Like most people, I often wonder what Elvis would think about Pottsville’s cruise night. I am sure that the King would love Cruise Night if he were still alive as he had an affinity for Cadillacs. During his lifetime he had purchased over one hundred of them. I am sure that he would love to drive into town in his 1955 pink and white Fleetwood Cadillac and head over to 7th and West Market Street looking for the Earl Stoyer Cadillac Showroom. Sadly he would be disappointed to learn that it was now a dental office. Making the best of it, he would get a quick teeth cleaning from Dr. Barket before heading uptown. Elvis would be 69 years old this year if he was still alive, so I am sure that he would also stop at Dr. Jack Dolbin’s for some chiropractic treatment. The ride from Memphis to Pottsville would take a toll on anyone’s back, whether you are the King of Rock and Roll or not. Feeling refreshed after his spinal adjustment, he would drive into Martz Hall parking lot and register, just like anyone else. After registration he would try to call Mohammed Ali at his Deer Lake camp. Alas, The Champ had out-migrated like so many others. Luckily, the new owner of the camp told him that the place is the Butterfly and Bee Bed and Breakfast. Elvis would request a room and then would ask if the place had a breakfast buffet. “Pancakes fit for a King.” He would reserve a room using his AARP discount. Throngs of the curious would surround him, and he would talk to them all. Many would not know he was. Some would say he sure doesn’t look like Elvis Costello. Others would be excited to see Michael Jackson’s former father-in-law in person. Some would marvel that, despite his age and medical problems, he still looked better than Keith Richards.
When the actual cruise started, Elvis’ car would certainly be moved to the front of the line. After a few pictures taken with Mayor Reilly and Jerry Enders, he would accelerate and head down Laurel Boulevard. He would be greeted with cheers of, “burn some rubber, gramps!” The King of Rock and Roll would oblige the crowds after some youngster would pour Clorox on the asphalt to give him just the right amount of traction. How would Elvis react to Officer Clarkson pulling him over to ticket him? I imagine he would tell the policeman, “Don't be cruel, officer, to a heart that's true?” No one knows but I am sure that Clarkson would be let go with just a warning to act his age.
When Elvis gets to Centre Street, he would be greeted with immense adulation from his well wishers. His response would be his trademark, “Thank you, thank you very much.” He would look around and notice all of the changes in Pottsville since he had been here last thirty years or so ago. Someone would yell out to him to make sure he looks at the General’s statue that was just placed at the old fountain. “General, did someone say General…I sure could go for some General Tso’s chicken right now....Hey! The Coney’s still in business!” This would be the first of several stops along the way.
“I like my burgers well done. I wonder if I can still get three for a dollar?”
He would look around while eating his burger and marvel at all of the new parking lots and the reconstruction of the farmer’s market into a theatre.
“Damn, I wish it was still a farmer’s market, I could go for some collard greens. I wonder if the Majestic will show ‘Harem Scarum’ or ‘Liva Los Vegas’ here soon?”
Further down the street, Elvis could see that Pomeroy’s was now gone but Bohorad’s was still in business. “I wonder if Bohorad’s carries any sequined jumpsuits with capes?”
Then it would be time for a quick pit stop at the Garfield. “Mmm. Ham bone dumplings and glazed donuts!”
Further up the street, he would be disappointed that Charlie’s Pizza Shop was closed as it was a Sunday. “I could go for a hunka hunka burning hot pizza right now.” But at Mike Watcher’s auto center he would get out to admire the car dealer’s hot pink Caddy and enjoy some potato salad with Ginny, the office manager. By the time he got to the Uptown Coney for a few burgers and fries, he would be getting some indigestion and decide to call it a night. “Lord Almighty, I feel my temperature rising higher and higher. It's burning through to my soul. Maybe it’s that special sauce. I better call Dr. Nick when I get to Deer Lake.” With that he would drive towards the Gordon Nagle Trail.
Over the loudspeaker from the parking lot, the voice could be heard telling the large group, “Elvis has left the Yorkville Coney.”
When the actual cruise started, Elvis’ car would certainly be moved to the front of the line. After a few pictures taken with Mayor Reilly and Jerry Enders, he would accelerate and head down Laurel Boulevard. He would be greeted with cheers of, “burn some rubber, gramps!” The King of Rock and Roll would oblige the crowds after some youngster would pour Clorox on the asphalt to give him just the right amount of traction. How would Elvis react to Officer Clarkson pulling him over to ticket him? I imagine he would tell the policeman, “Don't be cruel, officer, to a heart that's true?” No one knows but I am sure that Clarkson would be let go with just a warning to act his age.
When Elvis gets to Centre Street, he would be greeted with immense adulation from his well wishers. His response would be his trademark, “Thank you, thank you very much.” He would look around and notice all of the changes in Pottsville since he had been here last thirty years or so ago. Someone would yell out to him to make sure he looks at the General’s statue that was just placed at the old fountain. “General, did someone say General…I sure could go for some General Tso’s chicken right now....Hey! The Coney’s still in business!” This would be the first of several stops along the way.
“I like my burgers well done. I wonder if I can still get three for a dollar?”
He would look around while eating his burger and marvel at all of the new parking lots and the reconstruction of the farmer’s market into a theatre.
“Damn, I wish it was still a farmer’s market, I could go for some collard greens. I wonder if the Majestic will show ‘Harem Scarum’ or ‘Liva Los Vegas’ here soon?”
Further down the street, Elvis could see that Pomeroy’s was now gone but Bohorad’s was still in business. “I wonder if Bohorad’s carries any sequined jumpsuits with capes?”
Then it would be time for a quick pit stop at the Garfield. “Mmm. Ham bone dumplings and glazed donuts!”
Further up the street, he would be disappointed that Charlie’s Pizza Shop was closed as it was a Sunday. “I could go for a hunka hunka burning hot pizza right now.” But at Mike Watcher’s auto center he would get out to admire the car dealer’s hot pink Caddy and enjoy some potato salad with Ginny, the office manager. By the time he got to the Uptown Coney for a few burgers and fries, he would be getting some indigestion and decide to call it a night. “Lord Almighty, I feel my temperature rising higher and higher. It's burning through to my soul. Maybe it’s that special sauce. I better call Dr. Nick when I get to Deer Lake.” With that he would drive towards the Gordon Nagle Trail.
Over the loudspeaker from the parking lot, the voice could be heard telling the large group, “Elvis has left the Yorkville Coney.”
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