polling results - we have a winner!

The "thing on Mahantongo Street" was declared to be a shade tree and will receive all of the perks that come with that designation as bestowed by the Pottsville Shade Tree Commission. *
Yes, the votes cast were underwhelming, but a certified tabulation by the Schuylkill County League of Women Voters In Crisis (a recent merger of two organization precipitated by the recent Commonwealth budget crisis).
Although not one vote was cast for “shade tree,” a plurality of the votes cast apparently determined the thing to be a “son of a beech.”

“A beech is a shade tree!” ruled the League of Women Voters In Crisis, "so a son of beech must also be a shade tree." Although there was apparent confusion over how trees reproduce.

Pottsville’s betting parlors were in a frenzy after the decision was announced; as the odds-on winner was projected to be “Its part of the recent Skankification project.”

“Election fraud!” was echoed through out the county, even in Frackville which has no trees. “What is this, Afghanistan Tehran or Luzerne County!”
Some argued that it was the butterfly ballot which made it difficult for many to determine that a vote for the European beech was a vote for “shade tree.”
“No one voted for shade tree. How on earth can a vote for a beech tree be tabulated as a vote for a shade tree?
"This is a sign or evidence of widespread rigging."
"The Rest Haven votes were not counted as the patients did not know how to turn on the computers."

"The write-in votes for bamboo cast on etch-a-sketches, and not computers, were thrown out."

Apparently two votes were cast for “Venus fly trap” causing the outrage over election irregularities to escalate. Many argued that these votes were cast due to the so-called “dimple vote” – the voter was not pressing hard enough on one of the other options and fingers slipped onto the “son of a beech tree” selection. The two who voted for Venus fly trap were also compared to those who voted for Ralph Nader in the 2000 presidential election - wasting a vote on a spoiler with no chance of winning.
The Schuylkill Haven Call editorialized that “fraud was so pervasive that nearly a quarter of all votes should be thrown out. Mammy Trout has admitted to voting at least three times. How could anyone think that the 800 block of Mahantongo Streer is harboring a Venus fly trap large enough to devour a dog, an innocent child or even the typically-sized man that frequents Renninger's Market on a Sunday morning in order to purchase his sticky buns?”
Some complained that many of those who cast a vote were probably under the influence and their votes should not count. All fingers pointed to Mammy Trout.

To them I say “this is America and the vote of a drunk is just as important as the vote of someone sober.”

Just remember; there were not “many” votes to begin with, only eleven.
Despite this controversy, “the thing on Mahantongo Street” will be sworn in officially as a protected street shade tree on January 20th in a pompous ceremony featuring the City Code Enforcement Office, a handful of Vulcans, the Tree Commission and the Third Brigade Band (playing “Tie A Yellow Ribbon Around the Old Beech Tree”), a large group of tourists visiting Yuengling Brewery, street people, and a few dogs. Until the dedication, the "shade-tree elect" will recieve round-the-clock protection from Pottsville's finest street crossing guards.

There will be no run-off election! Na da! The Schuylkill County League of Women Voters In Crisis will now focus its attention on the upcoming Jury Commissioner race which is too close to call.

*perks include Miracle-Grow and water

Shade Tree or Weed?

Pottsville’s street trees are now showing off their majestic autumn colors!

I took a few photographs around town and this is my favorite. Someone argued with me over whether it is a street tree or not. He said it was a weed…a tall two story weed. I disagreed. I told him there is a weed ordinance in the city that prohibits weeds from being more than one story tall. Another passerby chimed in and told me that whatever it is, it was planted during a city Skankification project and therefore it is to be revered. If I wanted to, I was told I could take a leaf and show it to Porcupine Pat who could determine the species. I am now confused, so I will go out on a limb and leaf it up to you, the readers. let's see what the poplar vote tells us. Oakey-dokey.

What the heck is that thing growing on the 800 block of Mahantongo Street? VOTE ON THE POLL FOUND TO THE RIGHT OF THE BLOG. No dangling chads please! Read the voting instructions prior to casting your vote.

Here is the city ordinance prohibiting weeds from growing more than one story tall:

It shall be the duty of every person who shall hold title in any capacity to or have possession of or be responsible for the management or upkeep of any land or lot of ground upon which any noxious weeds, as herein defined, may be growing in excess of one story in height to cut or destroy the same and also to prevent such weeds from flowering or going to seed and the seed of the same from ripening.

[Amended 6-12-2006 by Ord. No. 734]
Noxious weeds include burdock, chicory, crabgrass, garlic or wild onion, goldenrod, horse nettle, milkweed, morning glory, mullen, perennial thistle (including Canada, Russian, sow, bull and other thistles), poison ivy, quack grass, ragweed, sumac, wild carrot, wild lettuce, wild mustard, wild parsnip and wild snapdragon, and all other weeds and growths not herein specifically mentioned.

We'll miss you Weight Watchers!

I went to the downtown of Pottsville the other day with a sense of loss and wonder... Actually I ended up with that sense of loss and wonder after I got downtown. It involves the City's plan to demolish the historic International Weight Watchers Building. I looked across the street at the building for perhaps the last time and that is how I ended up with that sense of loss. I understood that progress will be made and a fancy new bus depot will erected there and that is where I got my sense of wonder....wondering where the passengers will come from?
Weight Watchers had been a part of Pottsville’s history and now it will be forgotten. Apparently when the Tilt Silk Mill opened in the late 1800’s it gave employment to hundreds of women. Women’s fashion was becoming big business and management shrewdly noticed that outfits worn by heavy women used more silk than those of slender women, yet the outfits cost the same amount of money. Since this was the Victorian era, a hundred years before the acceptance of hot pants, management focused on getting women to slim down. Yes! there were larger profits in clothing sales if everyone wore smaller sizes.

Weight Watchers was encouraged to open up a facility in Pottsville and the grand opening was sometime after the American Way Fair in 1892. It started off slowly with several women peeking in the door after work on payday, on their way to purchase their weekly supply of Mootz peanut rolls. It took several years for Weight Watchers to gain acceptance in the community a “large girth” was seen as a sign of affluence. After World War I thinness was whispered to be a codeword for creeping Bolshevism. “Better well fed than Red” was a slogan yelled by angry pickets along Centre Street as nervous chubby women wandered into the structure now known as the “International Weight Watchers Building” or IWW. Membership increased to the point that the District Attorney’s office was pressured to do something. Husbands demanded action as thin wives were less likely to be able to do the normal hours of household chores expected of them. The District Attorney had one his detectives - McParlan I believe - infiltrate the IWW; before long deportations were commenced, nearly breaking the back of the IWW.
The IWW building saw a decrease in activity during the depression as whenever one is depressed one tends to eat more. Yes, you heard me correctly….when people are depressed they tend to eat abnormally large amounts of food in a short period of time, even when not hungry. Thus, it was during this great depression that the citizenry tended to pack on the pounds as never before. Some say that Schuylkill County has never recovered from the Great Depression and that is why obesity is still a major concern.

In any event the group running the IWW Building began to relish (no pun intended) its image as a subversive organization. Soon the building’s façade underwent a transformation to its present stunning features. Some say the building reminds one of a giant sardine can with its subliminal message of promoting the consumption of fish. Yes, believe it or not, some people actually think that fish dinners are a healthier alternative to ring bologna and try to hoist this hoax upon the good people of the county. Other critics stated that the architecture of the new facade was pure Khrushchovka found only within the bowels of the Soviet Union during the 1950s. Now demands for more deportations flooded the district attorneys office but the county detectives reported back that nearly all of the women attending the IWW meetings were born in Schuylkill County. Deportations would be fruitless as the ensuing Charlie McCarthy hearings proved to the county.

Yes, I have a sense of loss now. The Tilt Silk Mill has been gone for decades with the local garment industry replaced by cheap labor in China, making cheap clothes for the cheap American women to wear 24/7. And now the IWW Building in downtown Pottsville will be knocked down leaving me only distant memories of the pretty chubby women who once graced the Centre Street premises, parading about in their made-in-America stylish silk garments. I will think of them and that sardine can building often as I try and ease my sense of loss over shots and beers at the Eagles Club.Please join me.