I have been watching the demolition of the historic St. George’s Church in Shenandoah for some time now. People have been coming up to me asking, “what are the plans for the site once the church is finally down.” I casually reply “Who do you think I am? Mr.know-it-all?”
They get the message,walk away and leave me alone.
Curiosity finally got the better of me and I headed over to the Allentown where I would meet the person in charge of the demolition. I needed a real answer to give the people who depended on me to clear things up for them, rather than give them some koan to ponder. I arranged a luncheon at the Patio Restaurant in the
basement of Hess Brothers Department Store. The mystery would soon be solved.
They get the message,walk away and leave me alone.
Curiosity finally got the better of me and I headed over to the Allentown where I would meet the person in charge of the demolition. I needed a real answer to give the people who depended on me to clear things up for them, rather than give them some koan to ponder. I arranged a luncheon at the Patio Restaurant in the
basement of Hess Brothers Department Store. The mystery would soon be solved.I took the escalator down to the basement of the store, flashed my blog pass to the store detective and soon was introduced to an elderly cleric wearing an oversized biretta on his head. He had a thick Irish brogue. The picture above was taken by the surveillance Polaroid camera. He was accompanied by two large swiss guards who stood behind him while we dined on hamburgers and drank cherry cokes. The guards ate cheese and drank hot chocolate if you are wondering, keeping a watchful eye on me all the while.
Our conversation went something like this:
“Top of the morning to you. We in Allentown are heartbroken over the animosity that arose over our decision to bring down an old building that was on the verge of collapse. Did you know that the building was over one hundred years old. In dog years that would be about seven hundred years old. If you had a dog 700 years old you would have shot it by now. Yes, we are aware that buildings in Europe stand proudly of upwards of a thousand years and are carefully preserved. But remember, that’s Europe and this is America. In major American cities sports stadiums are considered old and are demolished every twenty years or so and no one bats an eyelash. We just don’t know what all the fuss is about. If the ‘76ers were playing at St. George’s, everyone would be hollering to knock it down. I’ll ask the waitress to bring over a bottle of ketchup.”
“Fadda' What about the cultural heritage that is being lost forever? Ask for mustard while you are at it.”
“Yes, we are aware that it was the oldest Lithuanian Church in the United States, but now some other church will get to claim the title. Don’t you think everyone should get a turn? Remember when Vanessa Williams was stripped of the Miss America title, and she was quickly replaced. Life will go on my son. Please pass me the salt.”
“But Fadda' people are upset that the blood, sweat and tears of the ancestral coal miners who built the church will be forgotten. Fadda' do you want the pepper also?”
I then passed him the salt and pepper shakers.
“My son, we are very sensitive to this. A beautiful memorial will be placed on the location, dependent of course, on enough funds being raised to cover the costs. Last year the Appeal Fund only raised $4.59 plus three Damato Post pool tokens from the disgruntled parishioners. They have to be a little more loose with the purse if they want this memorial. Once the church is completely down, the sacred artifacts hauled away, and the dust settles (no pun intended) we in Allentown have a plan for the site. First we schedule a polka dance on the site to flatten the ground, secondly several truckloads of fresh coal dirt will be spread down and baked on top, followed by still another polka dance to make sure the ground has settled. Then the monument will be erected in the center with a magnificent fence of sheet metal purchased locally from Boley’s Irons Works to surround the entire parking lot....er...I mean...piazza. By purchasing all the metal from Boley’s Iron Works we will be stimulating the local economy rather than outsourcing. The lot...er....piazza... will assist in aleviating the parking problem during the Christmas and Easter holidays when everyone goes to the Kielbassi Shop. Do they still serve those big ice cream sundaes and strawberry pies here?”
At that point he unraveled the blue prints and I saw the proposed memorial marker with my own eyes. Why it was magnificent. Take a look for yourself.
Our conversation went something like this:
“Top of the morning to you. We in Allentown are heartbroken over the animosity that arose over our decision to bring down an old building that was on the verge of collapse. Did you know that the building was over one hundred years old. In dog years that would be about seven hundred years old. If you had a dog 700 years old you would have shot it by now. Yes, we are aware that buildings in Europe stand proudly of upwards of a thousand years and are carefully preserved. But remember, that’s Europe and this is America. In major American cities sports stadiums are considered old and are demolished every twenty years or so and no one bats an eyelash. We just don’t know what all the fuss is about. If the ‘76ers were playing at St. George’s, everyone would be hollering to knock it down. I’ll ask the waitress to bring over a bottle of ketchup.”
“Fadda' What about the cultural heritage that is being lost forever? Ask for mustard while you are at it.”
“Yes, we are aware that it was the oldest Lithuanian Church in the United States, but now some other church will get to claim the title. Don’t you think everyone should get a turn? Remember when Vanessa Williams was stripped of the Miss America title, and she was quickly replaced. Life will go on my son. Please pass me the salt.”
“But Fadda' people are upset that the blood, sweat and tears of the ancestral coal miners who built the church will be forgotten. Fadda' do you want the pepper also?”
I then passed him the salt and pepper shakers.
“My son, we are very sensitive to this. A beautiful memorial will be placed on the location, dependent of course, on enough funds being raised to cover the costs. Last year the Appeal Fund only raised $4.59 plus three Damato Post pool tokens from the disgruntled parishioners. They have to be a little more loose with the purse if they want this memorial. Once the church is completely down, the sacred artifacts hauled away, and the dust settles (no pun intended) we in Allentown have a plan for the site. First we schedule a polka dance on the site to flatten the ground, secondly several truckloads of fresh coal dirt will be spread down and baked on top, followed by still another polka dance to make sure the ground has settled. Then the monument will be erected in the center with a magnificent fence of sheet metal purchased locally from Boley’s Irons Works to surround the entire parking lot....er...I mean...piazza. By purchasing all the metal from Boley’s Iron Works we will be stimulating the local economy rather than outsourcing. The lot...er....piazza... will assist in aleviating the parking problem during the Christmas and Easter holidays when everyone goes to the Kielbassi Shop. Do they still serve those big ice cream sundaes and strawberry pies here?”
At that point he unraveled the blue prints and I saw the proposed memorial marker with my own eyes. Why it was magnificent. Take a look for yourself.
1 comment:
Hess Brothers has their Patio in the basement? In Florida Macy's has their basement on the 2nd floor. People with a brain are being challenged on a daily basis to keep up with the morons in the business world.
Post a Comment