Schuylkill County and Hoodie Hooism

I will not celebrate Hoodie-Hoo Day. Call me an old fuddy duddy, I don’t care. I will not participate in any of the numerous countywide festivities. The concept of grown adults going outside on February 20th at twelve noon to cast some sort of mass spell is against my religious beliefs. At twelve noon I plan to be inside somewhere, hopefully eating a huge cheesesteak, smoking a cigarette and drinking a lager ale.

If you are not familiar with Hoodie-Hooism, it is a combination of Pennsylvania Dutch Pow-Wow, Louisiana VooDoo, and urban gangsta rap. On February 20th open your window and listen the pounding drum rhythms, while the participants chant dutch proverbs (“Kissin’ wears out – cookin’ don’t”) and sing their songs (“Siss Net Alli Daag Luschdich Leewe”) as they do hip hop arm and hand gestures towards the noon day sun. At the same time,some white-robed, red- hatted HooDoo priestess leads them in some strange incantation meant to alter the weather and create more global warming.

These people want to shorten the winter and lengthen the summer!
Their rituals are elaborate, steeped in secret Pennsylvania Dutch, French Creole, and gangsta rap languages. Talismans are bought and sold during the rituals; some could even be bobble heads that represent HooDoo gods. This is the dark side of Hoodie Hooism that I am trying to warn you about. It uses hapless participants to summon the spirit world to alter the normal course of nature, shorten winter, and defying all that the groundhog had told us. Just watch as the high priestess places candles, food, money, cigarettes, amulets, lottery tickets, herbs, necklaces, ceremonial rattles, magical powders, cans of Yuengling beer, flags, bells, sacred stones and knives upon the HooDoo rug (pictured here) as the incantations begin in earnest.

"HOODY HOO!!!!! That's the call for the killaz.
Don’t make me call the dogs (use my ghetto code)
Oh, we got beef? HOODY HOO!
I represent the dirty south
For all my thugs and thugettes out there
To the world
Get rowdy, bout it, bout it (Where they at?)
Where the tru thugs at?
HOODY HOO, Buckle up, Knuckle up What you wanna do?

HOODY HOO, Buckle up, Knuckle up. What you wanna do?

HOODY HOO, Buckle up, Knuckle up. What you wann do?"

Spells which are conjured up to alter the weather take a long time to cast and take a lot of psychic power. The incantations go on for hours. That is why healthy, vigorous volunteers are requested to take part. Those of weakened physical ability sometimes end up in zombie-like stupor with no will of their own destined to walk up and down Pottsville's Centre Street forever.

Hoodie Hooism (a/k/a HooDoo) does not have a structured hierarchy, nor an established theology or clergy. It relies on these lay practitioners under the watchful eye of a Hoodie Hoo doctor or priestess. HooDoo was first documented in 1875 when a spell was cast upon a Pine Grove summer sausage salesman who soon met economic disaster. Hoodie Hooism was recently linked to the freak hail storm that wrecked havoc on the Pottsville Cruise Parade in 2008.

Scientists have been following Hoodie Hooism for years. The direct correlation between global warming and increased Hoodie Hooism can no longer be denied. Go to the Majestic Theatre and watch the award winning “An Inconvenient Truth” once it comes around again.
Since the 1960s, both the atmospheric CO 2 level has increased in direct co-relation to the number of Hoodie Hoo events. Thus, Hoodie Hooism is a proven substantial factor in global warming which can no longer be ignored.

I am not arguing that Hoodie Hooism to be the sole cause of global warming, as one cannot rule out other external forces influencing climate changes. Certainly the eruption of Mount Laffee several years ago, the variations in earth’s orbit around the sun, and the gasses emitted by local greenhouses and those eating excessive amounts of sauerkraut or brussel sprouts are other factors that need immediate attention.

Stay away from Hoodie Hoo. Watch the video below.