It certainly is. I remember fighting in the trenches to support the county code’s commissioner-style form of government against the rebels who proposed a change to home rule. I remember defending the jury commissioners against the onslaught of criticism that they did nothing but cost the county tens of thousands of dollars per year.
It was guarding them during those turbulent years that I learned how to meditate and understand what the sound of one hand clapping. ( I will let you in on a secret, it sounds like the Mr. Softee truck coming down East Arch Street really fast). It was then that I realized the importance of doing nothing. Watching those two sages accomplish nothing brought me enlightenment tenfold for which I am eternally grateful.
It was guarding them during those turbulent years that I learned how to meditate and understand what the sound of one hand clapping. ( I will let you in on a secret, it sounds like the Mr. Softee truck coming down East Arch Street really fast). It was then that I realized the importance of doing nothing. Watching those two sages accomplish nothing brought me enlightenment tenfold for which I am eternally grateful.
Now my rotary phone is ringing off the hook with the bad news. On May 2nd, a day that will live in infamy, our county commissioners abolished the elected positions of jury commissioners, with a stroke of a pen. Not a whimper from the old guard. It reminded me of the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact of 1939, Yes, it is a bad day in our county’s history.
I realized that something was wrong when the jury commissioners were beckoned to the Courthouse with the ploy to participate in the Day of Prayer festivities. Such participation would be awkward as it would break their vows of doing nothing. Fearing that they were in danger and could be seized, I contacted them at their headquarters, a mysterious underground office that has always remained hidden from the view of the public. I told them they were in danger and had to get up off their bean bag chairs and leave at once.
Quickly the two disguised themselves, donning soiled baseball caps, frayed tee shirts and sweatpants, holding ice tea cartons, voided powerball tickets and a slices of Roma Pizza, so as to blend in with the ordinary Schuylkill Countians. With an unexpected thunderstorm storm providing cover, the beleaguered twosome walked out to the streets totally unrecognized. The Jury Commissioners and their staff quickly shuffled towards Sharp Mountain, with the only delay being for the Walk sign to appear at the corner of Centre and Mahantongo Streets. They began had begun their long trek to anticipated freedom in Northumberland County.
This occurred just in the nick of time as the deputy sheriffs, county detectives, Pottsville Police and School Crossing Guards had just surrounded the hidden office complex where the jury commissioners peacefully did nothing for decades.
This occurred just in the nick of time as the deputy sheriffs, county detectives, Pottsville Police and School Crossing Guards had just surrounded the hidden office complex where the jury commissioners peacefully did nothing for decades.
It was two days before the County Commissioners were advised that the jury commissioners had eluded capture after a thorough search of the headquarters. Even with the prayer to St. Anthony, during the National Prayer Day festivities, the jury commissioners still could not be found. However the deputies managed to wrestle and confiscate the jury commissioners’ Wheel as well as apprehend six slices of cold Roma Pizza which they dutifully consumed.
For the unenlightened, the Jury Commissioner Wheel can be compared to the Ark of the Covenant and is revered by the stalwarts who believe that the County Code is sacred and should never be tampered with. Now this hallowed Wheel is in the possession of the County Commissioners and its fate is unknown. Some say that it will be given to the Area Agency of Aging to be used for bingo at the Downtown Senior Citizens Center or at a stand at the American Way Fair. Others say that it must be destroyed so as to erase any reason for the Jury Commissioners supporters to rise up and restore the Jury Commissioners to their rightful seats of power. Only time will tell.
After trekking nearly forty-eight hours, the Jury Commissioners and their party reached the Northumberland County border and stopped at the Dharamshala Trailer Park on Main Street in Herdon, where humanitarian sanctuary was offered. This granting of asylum has touched off a major diplomatic firestorm between the two counties, with ambassadors being recalled.
For now, the Schuylkill County jury commissioners are remaining faithful to the oath they took after being duly elected to do absolutely nothing. The mobile home (whose specific lot number will remain anonymous so not as to alert the police) is now the Jury Commissioners' Office-In-Exile-On-Main Street, where the two remain faithful to the oath they took after being elected by we, the people. At this moment they are in their trailer doing nothing as they had done for decades. In support of the Jury Commissioners, during the week of May 11th people are asked to please wear the color purple.
For now, the Schuylkill County jury commissioners are remaining faithful to the oath they took after being duly elected to do absolutely nothing. The mobile home (whose specific lot number will remain anonymous so not as to alert the police) is now the Jury Commissioners' Office-In-Exile-On-Main Street, where the two remain faithful to the oath they took after being elected by we, the people. At this moment they are in their trailer doing nothing as they had done for decades. In support of the Jury Commissioners, during the week of May 11th people are asked to please wear the color purple.
