Our Lady of....where?.... Minersville?

I was out of town and I missed all of the excitement in Minersville. From what I understand the town now is ready to skyrocket into the big league. First there was Fatima, then there was Lourdes (or do I have it backwards? I just don’t know.). Now there will be Minersville. Will Minersville be ready for the challenge when tens of thousands of pilgrims visit the sleepy little community made famous by its two wedding halls, its federal prison, and being the home of Joseph Balsis, a legendary billiards champion. I doubt it.

Then I started to wonder. Why would Mary, the mother of Jesus, visit Minersville of all places? It is baffling to me. I remember the old Miracle Mart just outside of town in the Plaza; when that place closed so did the town’s connection with anything metaphysical - or so I thought. By the way, the only miracle I ever remember happening in that old department store was being able to squeeze through a narrow aisle filled with wide shoppers, all in polyester stretch pants, who were coming towards me with their shopping carts. I was there to buy a Doobie Brothers eight track at the time.

I do know that if I were in heaven right now and I could return to earth I certainly would pick a place like the resort of Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic; I would also pick the month of January and not August to appear there. But I guess if I was going to appear in Minersville then I certainly would pick August and not January. Did you ever go to Minersville in January with the snow and slush all around? It’s enough to make you want to stop going to the Sunbury Street Frank ‘n Burger in the winter time (almost).
Some say that word may have got out in the celestial heavens that Minersville was to celebrate “Spirit Day” and perhaps it may have been misinterpreted as “Holy Spirit Day.” Did you ever hear some elderly person from Heckscherville talk real fast? Could you figure out what he or she was saying? You get the picture - a failure to communicate properly.

Others say that no one told her that Rokosz Hotel was closed. She thought Rokosz' was still having "Our Lady's Night" on Wednesdays. I certainly think someone is trying to pull my leg on that one. But do you remember Rokosz’ Hotel on Sunbury Street? I had great times there back in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s. If it reopened I would go back. I remember seeing “The Other Side” play there with Jimmy Kimmel singing a rockin’ “Expressway to Your Heart.” I saw them first at “The Globe” and then later at Rokosz’ and the Minersville Legion on Sunday nights. It was like heaven, man. That was when Minersville was at its artistic peak.

But why visit a garage on Lewis Street? I mean, if your mind is set on visiting Minersville, and there is no changing it, then why not visit a car dealership, say like Mickey Pritz’s Chrysler showroom, rather than a garage. That’s where I would have appeared, as if anyone would care. Maybe I would even take a test drive in a ’07 convertible Crossfire while waiting for crowds to gather. Or maybe head I would over to the Minersville football field and show coach Pat Mason the intricacies of throwing a real “Hail Mary” pass.

All of this has gotten me to write a book. The premise of my book is that Minersville is really “heaven,” (but no one has figured it out yet) and everyone living in Minersville, past or present, is a cherubim, seraphim or archangel. I mean everyone, including our county coroner and all the employees at Palarmo’s Restaurant.

Joe Balsis will definitely be an Archangel in my book, as he has a leading role. My book will have similarities with three films: the Bruce Willis hit movie, “The Sixth Sense”, the Jackie Gleason movie about a pool shark called, “The Hustler", and lastly the religious movie from the ‘40s, “The Song of Bernadette.” Two thumbs up from me on all of those films! Go over to West Coast video and check them all out. You won’t be disappointed with any of them. You can stop there on your way to the little garage in Minersville.