Third Brigade Band -above
Nowegian Creek - left
Ahoy matey! The City of Pottsville has reached a fork in the river. It now has an opportunity to reel in a prized catch. That is, the chance to transfer itself into another San Antonio, Texas. All of this came about when the Norwegian Creek, long covered over with asphalt, surfaced once again.
What does that creek have to do with San Antonio? Well, listen up, folks. San Antonio’s River Walk is a tourist’s paradise. You will find shops, restaurants, and hotels lining the San Antonio River. You will find boats to take you down the canals while listening to the Mariachi bands playing along the banks. And in late November, the River Walk takes on a holiday glow. The colorful lights along the river will put you in the holiday mood. Do you now get my drift? It is not manta be funny. I am serious.
You may scoff at the idea of Pottsville angling to become another San Antonio. You may say to yourself, there is no way that shops and restaurants will be perched along Norwegian Creek. You may scoff at herring that The Third Brigade Band will dress in tightly cut pants, short-waisted, extravagantly embroidered jackets with silver buttons, and large sombreros to serenade tourists with Mariachi music. But please listen to me; it can be done if we all get on board. It is either sink or swim. We cannot simply flounder along. The Mayor should immediately make waves and order Mazzucca Enterprises to rip up the rest of coverings over Norwegian Creek. This could be Pottsville’s own version of the Panama Canal construction, one whale of a project.
I don’t think that the transformation to another San Antonio will be easy. The City will have to start out slowly. Pottsvillians are not accustomed to rapid changes. Perhaps next April a very modest trout rodeo could be held to get our feet wet. The winners could have their pictures taken with the Mayor, Jerry Enders, and the PADCO people –familiar faces which should make them feel comfortable. Gradually the town folk will adjust to the fact that Pottsville is now a booming river hamlet, and this concept will anchor itself in our collective thought process for good. I am sure that within a few years Pottsville will be swamped with fishermen every April. The City could promote, on a grand scale, the legendary mackerel breakfasts that have made Pottsville synonymous with Omega 3. Most people in the City already are accustomed to a plateful of mackerel every morning. They either eat the fish for their heart or just for the halibut.
In the summer, the downtown Norwegian Creek area will become alive with young windsurfers giving their mussels a workout. The potential is unlimited. I can see antique bathtub races in May, whitewater races in June, and slalom races in July. Why even salamander festivals in the fall! The city should immediately float a bond and sink all of the booty into pirate costumes for the downtown regulars to wear. Hand the costumes out to whoever will put them on! With just a simple change of outfits, everyday Pottsvillians can be magically changed into Captain Jacks, Long John Silvers, Blackbeards, Jean Lafittes, Captain Kidds, Henry Morgans and an assortment of buccaneers and river wenches, giving the city an authentic nautical look all year round. And I mean all year round. When the temperatures drop below freezing, the Creek will become a sparkling waterway through the center of the City. Imagine yourself ice skating on this frozen creek to the Hong Kong Buffet for some General Tso’s chicken, listening to the strains of the Third Brigade Band still playing mariachi music in the dead of winter. If that isn’t appealing enough then I am sure this will be. Visualize in your mind for one moment the following: Holahan’s, the Brass Tap, The Eagles, Maroons, and all of the other watering holes, setting up kiosks on the frozen creek to dispense heart-warming liqueurs to the passer-bys. Well, shiver my timbers, doesn’t that alone make you want to crab your silver skates and fishtail it right downtown this very minnow?
So, I hope I have crabbed your attention. This all may sound fishy, but this is not rudder nonsense – it is factual truth, but I won't carp on this anymore. The City Administrator needs your support for this titanic undertaking. Drop him a line and tell him full steam ahead.
Transform Pottsville into a river town.
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