Dear Mr. Trout:
I am 8 years old. Some
of my little friends say there was Pottsie Ottsie. My mother’s latest boyfriend said that if you see it
on the "Beansoup for the Soul" website then its so. Please tell me the truth; was
there a Pottsie Ottsie?
Virginia
Your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by
the skepticism of a skeptical age. How dreary would be Schuylkill County have
been if there was no Pottsie Ottsie. Virginia, Pottsie Ottsie was the Greater
Pottsville Winter Carnival mascot for many years, during a time when Pottsville’s
citizens actually held jobs and cleaned up after themselves and their property. Don’t be frightened Virginia. Those people
actually seemed to enjoy holding jobs and cleaning up after themselves and
keeping their property neat and tidy - horrible as it may sound to you and to
me. Virginia, be grateful for the safety net that you have now
which allows you to avoid holding a job, or taking care of yourself or your property and guarantees you a disability check for your ergophobia ("fear of the workplace") as well as subsidized apartment.
Known to his friends
as Ottsie, he was a snowman of mixed heritage. His father, Frederic, was Teutonic and his mother, Rita, was Italian ice; he was born in Yorkville during a blizzard when
Yorkville was an independent duchy. His
birth name was Otto von Mieswinkel. He
attended the Yorkville Elementary School and was proud to be one of the first snowmen
to do so. His high school years were
uneventful, although he was King of the Christmas prom for all four years. After graduation, he attempted to join the
service but was labelled 4-F for having cold feet and an undescended snow ball.
He went to work for the "The Pottsville Ice and Cold
Storage Company” on East Railroad Street. He worked there for years and eventually
learned everything about ice - cube, cracked, shaved and block. He knew it
all. His knowledge of ice made him a hit with Pottsville’s cocktail lounge
circuit where ice was very important.
He was a snowman about town, either at the Necho Allen Tap Room, the Leiderkrantz or the Yorkville Hose House.
It was Ottsie that taught all of the city’s bartenders how important
that crushed ice was for mint juleps, despite what they teach you in school. He soon ended up with a bevy of
girlfriends. All princesses if you catch my drift. Most found his button nose irresistible, although one thought it was abominable but overlooked it.
It was at the Pottsville Ski Lodge that Otto met up with the
Winter Carnival founding mothers and fathers.
He offered them glitz and glamour as well as a steady stream of ice for their
cocktails. In return they offered him
fame and fortune for being the mascot.
Thus, he was renamed "Pottsie Ottsie." A star was born.
Things went well until Carnival fell on hard times due to
the gas shortages; many floats would be abandoned along the parade route. Finger-pointing began and they all pointed to
Pottsie Ottsie. He would look at them
with his two eyes made out of coal and deny any responsibility but it appeared
that his days were numbered. Many
believed that Pottsie was a bit of a flake and that the city needed a more
recognizable mascot. They began to push
a certain leprechaun who had the right family connections. Soon the city was torn apart. Half wanted Ottsie
to stay, half wanted Ottsie out. The Pottsville Riot Police were often called
to dispel the demonstrators with many notable citizens picking sides.
Soon Pottsie Ottsie went on WPPA and stunned the listening
audience. “I leave you gentleman now. You will now write it; you will interpret
it; that's your right. But as I leave you I want you to know.... just think how
much you're going to be missing. You don't have Ottsie to kick around anymore,
because, gentlemen, this is my last press conference.”
From then on Pottsie Ottsie was given the cold shoulder. He
slid into obscurity, hitting the chilly sauce at various gin joints, getting into snowball fights, and leading a
life of debauchery. Not necessarily in that order. Things got so bad that he was seen running here and there,
all around the square saying “Catch me if you can.”
After being diagnosed as bi-polar (Arctic and Antarctic), his three involuntary commitments in 5-P didn’t seem to help.
His last years were spent in a small room at the William
Penn Hotel on East Norwegian Street. While reports were given to the desk clerk of a strange "thumpity, thump, thump" coming from his room, no one checked on him. Some
said he was dead for some time, as all that remained was a puddle, a button
nose, two eyes made of coal and a corn cob pipe.
DNA testing years later, performed by
Pottsville’s esteemed surgeon general, confirmed the large puddle to be the remains
of Pottsie Ottsie.
There would be no public ceremony, only a simple funeral. His grave stone epitaph at the old Saint John's Cemetery, on Bunker Hill, simply reads "a jolly, happy soul."
Pottsville has been without a mascot ever since, and it shows.
Virginia, while he may have evaporated, Pottsie Ottsie still
lives in our hearts. I hope he continues to live in yours.
