groom, discipline and whip the American Way May Fair attendees into shape.
- Rumor has it that an Army-Navy surplus store may reopen on Centre Street.
- While it may not be "Tail Hook," the Winter Carnival offers a great time to all that attend.
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