Altamont: The Ultimate Director's Cut

Three days of Peace and Love in the “Mountain City.” That was forty years ago. Yes 1969 - the year that Lance Armstrong performed the first moonwalk, Ted Kennedy had his car cruise over a Cape Cod bridge (with disastrous results), The New York Mets won the World Series and Led Zeppelin released its first album - all milestones in our shared history.
But many of us have forgotten the famed Altamont Free Festival that attracted tens of thousands from across the county to the town of Frackville, drawn together by the raw energy that only polka music could create. Schuylkill Living Magazine recently hailed the Festival as one of the 10 greatest moments in the County’s Entertainment History (tied for third place with the 1964 Spelling Bee).
The festival was proof to a skeptical world that a generation of boilo-filled, hedonistic people could handle themselves well.
Now, at last, the moguls at San-Son Productions have released “Altamont: The Ultimate Director’s Cut” (English, with Ukrainian Subtitles). The total time to watch this amazing movie takes seventeen hours, so plan to waste an entire weekend and cancel all other plans you may have.
This edition is much better than any previous versions released in the past (whether VHS, Beta or ViewMaster). The clarity of DVD and Blu-ray now makes it possible to examine every strand in Yak Tam Billy Urban’s haircut and you can actually see some saliva fall from the spit valves on the trombones of the Shenandoah High marching band; that is how crystal clear the images are.
You may have seen the original theatrical release when it premiered at the Ritz in St. Clair but this expanded and remastered Ultimate Director’s Cut includes fifteen hours of newly discovered material, some never-before-published in their entirety, from a number of artists. You get to see Happy Louie singing his ode to bleenies, “ I think I’m Fixing To Fry Rag” with the crowd yelling out in Dolby surround unison, “E” -“I”-“O”, “E”-“I”-“O.” You get the full performances of legendary performers - all the big names, the little names, the real names, the imaginary names- You get Jolly Jack Robel, new footage of the butt-kicking Lost Creek Polka Dots, Jolly Joe Timer, Stosh “Scrubby” Svreweryniak, The Lower Shaft Slovene Orchestra cranking out the “Hoop Dee Doo Polka,” “Fast” Eddie Blayonczyk, Marion Lush, Walt Jaworski doing his “Strip Mine Czardas,” Ted Maksymowicz, and even Mrs. T singing an a capella “Ho-Siup Oj Dana Polka” while the rains poured down on the mass of humanity sitting in the mud. Her performance was compared to Joplin's Monterey Pop set in terms of raw energy and raw onions.

This historic release also incorporates reflections from the musicians, local politicians and other giants on the cultural significance of Altamont Free Festival 40 years later. Were the infamous “brown bleenies” actually that bad for you? How many potatoes did it take to fill the Mosh potato pit? Was Route 61 actually closed down? Was the festival actually held on the site of the Ashland Drive-In? Why did the legendary Jimmy Sturr fail to appear? Did Lil Andy intentionally set his accordion on fire, during the ‘Fire, Fire Polka’ or was it an accident? Was County Controller Metro Litwak correct when he said ‘We must be in heaven, man’?' Was there real nudity or did some of the full-figured Minersville women just accidentally split their stretch pants?

This Ultimate Director’s Cut gives you Clarinetist “Jolly” John Hyzny performing his burning hot, seventeen minute long “Liechtensteiner Polka,” The Individuals doing a dynamite “She likes Kielbasa Better Than Beer,” Stanky and The CoalCrackers doing a furious “No Beer In Heaven,” followed by an even more furious “Ice Cubes and Beer,” and the improvisational skills of Sly Stone, who filled at the last minute for Gene Wysnkcavage & his Gilberton Push, performing the unbelievable “I Want to Have A Kaiers”.
As a musical purist, I was especially excited to hear the remastered “Johnny’s Knocking (Puka Jasiu),” another gem found in this set, performed by Big Barrel Emil, with its unforgettable opening clarinet riffs.
The box set includes not only six discs, but tons of extras, booklets, garment and bicycle tire patches, babushkas, galoshes, Alka Seltzer, air fresheners, a truss and halushkie recipes. Well worth the $79.99.

(sandy) beach memories

Dear Mr. Trout,
Do you ever go to the beach in the summer?

Wondering

Dear Wondering,

Going to the beach used to be a summer ritual for me. I remember those trips so well. I remember the salt air, the white caps of the waves, and the thunderous surf. I would pack up the station wagon with beach umbrellas, boogie boards, lounge chairs, snorkels and my trusty metal detector and head up north on Route 61 to the beach, weaving in and out of the traffic. I would arrange the beach weekend to coincide with my visitation times, picking up some of the young ones along the way. Driving from Pine Grove to Shenandoah Heights seemed like an eternity especially with those stops along the way. To pass the time we would count out-of-state license plates and sing. My favorite stop along the way was picking up my daughter Santana at the police station; the station was the exchange location under the PFA restraining order placed against me by her mother. I remember taking photographs of Santana and the chief of police with my Brownie camera. We took photographs often at that exchange point. Santana now has neat photo album as the PFA generally got renewed every eighteen months. I told her that it is important to keep these memories close to her heart. And, you know, she still keeps in touch with that old chief of police at Christmas time. Now whenever she sees a police officer, she says she always thinks of me.

For those of you that are geographically challenged, Sandy Beach was located on the top of the Locust Mountain, near Shenandoah Heights. We used to go to the Greenie but later we became hooked on Sandy Beach. Yes, The Heights had one of the best beaches on the east coast; the sand was amazingly soft-powdery-white and very wide with plenty of room. I used to tell the kids that we were going to a topless beach, as all of the women would remove their babushkas before getting in the water.
Once we got to the beach we would look for the “perfect spot” to put down our blanket. Once we claimed a spot Mammy would sit down and coat herself with a mixture of baby oil and iodine. If there was any oil left over the kids got to put some on and play Indian warriors. Then she would find WMBT on the transistor radio so she could listen to the polkas while we opened up the picnic basket and passed the food around. Lots of baked kielbassa).

I was never one of those people who worried about cramps if you ate before swimming. Que sera, sera. I think eating before swimming actually gives a swimmer much more energy. Mammy would worry about cramps and rarely got in the water even if she brought her Midol with her. She would sit on her blanket with that aluminum tray under her chin to pull in the summer rays while we would swim. After our dip, while the kids built sand castles, I would walk around with the metal detector but I never would find anything other than some old Columbia beer bottle caps.

We were so crazy about Sandy Beach I purchased a time share in Shenandoah. We still have it. Lucky for us our week coincides with Heritage Day and it is along the parade route. Alas, the beach is now closed, some say apparently a victim of its own success. Others say it was due to medical waste washing ashore from the Locust Mountain Hospital. Still others said it closed because the fickle spring breakers went elsewhere. I dunno. It is just closed. Not even open anymore for the Polar Bear Plunge on New Year’s Day. We also stopped going to Pottsville's JFK Pool after the City, under pressure from PETA, outlawed the diving horse show and removed "The Tower." So to answer your question, I no longer go to the beach and my swimming is now done virtually - courtesy of the Wii in the comfort of my living room on my 50 inch plasma television.