Will you be around for the Pottsville Tricentennial? I definitely will be here in 2106. I will be here because I have preplanned my cyrogenic suspension; my wasted, cigarette, bleenie and alcohol ridden body will be frozen for many decades , and then re-animated just in time for the Tricentennial. I will visit the Sovereign Majestic Theatre, by then renamed the One WorldBank Majestic. It’s a small, cozy theatre, not large enough to book Seigfried and Roy, just Seigfried or Roy, and maybe one small cat.
For those of you considering cyrogenics, I suggest you head over to the Jalappa Ice Company and check out their special. Until the end of this month – “Cyrogenic Suspension” plus two seats at the Majestic Theatre for only $30,000! The price is even lower if you don’t mind sharing space with frozen butterball turkeys. I don’t know about you but I want to make a funny face before being frozen; my daughter Santana would get a kick out of that.
I have cyrogenics on my mind since I purchased a used VHS tape of “Encino Man” at Arizona Video on West Market Street. It stars one of the best actors of all time, Pauly Shore. It’s about a caveman who is frozen for thousands of years.
I will be fortunate to attend both the Bicentennial and also the Tricentennial. In 1956 Mammy Trout participated in the city’s Sesquicentennial festivities; in fact she was the first woman to join the “Brothers of the Brush;” a reluctant honor that she has mixed emotions over. Nair had not yet been invented.
Do you often wonder what Pottsville will be like in 2106? I constantly have this on my mind. I’ll share some predictions. The John D.W. Reilly Transportation Modal along Route 61 will be finished, with all sorts of spacecraft vehicles landing there. It will be busier than the heliport. Additionally the removal of Greenwood Hill will be completed, and it will be difficult to recognize the old east side, as it will be flat as a pancake. In fact, an Interplanetary House of Pancakes (IHOP) will be built there. The west side will transform itself also. The old historical district will be finally put out of its misery, replaced by one gigantic, treeless parking lot. The new historical district will be Forest Hills. It is where many of the city’s first clones will have settled. It will be referred to as “Clonial Forest Hills.”
For those of you considering cyrogenics, I suggest you head over to the Jalappa Ice Company and check out their special. Until the end of this month – “Cyrogenic Suspension” plus two seats at the Majestic Theatre for only $30,000! The price is even lower if you don’t mind sharing space with frozen butterball turkeys. I don’t know about you but I want to make a funny face before being frozen; my daughter Santana would get a kick out of that.
I have cyrogenics on my mind since I purchased a used VHS tape of “Encino Man” at Arizona Video on West Market Street. It stars one of the best actors of all time, Pauly Shore. It’s about a caveman who is frozen for thousands of years.
I will be fortunate to attend both the Bicentennial and also the Tricentennial. In 1956 Mammy Trout participated in the city’s Sesquicentennial festivities; in fact she was the first woman to join the “Brothers of the Brush;” a reluctant honor that she has mixed emotions over. Nair had not yet been invented.
Do you often wonder what Pottsville will be like in 2106? I constantly have this on my mind. I’ll share some predictions. The John D.W. Reilly Transportation Modal along Route 61 will be finished, with all sorts of spacecraft vehicles landing there. It will be busier than the heliport. Additionally the removal of Greenwood Hill will be completed, and it will be difficult to recognize the old east side, as it will be flat as a pancake. In fact, an Interplanetary House of Pancakes (IHOP) will be built there. The west side will transform itself also. The old historical district will be finally put out of its misery, replaced by one gigantic, treeless parking lot. The new historical district will be Forest Hills. It is where many of the city’s first clones will have settled. It will be referred to as “Clonial Forest Hills.”
Mount Carbon’s population will have declined to a dangerously low level. Annexation with Pottsville did not occur and a breeding program, presumably at both of the two barrooms, had marginal success. With only a handful of residents, Mount Carbon will soon become a ghost town and join the ranks of Mount Laffee, Kehley Run Junction, and Frackville.
Nearly one hundred years after the first human clone was created, the science of human replication will remain controversial. Pottsville, however, will have accepted the concept and it will show in its blended population. By the end of the 21st century the first Pottsvillians will have been cloned and will attempt to integrate into the Pottsville's mainstream, tearing down the barriers that previously held them back. By 2090 the City’s Unity Day Coalition, having abandoned race, religion, sexual orientation, weight, looks, age, personality and smell as problems, will emphasize the stigma against “Clones and Other Genetic Mutations.” The last barrier to conquer.
PADCO will encourage cloning as a means to increase the population by clever marketing. There will be merchants’ promotions, such as the “Lady Clone Night” at the “Titanium Tap” on East Norwegian Street, and the “Clones Eat for Half Price!” special at the Phase XXII Restaurant on West Market Street. The city will even offer to include clones and cyborgs in a family membership at the new Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg Pool. The Claude A. Lord Shields Beltway will add a special clone carpool lane to ease the congestion of vehicles, requiring two or more clones per car. Violators will be subjected to being stopped and ticketed by, yes, a robocop – a robot that looks and sounds uncannily like a former city police captain of one hundred years ago. Yes, the police force in 2106 will consist of forty cyborg replications of Captain Clarkson.
Nearly one hundred years after the first human clone was created, the science of human replication will remain controversial. Pottsville, however, will have accepted the concept and it will show in its blended population. By the end of the 21st century the first Pottsvillians will have been cloned and will attempt to integrate into the Pottsville's mainstream, tearing down the barriers that previously held them back. By 2090 the City’s Unity Day Coalition, having abandoned race, religion, sexual orientation, weight, looks, age, personality and smell as problems, will emphasize the stigma against “Clones and Other Genetic Mutations.” The last barrier to conquer.
PADCO will encourage cloning as a means to increase the population by clever marketing. There will be merchants’ promotions, such as the “Lady Clone Night” at the “Titanium Tap” on East Norwegian Street, and the “Clones Eat for Half Price!” special at the Phase XXII Restaurant on West Market Street. The city will even offer to include clones and cyborgs in a family membership at the new Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg Pool. The Claude A. Lord Shields Beltway will add a special clone carpool lane to ease the congestion of vehicles, requiring two or more clones per car. Violators will be subjected to being stopped and ticketed by, yes, a robocop – a robot that looks and sounds uncannily like a former city police captain of one hundred years ago. Yes, the police force in 2106 will consist of forty cyborg replications of Captain Clarkson.
When I am thawed out in late 2105, with that silly smirk on my face, I plan to open a Millinery or Haberdashery. Don’t laugh, hats will once again be very popular. With all of the clones in the city it will be important for each to wear a different hat so that you can tell them apart. "Hats-R-Us" will be where the money’s at in Pottsville, 2106! If I am wrong, I will eat my hat, or maybe my clone or cyborg will.
1 comment:
You are the only other person who seems to have noticed that boroughs in that area will not be around much longer given the net outflo of residents. Your short list failed to include Tower City and Gordon. Anyone who keeps a close eye on the Obituary column, as I do, will certainly notice a disproportionate number of deaths in both places. They were tiny places to begin with, how could anyone be left living in either place? Forget the Tricentennial.
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