The Winter Carnivore Parade

I had a strange dream last night after eating too many halupkies. Luckily I took two Tums and was able to get some undisturbed sleep.....



I have attended many county parades over the past decades but my all time favorite was the Greater Pottsville Area Winter Carnivore Parade. You know - the parade that paid tribute to our meat eating heritage. Yes, on the coldest day in January our county seat celebrated the joys of animal protein.
Why have a parade in January many would ask. Ha! The answer is obvious: most of the carnivore floats were made from meat and meat by-products; the cold weather kept spoilage to a minimum. Think of it as a Tournament of Roses with ham, beef and pork instead of the flowers. In fact our Parade was ten times better than the Pasadena parade since flowers can’t be eaten after the parade. Although January required cheerleaders and majorettes to wear long johns and galoshes, the meat kept from spoiling; that was more important.
The parade featured the area butchers, meat packers and deli clerks, all marching in unison. In addition, many county bands participated, playing all your favorite classic meat music, such as “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” ”Jambalaya,” “I Want to Hold Your Ham,” “Who Stole the Kieshka?” and “I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Wiener.” One memorable moment was back in 1971 when the PAHS Kilties played a bagpipe tribute to “Haggis,” the Scottish national dish of boiled stuffed sheep stomach. Boy, the crowds went wild and the city sold out of haggis within hours that year.
Of course, we cannot forget about all the spectacular floats, designed and paid for by the various restaurants – the Woolworth’s Lunch Counter, The Tap Room, Stop N Go, Joyce’s Café, The Sugar Bowl, The Bus Terminal Restaurant, etc. Numerous churches and civic groups also participated. Almost thirty years ago the Moose Women’s Auxiliary had a clever float with a theme of “Frozen Gizzards, Scrapple and Tripe” which caught the fancy of all the judges. Those Moose women unexpectedly won their first Mayor’s Cup after defeating the heavily favored Yorkville Hose Company’s “Mackerel Breakfast” float. The latter was disqualified when a local monsignor insisted that seafood is not a meat dish. This 1980 victory is remembered as the “Miracle on Ice,” in Winter Carnivore and Pottsville folklore to this day.
We cannot forget the many different ethnic entries that made the judging so difficult. St. John the Baptist Church had a memorable entry with its “Der Wienerschnitzel.” St. Patrick’s Family Center had its float featuring “Boiled Bacon and Cabbage.” Another favorite was Trinity Episcopal’s float entitled, “Beef Wellington” which had the crowd guessing what was in the middle of the float. Of course, it was goose liver. Yes, each float gave a brief lesson in the history of animal protein consumption in the coal region. I still keep some of the pepperonis that were tossed off of the St. Joseph Church’s float as souvenirs of Winter Carnivore.
The Parade was truly a family affair. Having a parade on the coldest day of the year puts a strain on the automobiles and trucks that normally pull floats. As batteries lose half of their strength when the temperature dips to single digits, many vehicles just wouldn’t start up. The Carnivore Committee solved this problem by allowing cub scouts and brownies to pull the floats. It was perfectly safe as long as the children followed the simple rule to refrain from placing their lips and tongues on the exterior of any of the ice-cold metallic vehicles.
While pulling the truck floats the children would sing repeatedly the song “Four and Twenty Blackbirds baked in a Pie.” Mmm, just reminiscing has made my mouth water for some good old-fashioned blackbird pie.
I have never forgotten the Winter Carnivore parade. Have you?