presidential debate at the Majestic Theatre!!

The Sovereign Majestic Theatre, downtown Pottsville

(named after the bank whose stock has recently closed pitifully at $10.23/share)

I have a great suggestion for the Sovereign Majestic Theatre located in downtown Pottsville.

I propose that the theatre should be the site of a historic debate between the two remaining candidates in the Democratic presidential race. Yes, the theatre can sponsor a debate which will undoubtedly sell out quicker than the "Schuylkill River Dance" show of last St. Patty's Day.

A lively April debate can be held at a mutually agreeable time, say the opening day of trout season, to be covered live on WPPA, WPAM and T-109 as well as Comcast’s Channel 15 ("the Pottsville Station"). I suggest that the moderator be someone impartial, such as the Winter Carnival’s Master of Ceremonies, who has been grilling carnival contestants with tough questions for over 35 years. In my opinion he's the county's version of Tim Russert.

I would bet my last nickel that such an event would rival Kennedy’s appearance back in 1960 when he uttered his famous words, “Ich bin ein Pottsviller! Tear down this wall” in Garfield Square to hundreds of bewildered well-wishers before heading over to the city pool that bears his name for quick dip. Kennedy in Garfield Square, 1960

It is doubtful that I would ever be selected as a panelist at such a prestigious event, even though I am the brains behind the idea. However, I submit the following questions to be posed to the contestants, Senator Clinton and the new comer who can use some publicity around here. You know, Senator Obama (who the average county resident thinks is named after the largest city in Nebraska):

1. Who is your favorite Dorsey Brother and why? ( Note: I deliberately start out with an easy one to make them more feel more relaxed and comfortable).
2. Assuming you are elected president, what criteria will you establish for granting a presidential pardon? Will you ever consider a presidential pardon for a Koch Turkey Farm fowl at Thanksgiving time? If not, why not, as the people of the Lewistown Valley want to know?
3. You pride yourself as an environmentalist. Therefore, in our struggle against global warming, would you endorse the Kyoto Accord and totally ban jalapeño pierogies?
4. With gas prices spiraling towards the four dollar a gallon mark, what will you do to assist the Pottsville Cruise and make it more affordable for the average cruiser? And will personally buy a Cruise raffle ticket?
5. Dmitry Medvedev, as we all know, is the newly elected president of Russia. Can either of you Senators name the Mayor of Shenandoah and discuss how can the United States improve relations with that difficult Borough?
6. It had been asked in the 1992 election, “Boxers or briefs?” However a more important question was never asked, “Yuengling Premium or Yuengling Lager?”
7. Senator, would you be willing to look directly into the camera and, using simple and unequivocal language, give the people of the city your solemn pledge to restore the NFL 1926 championship to the Pottsville Maroons even if it requires unilateral military action?
8. What can the United States do to ensure that Santa Claus, the sovereign leader of the North Pole, delivers lumps of Pennsylvania anthracite coal to all of the bad children of the world every Christmas eve?
9. We have all heard your positions on NAFTA, but can you now elaborate your positions on ATEECO, SEDCO, PADCO, and REDCO?
10. What effect does global warming have on the future of the Greater Pottsville Winter Carnival? If global warming continues, do you actually believe that our grandchildren will be living in a time when the designation of “Queen of the Snows” is forced to re-titled “Queen of the Slush?”

JFK Pool

I was inspired by my memories of going to JFK Pool when it first opened. It was a baby boomer dream come true.

"Let My People Swim!"

I want to share my memories of JFK pool with you. For those who are unfamiliar with Pottsville’s JFK Pool, it is named after the late President John Fitzgerald Kennedy and not the presidential candidate, John Forbes Kerry, even though widow Heinz’s ketchup is served at its concession stand. This fabled swimming pool is located at Railway Park in the northwest section of Pottsville. When it opened in 1965, it was the premier swimming hole in eastern Pennsylvania. Not only that, it was the home of “The Tower.” The edifice was a massive vertical block of cement, which appeared a mile high.
Actually, how high was the Tower? Well, the oxygen got mighty thin as you scaled the steps. Once on the platform, you got a peaceful, woozy feeling of accomplishment. You had a breathtaking view of all the humanity down below that appeared as small as ants – ants with pasty, white thighs.
Pottsville’s new pool was big. It was practically large enough to place all of Wadesville’s buildings within the confines of its cement walls. In fact, the pool so was big that it was rumored to have its own zips code. That means it had a very large volume of recirculating water. How much? I can’t tell you for sure. However, when in the center of the pool you could not see land in any direction. It was rumored to be an honorary sixth Great Lake.
Prior to the pool opening, the west side of Pottsville had to be content with an inflatable plastic pool located on the front lawn of the high school. However, a careless lifeguard accidentally punctured the pool and the west-siders had to now cross town to swim at the East Side. The long walk up East Norwegian Street carrying inner tubes and rafts was intolerable for the citizenry. Mayor Mike Close rose to the challenge; a mammoth public works project in earnest. When completed, holding his staff above his head and looking up towards the heavens, his honor uttered the famous proclamation, "Let my people swim!” The JFK Pool swung open its doors to thousands of pasty, white Pottsvillians with flabby thighs all in stuffed Speedos and primitive thongs.
Grand opening was on Memorial Day, 1965! What a sight to behold. Yes; there were a few glitches. The signs for the restroom pointed to the pool and were quickly moved to point in the right direction. Other than that, the place was ready for action. Attendees quickly changed in one of the two Jacqueline Onasis Dressing Rooms, then walked through the gate with their flotation devices searching for a small spots of grass to quickly place one’s towel. Then it was a mad rush over to the concession stand for fries, hot dogs and burgers. Yes Pottsvillians have their priorities in order! After waiting 30 minutes to avoid the possibility of cramps, the titanic crowd headed to the water for an afternoon of frolic under the hot city sun. The pool was now officially open for business! The horde was so large that Pomeroy mannequins were hastily placed on the chairs and draped with whistles to increase the number of lifeguards on duty.
The pool was the deepest and biggest around. Crowds came from near and far that it resembled the Ganges in India on really hot weekends. When the sun set, the crowds would stampede out towards their cars and head home to douse themselves with Noxema or other sunburn lotions. Mammy Trout would linger for a time, walking around with her metal detector while the work crew would clean up for the next day.
Besides recreational swimming, the management featured Pottsville’s own Aquacade. It was truly a spectacle. It occurred at the end of July or beginning of August. It featured many local youngsters performing choreographed swims to the backdrop of Broadway melodies. It was the perfect expression of Pottsville’s excessive style back then – opulent, extravagant, lavish and magnificent. I wonder if anyone else remembers Aquacade. with all of the synchronized swimmers, floats and divers?
For the faint of heart, the facility has the JFK, Jr. baby pool ("The John John") on the south side of the grounds. However, the focal point was “La Torre” (“The Tower”). A trip to Pottsville would seem a waste if you missed the world-famous dives, cannonballs, belly flops and can openers as people plunged off the concrete structure estimated to be 130 feet high. Many would view the death defying acts from the nearby Catholic War Veterans’ balcony overlooking the pool while enjoying a Yuengling beer.
I still swim at the pool forty years later. The grounds and the water are clean, but the Tower is gone and so are the large crowds. The idea of a community pool is not as popular as it once was. Apparently, middle-class kids want to swim alone in a private pool in their yard. I don’t know why. I couldn’t think of anything more boring. Although the Tower is gone, the City has constructed “The Whitewater Slide,” which brings to mind the exhilaration of the Clinton Administration. It is roller coaster without a seat. It is definitely worth the price of admission. Trust me, have I ever lied to you?