(sandy) beach memories

Dear Mr. Trout,
Do you ever go to the beach in the summer?

Wondering

Dear Wondering,

Going to the beach used to be a summer ritual for me. I remember those trips so well. I remember the salt air, the white caps of the waves, and the thunderous surf. I would pack up the station wagon with beach umbrellas, boogie boards, lounge chairs, snorkels and my trusty metal detector and head up north on Route 61 to the beach, weaving in and out of the traffic. I would arrange the beach weekend to coincide with my visitation times, picking up some of the young ones along the way. Driving from Pine Grove to Shenandoah Heights seemed like an eternity especially with those stops along the way. To pass the time we would count out-of-state license plates and sing. My favorite stop along the way was picking up my daughter Santana at the police station; the station was the exchange location under the PFA restraining order placed against me by her mother. I remember taking photographs of Santana and the chief of police with my Brownie camera. We took photographs often at that exchange point. Santana now has neat photo album as the PFA generally got renewed every eighteen months. I told her that it is important to keep these memories close to her heart. And, you know, she still keeps in touch with that old chief of police at Christmas time. Now whenever she sees a police officer, she says she always thinks of me.

For those of you that are geographically challenged, Sandy Beach was located on the top of the Locust Mountain, near Shenandoah Heights. We used to go to the Greenie but later we became hooked on Sandy Beach. Yes, The Heights had one of the best beaches on the east coast; the sand was amazingly soft-powdery-white and very wide with plenty of room. I used to tell the kids that we were going to a topless beach, as all of the women would remove their babushkas before getting in the water.
Once we got to the beach we would look for the “perfect spot” to put down our blanket. Once we claimed a spot Mammy would sit down and coat herself with a mixture of baby oil and iodine. If there was any oil left over the kids got to put some on and play Indian warriors. Then she would find WMBT on the transistor radio so she could listen to the polkas while we opened up the picnic basket and passed the food around. Lots of baked kielbassa).

I was never one of those people who worried about cramps if you ate before swimming. Que sera, sera. I think eating before swimming actually gives a swimmer much more energy. Mammy would worry about cramps and rarely got in the water even if she brought her Midol with her. She would sit on her blanket with that aluminum tray under her chin to pull in the summer rays while we would swim. After our dip, while the kids built sand castles, I would walk around with the metal detector but I never would find anything other than some old Columbia beer bottle caps.

We were so crazy about Sandy Beach I purchased a time share in Shenandoah. We still have it. Lucky for us our week coincides with Heritage Day and it is along the parade route. Alas, the beach is now closed, some say apparently a victim of its own success. Others say it was due to medical waste washing ashore from the Locust Mountain Hospital. Still others said it closed because the fickle spring breakers went elsewhere. I dunno. It is just closed. Not even open anymore for the Polar Bear Plunge on New Year’s Day. We also stopped going to Pottsville's JFK Pool after the City, under pressure from PETA, outlawed the diving horse show and removed "The Tower." So to answer your question, I no longer go to the beach and my swimming is now done virtually - courtesy of the Wii in the comfort of my living room on my 50 inch plasma television.