Revised Top ten tourist sites in Pottsville

This was the first trout article ever printed, I have slightly revised it. It appeared in the Pottsville Republican. I wrote it under the influence of Yuengling beer after listening to some b.s. about how Pottsville can become a tourist attraction. If the city was serious about tourism in Pottsville it would clean up the area around the brewery which attracts the most people rather than encourage the seediness that already exists there.

With an emphasis on increasing local tourism, the City of Pottsville should target the following market groups:

• Spelunkers. Who can forget the underground restooms that were located at the corner of Centre and Mahantongo Streets? The restrooms were buried under an avalanche of federal funny money in the 1970s, but with an aggressive ad campaign, subterranean adventurers could be lured to explore the lost toilet facilities of Pottsville;



• Archeaologists. The city's numerous parking lots once contained beautiful buildings left to rot, archeaologists could be lured back to guess what type of civilization once inhabited the area;



• World War II historians. The rubble and decaying buildings in lower Mahantongo Street remind me of Dresden after the fire bombing and it could entice those WW II buffs interested in seeing such a replication;



• Roller Coaster enthusiasts. One car ride down East Market Street is more thrilling than a ride on the Super Dooper Looper, we just have to get the word out;



• "Star Trekkies." With the Hysterical District loaded with an assortment of strange people wandering about, the City could give them space costumes to wear, luring the Trekkies with a genuine out-of-earth experience;



• Court Groupies. The Molly Trial reinactment is always a big hit (I swear that she did not do what she was charged with). Perhaps a reinactment of the Nutkin the Squirrel death penalty proceeding could be done, or a grand jury investigation of the torching of the old Pottsville Club;



• Mineral bathers. Forget Saratoga Springs! Pottsville's Norwegian Creek is now visible and with PADCO's help this unused pool of water could be transformed into a therapeutic natural bath guaranteed to cure male pattern baldness;



• Parade Enthusiasts. With the large number of unwed young mothers walking around with their children at night, a push to create "The Great Pottsville Nocturnal Baby Parade" could replace Cruise Night as the number one draw (it is quieter and uses less gas also);



• Paranormal study groups. Whenever a taco shell, wall, or underground pass has an image that resembles a spiritual figure on it, thousands come to look. The damp wall that is passed off as a City Fountain near the Quality Hotel could be hyped in such a fashion. To avoid any separation of church and state controversy, perhaps an image of a taco shell can be promoted just as effectively;



• Naturalists. Pottsville has a long tradition dating back two hundred years that can be marketed. Whenever the temperature goes above seventy degrees, all the men of the city take off their tops and walk about. This local phenomena, if properly promoted, could attract numerous naturalists, Chippendale talent scouts, whalers and dermatologists.