This year I was reviewing Amazon’s list of hot toys and games to see what I could get for the little ones in the trout family. By the way I am not referring to the Amazon website; I am referring to a lady friend of mine, the former captain of Shenandoah’s Polish-American Roller Derby Team. The nickname “Amazon” stuck to her. Reviewing toys and games is just another one of her past times. I will give you my perspective on Amazon’s review. She has some hits and misses in my opinion.
For starters by all means stay away from the Tickle Me Mohammed doll. Amazon is completely off base with this one. T.M.M. is the riskier version of the old-fashioned Bert doll; guaranteed to get you kicked out of the Sudan as well as local Unity Day festivities. While Amazon said it is this year’s version of the hot-selling Barbie Burka and Jihad Joe dolls, I say "no way Jose." Don't buy one; and keep away from her other recommendation - that new ADHD doll that makes Chatty Cathy seem like a shy wallflower. You know, it doesn't even come with play Ritalin tablets; you need to purchase a doctor's kit separately to get those. I say if your looking for a toy doll, you can't go wrong with the Wiggans Patch dolls.
For more regional items Amazon recommends the Pottsopoly board game. It is based on Monopoly, but with local places replacing those in Atlantic City. For instance, Boardwalk, Baltic Avenue and Trump Towers are replaced with Centre Street, John O’Hara Boulevard and Joulwan Park. But what makes this game fascinating is that the cards are more realistic. Yes, if you land on “Chance” or “Community Chest” a player still takes the top card from the deck and follows the instructions. These are examples of the cards:
“Your house was recently painted a bright Kelly green in violation of the city paint regulations. Go directly to Jail.”
“Congratulations! You are the winner of the New Year Baby Contest, Collect $50.”
“ACCESS won’t cover your tongue piercing, pay $250.”
“You’re latest hook-up went into a rage over the Maroons not getting the NFL title back, go directly to the Domestic Violence Shelter, Do Not Pass Go”
By far this was my favorite of Amazon's recommendations.
The McAdoo Superfund Mystery Suds is supposed to be used in a bathtub. It’s like an updated Mr. Bubbles, an effervescent bath product which makes suds on top of the water. But who gets in a bathtub anymore? Maybe if you are going to the Poconos with someone special and have a room reserved with one of those special bathtubs. Otherwise I would pass on that gift.
If you have a budding chemist in the family Amazon recommends “My Little Meth Lab Game” geared for pre-schoolers. Each player races around the board which is set up to look like an authentic Mahanoy City meth lab. The object of the game is to successfully get enough of the ingredients necessary to score real big before the vermin-infested lab blows up. I liked this game more than the Game of Life. I am certainly going to go to Sauers Toy Store in Yorkville and put that one in my shopping cart.
Although Amazon recommended the 1925 Electric Maroons’ Football, I will pass as the game for safety reasons; it is only up to 1925 electric code standards to make it more realistic. I have more fun sticking a fork into a toaster. Also, even if you are the Maroons team and score more points, according to the rules in this game you still don't win.
Lastly, Amazon predicts that toddlers will love the durable plastic Cressona Truck Playset that comes with three different toy trucks, all carrying loads of play hazardous materials, mainly real authentic Chinese lead. With this set you get a life-like miniature replica of the Cressona railroad bridge. Amazon told me that when the trucks get lodged in the tunnel children learn the virtue of patience. By the way, the set also comes with a smaller toy tow truck and brightly colored warning signs.
For starters by all means stay away from the Tickle Me Mohammed doll. Amazon is completely off base with this one. T.M.M. is the riskier version of the old-fashioned Bert doll; guaranteed to get you kicked out of the Sudan as well as local Unity Day festivities. While Amazon said it is this year’s version of the hot-selling Barbie Burka and Jihad Joe dolls, I say "no way Jose." Don't buy one; and keep away from her other recommendation - that new ADHD doll that makes Chatty Cathy seem like a shy wallflower. You know, it doesn't even come with play Ritalin tablets; you need to purchase a doctor's kit separately to get those. I say if your looking for a toy doll, you can't go wrong with the Wiggans Patch dolls.
For more regional items Amazon recommends the Pottsopoly board game. It is based on Monopoly, but with local places replacing those in Atlantic City. For instance, Boardwalk, Baltic Avenue and Trump Towers are replaced with Centre Street, John O’Hara Boulevard and Joulwan Park. But what makes this game fascinating is that the cards are more realistic. Yes, if you land on “Chance” or “Community Chest” a player still takes the top card from the deck and follows the instructions. These are examples of the cards:
“Your house was recently painted a bright Kelly green in violation of the city paint regulations. Go directly to Jail.”
“Congratulations! You are the winner of the New Year Baby Contest, Collect $50.”
“ACCESS won’t cover your tongue piercing, pay $250.”
“You’re latest hook-up went into a rage over the Maroons not getting the NFL title back, go directly to the Domestic Violence Shelter, Do Not Pass Go”
By far this was my favorite of Amazon's recommendations.
The McAdoo Superfund Mystery Suds is supposed to be used in a bathtub. It’s like an updated Mr. Bubbles, an effervescent bath product which makes suds on top of the water. But who gets in a bathtub anymore? Maybe if you are going to the Poconos with someone special and have a room reserved with one of those special bathtubs. Otherwise I would pass on that gift.
If you have a budding chemist in the family Amazon recommends “My Little Meth Lab Game” geared for pre-schoolers. Each player races around the board which is set up to look like an authentic Mahanoy City meth lab. The object of the game is to successfully get enough of the ingredients necessary to score real big before the vermin-infested lab blows up. I liked this game more than the Game of Life. I am certainly going to go to Sauers Toy Store in Yorkville and put that one in my shopping cart.
Although Amazon recommended the 1925 Electric Maroons’ Football, I will pass as the game for safety reasons; it is only up to 1925 electric code standards to make it more realistic. I have more fun sticking a fork into a toaster. Also, even if you are the Maroons team and score more points, according to the rules in this game you still don't win.
Lastly, Amazon predicts that toddlers will love the durable plastic Cressona Truck Playset that comes with three different toy trucks, all carrying loads of play hazardous materials, mainly real authentic Chinese lead. With this set you get a life-like miniature replica of the Cressona railroad bridge. Amazon told me that when the trucks get lodged in the tunnel children learn the virtue of patience. By the way, the set also comes with a smaller toy tow truck and brightly colored warning signs.
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