Jackson Street

The City Street Department has issued the following public announcement:

It is understandable that hundreds of fans are flocking to Jackson Street on the City's east side, placing flowers and holding up lit candles in honor of the late King of Pop, but the hilly street must be kept open at all times. It is recommended that people stay off of that street and remain on the sidewalks. The city curfew will be strictly enforced.

People should be aware that Jackson Street was never named in honor of Michael Jackson, nor LaToya, nor even our beloved Janet. According to the consensus of researchers at the Historical Society, the street was named in honor of the late major league baseball player, Shoeless Joe Jackson (although one researcher was adament that the street was named in honor of American Idol Judge Randy Jackson). Shoeless was obviously honored due to the deep love and affection the citizenry of the city had, and still has, for illegal sports betting.

If you do plan to spend anytime on Jackson Street in memory of Michael, or you are there just to hang out, please remember that the City Ordinance banning outdoor fires will be strictly enforced. It is recommended that you bring a flashlight (or a jar of fire flies) to hold up rather than a candle. I repeat that this street must remain open to all vehicular traffic, especially ambulances, police cars and Domino pizza deliveries.

Lastly, "Moonwalking" could pose a serious and potentially life-threatening hazard if done on any hilly surface, especially if one is overweight. The Pottsville's Surgeon General is strongly urging that all moonwalking be done one flat surfaces such as the site of the former (Shoeless Joe) Jackson Street School, located at the corner of East Norwegian and (Shoeless Joe) Jackson Street- or, better yet, in the middle of Claude Lord Boulevard. Very flat...flatest part of Pottsville....The city moonwalking ordinance will be strictly enforced.