New Year's Eve Memories

This was taken from my diary of last year. The photograph to the right is of one of Pottsville's wagering parlors.








I left the parking lot at the Pottsville Hospital at about 1:45 A.M. (still enough time to get one last Yuengling lager down at Sarge’s New Year’s Eve party).
It was a busy evening for me, first dinner and drinking at Sarge's New Year's Eve bash, then a dash over to Pottsville Hospital Parking lot after the stroke of midnight. Umbrella in hand, I waited for the announcement of the 2007 new year baby. I had placed my traditional $100 wager on the birth being out of wedlock the day before at one of Pottsville's betting parlors. I stood there in the parking lot, with my ticket clenched firmly in my fist, waiting for the news. I was not alone, there were hundreds of others with me, along with the WNEP news truck and various newspaper cub reporters.

I continued to look up at the rooftop of the hospital to see if I saw any smoke. Tradition has it the when the new year baby has been delivered, the announcement to the world is made by burning old Pottsville Republican newspapers in a special oven. The oven is actually the oven from Charlie's Pizzeria on loan to the hospital for that one special night. The smoke from those papers escapes through a small chimney visible from the parking lot. Usually one can spot the fumata nera or black smoke, which signifies that an out-of-wedlock baby was born – a bastardo. If I see black smoke, then that means pay-off time for me!



Will it be bianca or nera?????

This night I was not so lucky, I dropped my ticket in disappointment as fumata bianca rose up from the chimney. Fumata bianca....the dreaded white smoke. Yes, white smoke came up the chimney, the first time in at least one decade. The new year baby was born to a married couple! Not only were the parents married, they were married to one another! The couple consisted of a male and a female. One of each! Both adults and not related to one another!



Traditionally, a hospital dignitary will then step onto the platform erected in front of the hospital, holding the newborn up in the air, proclaim the name of the infant (after getting HPPA releases signed of course). The crowds in town go wild, throwing hats up, hugging and kissing as if World War II was just ending while the proud father does a victory lap around the lot.

The baby's name is generally something difficult to pronounce or spell. I was hoping the name would be Flava Flave. Not very original; it is the name of my favorite MTV personality. No, this year, the child would have the name Michael, the name of my favorite Archangel, my favorite basketball player, and my favorite Corleone family member. A lot of wagering goes into name selection as well and the pay-off can be astonomical. This year I was going home empty-handed. No Kahrystall, no Jewlle, no Ayden, Kayden, Jayden or Mayden. No Chrystee, no Thembessa, no Nyklas, no Braden, Zayden, Graden or Rayden. Just plain ol' Michael.





I quickly made my way back down to Sarge’s for that one last call for alcohol, listening to the bells ring from the Mister Softee truck now racing down Centre Street proclaiming the good news that the County's New Year Baby has arrived.
Everyone can sleep good tonight.

photo of bib is one of the numerous gifts bestowed up the winning baby every New Year Day.

New Year Baby Contest

Anticipation mounts for the selection of the 2008 New Year Baby. Some have compared the excitement surrounding the announcement of this year’s prized arrival to that surrounding the announcement of a new dalai lama in Tibet. I beg to differ, as the selection in Tibet of the successor child is a long process, sometimes taking years; the selection of the New Year baby in Schuylkill County, however, occurs rather quickly. Some say this is because the mother has to get back to the middle school on January 2nd, but that is not true. That was an ugly urban legend. It is similar to that urban legend that the fly on the trousers of the Henry Clay statue is down and that is why the statue was placed so high off the ground. Neither of those stories are true. Don't bother staring at the statue as you drive down Centre Street.

The only criteria governing the New Year baby contest is that the winning baby must be born immediately after the stroke of the New Year in the Pottsville Hospital before any other baby is born. Unlike the Spelling Bee Contest, which was popular when I was in the middle school, this baby contest is based solely on gestational timing, period. There is no practice or preparation involved whatsoever. Coincidentally, the word that sank my spelling bee chances years ago was the word, gestational.

If anyone would take the time to read the Official Guide to The Schuylkill County’s New Year Baby Contest, then there would be no more arguments, as the contest is open to mothers of all ages. It has never been restricted to those in the middle school despite what you may hear in the Giant Supermarket, Sheetz, the Roller Roost and other public meeting places. In fact when you think about it, older contestants have an advantage over the younger contestants who are under state driving restrictions. The state now prohibits persons under the age of eighteen from driving after eleven p.m.. Therefore, the younger mothers-to-be, even if they have learner permits, must get rides with older boyfriends, hook-ups or other adults willing to give up the hoop-la of New Year's Eve, drive over to the hospital and sit in a waiting room watching an aged Dick Clark on television with total strangers. What a way to spoil what should be a very fun evening. Not many volunteers for that task I may add.

In any event, all downtown Pottsville sport and wagering parlors will remain open until the wee hours of December 31st for those wishing to participate in the yearly tradition of betting on the outcome.

Having the New Year baby born to a couple married to one another will again pay off handsomely for those daring to take the risk.

what I got for christmas

I got the game I wanted!

Courtesy of Dewalt from the Green Screen. All credit goes there.

Christmas games and toys

This year I was reviewing Amazon’s list of hot toys and games to see what I could get for the little ones in the trout family. By the way I am not referring to the Amazon website; I am referring to a lady friend of mine, the former captain of Shenandoah’s Polish-American Roller Derby Team. The nickname “Amazon” stuck to her. Reviewing toys and games is just another one of her past times. I will give you my perspective on Amazon’s review. She has some hits and misses in my opinion.
For starters by all means stay away from the Tickle Me Mohammed doll. Amazon is completely off base with this one. T.M.M. is the riskier version of the old-fashioned Bert doll; guaranteed to get you kicked out of the Sudan as well as local Unity Day festivities. While Amazon said it is this year’s version of the hot-selling Barbie Burka and Jihad Joe dolls, I say "no way Jose." Don't buy one; and keep away from her other recommendation - that new ADHD doll that makes Chatty Cathy seem like a shy wallflower. You know, it doesn't even come with play Ritalin tablets; you need to purchase a doctor's kit separately to get those. I say if your looking for a toy doll, you can't go wrong with the Wiggans Patch dolls.
For more regional items Amazon recommends the Pottsopoly board game. It is based on Monopoly, but with local places replacing those in Atlantic City. For instance, Boardwalk, Baltic Avenue and Trump Towers are replaced with Centre Street, John O’Hara Boulevard and Joulwan Park. But what makes this game fascinating is that the cards are more realistic. Yes, if you land on “Chance” or “Community Chest” a player still takes the top card from the deck and follows the instructions. These are examples of the cards:
“Your house was recently painted a bright Kelly green in violation of the city paint regulations. Go directly to Jail.”
“Congratulations! You are the winner of the New Year Baby Contest, Collect $50.”
“ACCESS won’t cover your tongue piercing, pay $250.”
“You’re latest hook-up went into a rage over the Maroons not getting the NFL title back, go directly to the Domestic Violence Shelter, Do Not Pass Go”
By far this was my favorite of Amazon's recommendations.
The McAdoo Superfund Mystery Suds is supposed to be used in a bathtub. It’s like an updated Mr. Bubbles, an effervescent bath product which makes suds on top of the water. But who gets in a bathtub anymore? Maybe if you are going to the Poconos with someone special and have a room reserved with one of those special bathtubs. Otherwise I would pass on that gift.
If you have a budding chemist in the family Amazon recommends “My Little Meth Lab Game” geared for pre-schoolers. Each player races around the board which is set up to look like an authentic Mahanoy City meth lab. The object of the game is to successfully get enough of the ingredients necessary to score real big before the vermin-infested lab blows up. I liked this game more than the Game of Life. I am certainly going to go to Sauers Toy Store in Yorkville and put that one in my shopping cart.
Although Amazon recommended the 1925 Electric Maroons’ Football, I will pass as the game for safety reasons; it is only up to 1925 electric code standards to make it more realistic. I have more fun sticking a fork into a toaster. Also, even if you are the Maroons team and score more points, according to the rules in this game you still don't win.

Lastly, Amazon predicts that toddlers will love the durable plastic Cressona Truck Playset that comes with three different toy trucks, all carrying loads of play hazardous materials, mainly real authentic Chinese lead. With this set you get a life-like miniature replica of the Cressona railroad bridge. Amazon told me that when the trucks get lodged in the tunnel children learn the virtue of patience. By the way, the set also comes with a smaller toy tow truck and brightly colored warning signs.

Courthouse Canteen

“While getting my dog license this year, I finally realized why the Schuylkill County Courthouse has always had a reputation for fine cookery. Yes, I happened to have lunch in “The Canteen,” high upon Courthouse Hill. I started out with a cup of the highly recommended coffee while I studied the menu. The java was so strong that it made me shake as if I was Michael Jackson on his wedding night.
I have dined in the Courthouse for decades. In the early ‘60s, I remember dining in the café located on the first floor. I was there for my first divorce. I remember its name was “Mr. Bill’s Bistro.” Although it was primarily a breakfast nook, Mr. Bill would serve the finest Oscar Meyer cold cuts on Sunbeam white bread along with a hot cup of canned soup. What more could I say about Bill’s soup? Campbell’s Tomato never tasted better. And the presentation that Mr. Bill had for his consommé was exquisite – his legendary saltine crackers on the side. In fact, Mr. Bill was rumored to be the inspiration for the Soup Nazi on the TV show, Seinfeld. His loud and repetitive, “Next!” was certainly copied by the NBC scriptwriters without Bill ever getting any acknowledgement or royalties. My mouth begins to water when I think of his desert bar. It was filled with a various array of mouth watering Tastycakes. For entertainment, a radio would fade in and out, crackling with the finest in AM broadcasting. Generally you could catch some of the Phillies’ games. Then there was the weight machine that also gave your fortune – a perfect combination. Your weight, together with a fortune that was good for the rest of the day - all for one nickel! That is only 21/2 cents for each! It was not unusual to see a naïve juror take off shoes and undress prior to getting on the scale.
Unfortunately, Mr. Bill was put out of business after one elderly woman spilled some hot soup on her lap. The litigation lasted several years and eventually the sheriff had to sell everything to pay off the judgment.
In the 1970s, the Commissioners attempted to operate an “all you can eat” seafood buffet. Besides the usual fare of salmon, eel and clam chowder, the finest catch from Sweet Arrow Lake would be served daily. Nevertheless the place shut down after several months due to poor refrigeration. The dining facility then changed management more often that Michael Jackson changed his looks..
Luckily, the voters several years ago approved a $10 million bond issue and the Commissioners invested in a complete overhaul of the Courthouse dining facility. The wise outlay paid off with the grand opening of “The Canteen.” It is strictly American Wild West at it best. Think of the Hoop-de-do Revue at DisneyWorld, but on a smaller scale. Where else could you find work-release inmates singing the latest in country music while you feast? Be prepared for slapstick, corny jokes and lots of singing and dancing. But of course, the food is the center of attraction. There is a superb “Coroner’s delight buffet,” featuring an array of courthouse bologna. I stick to the split pea f.a. soup with a lean double cheese Horn Burger. A wide assortment of ice cream is also available. Enjoy a double dip of Prothonocherry or fiscal crunch while enjoying the breathtaking view of the city. If you think the restaurant revolves, you are wrong; that is the Turkish coffee working its magic once again.
How are the lavatories, you ask? Quite clean and cosmopolitan. One will find find politicians, criminals and paternity test takers, inside washing up before and after dining. No longer do you find the old, pull-down towel machine with more handprints preserved than found in Central Booking. Now a powerful hand dryer has been installed, strong enough to knock a hairpiece off an unsuspecting courthouse employee. And for you lavatory slow pokes, you can easily find a copy of the Police Gazette or the county budget to pass the time.
Lastly, The Canteen’s smoking lounge is unbelievable. It is suave and sophisticated. It is paradise found. Remember that most people involved in politics or government smoke. It is a prerequisite. Some say it has something to do with bad nerves or guilt. I just don’t know. What I do know is that Pottsville’s largest cloud of fumes since the East Penn busses crawled up Market Street now hovers in “The Canteen.” Old Gold, Viceroy, Tareyton, Raleigh, Muriel, Tiparillo, and Chesterfield – all blend together to give the lounge a special glow.
Yes I have over fifty years of fond Courthouse dining memories. I am glad to have shared a few of them with you.