Ashland's mother monument

Dear Mr. trout,

Was the statue of the Girardville Pirate Lady the most talked about monument in the county’s history?

Geraldine

Dear Geraldine:

Indeed not. Many would recall the day the Pomeroy’s mannequin was passed off as a statue of a native American woman; installed at the front of Lake Wynonah with all the bru-ha-ha following. But that is nothing compared the mother of all monuments in Ashland.
That monument was planned and erected during the depression that began in 1929 and, to some, continues in Schuylkill County to this very day.

What a controversy!
Reading the Ashland Daily News, it appears that there was confusion over what type of monument to erect honoring motherhood. Many believed that the appropriate image would a reproduction of the statue depicting the twins Romulus and Remus being nursed by the she-wolf. “It would be a slam dunk.” Or so they thought. However after heated argument, that proposal was stunningly voted down in Committee 8-5. Some say the vote was meant to to embarrass Benito Mussolini who had just invaded Abyssinia.

Others wanted a monument of Al Jolson on his bended knee singing “Mammy” with a loudspeaker blaring the song 24/7.Luckily that was rejected 4-9.





The Committee sincerely wanted something that had not been done anywhere in the country so the first rendition of the monument depicting Whistler’s Mother was to be called, “the two mothers monument." It was hoped to capture the imagination of all of the 48 states, as well as the district of columbia. However because of a limited budget, this proposal was withdrawn and the Committee went with the traditional Whistler’s only one Mother. I was able to procure a rare photograph of the rejected “two mothers monument" proposal which I am sharing exclusively with the readers of the blog. Here it is:

As a local woman would be selected to depict the virtues of motherhood, women came from both sides of Ashland - the high side and the low side of town- for the modeling audition. It was during the bleak days of the 1930s, and most townswomen were out of work, so you can imagine this auditioning drew a huge crowd of model wanna-bes. The try-outs became a cross between America’s Next Top Model and Star Search.
You cannot imagine how intense the competition got. Some spent the little money they had a cosmetic make-overs. Many other women would practice for the role by sitting quietly for hours, to the delight of many of husbands.

Later the competition got very rough and dirty. In fact, the winner had been attacked by a rival, who struck her in the legs with a coal shovel, requiring the winner to wear the long dress to cover-up the bruises. This physical attack is thought to be the reason the statue does not depict a smiling, happy mother.
Many of the contestants were over 70 and were disqualified because the Committee was interested in a more youthful mother figure, and these older women were discretely informed to apply to the Whistler’s Grandmother Competition which was scheduled to be held in nearby Centralia but later cancelled due to the outbreak of World War II.

Others were disqualified because they were too heavy. This had many of the contestants jogging and running up Center Street trying to shed some pounds before the all important weigh-in, as it had been unanimously decided that the winner would have to resemble the svelte figure in the “Whistler’s Mother” painting. These rejected contestants were discretely given an opportunity to audition for the "Whistler’s Portly Aunt Competition" which was to be scheduled in Shenandoah, but cancelled due to the outbreak of World War II. Apparently Whistler had a gold mine going with his franchise.
The statue was finally unveiled on September 4, 1938 during a gigantic Tupperware Party held in the borough. This celebration has has been held yearly thereafter in honor of mothers throughout the county; with Ashland mothers exchanging left-over chow-chow with the many out-of-town visitors in the new fandangled plastic containers while the men drinking Pepper's Ginger Ale to their hearts content.

another pirate story

Dear Mr. trout:

In your last rant you omitted any mention of pirates “north of the mountain.” Did piracy stop at the south end of the Broad Mountain?
Your loyal follower,
Jim Hawkins

Dear Mr. Hawkins:
You are correct and I apologize. Yes, there once was a nameless, shameless woman that lived on a houseboat, floating on the Girardville Creek; she was one of the biggest pirates of our time; this being the late 1990s and early 2000s. This lady pirate did extensive illegal downloading and file- sharing and was well known within the Napster, Limewire, and Kaaza circuits. The genres she looted included big band, World music (polkas), and folk. The latter category was devoted only to the Pottsville Barbershoppers. Anyone who tried to tell her that the Barbershoppers were not folk singers ended up floating facedown in da crick.
Her MP3 player was loaded with vast array of Dorsey Brothers, Les Brown, Jolly Jack Robel and even Little Andy tunes; every song stolen away, with not one cent of royalty going to the songwriters or musicians. Yes, some nationally known music was illegally downloaded, primarily Captain Beefheart, but she focused on the local music scene, becoming a legend north of the Broad, sharing her ill-gotten music files with hundreds that lived in the Upper Schuylkill Region.
She later started pirating the likeness of celebrities, imprinting cheap tee shirts to be sold at Hometown and Renninger’s Markets. Her luck ran out when she became bold enough to steal the likeness of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. which rattled his children’s family to no end.
Very few people are aware that Dr. King remains one of the wealthiest dead celebrities, following in the ghostly footsteps of Elvis and Marilyn, with his grabby children extracting millions of dollars for the use of the MLK image and words. In fact, the King family had just recently extracted about $800,000 for allowing a statue of Dr. King to be erected in Washington.
Our local pirate lady took on Dexter, Martin III and Bernice King and lost the battle. It was one local pirate versus the more sophisticated, well-heeled pirates. I was told that the Kings even had Dream City, located between Port Carbon and Cumbola, shut down; arguing that the name “Dream” was a copyright infringement. Go to Renninger’s Market or the Hometown Market today and you no longer find any bootleg tee shirts featuring Dr. King.
Despite her defeat, our pirate remains an archetypal figure in Schuylkill County folklore and remains significant in popular local culture where she is known for "stealing from the rich record companies and giving music to our lazy, self indulgent teenagers."
When I was a youngster I had to work countless hours hauling coal ash just to scrape enough money together to purchase the latest Jordan Brothers 45 RPM.
To this day the Schuylkill County Government does not recognize January 15th as Dr. King Day as a holiday, hoping not to offend local supporters of the Girardville Pirate. Quietly, within the courthouse, Captain Beefheart Day is celebrated in its place.

Not to be forgotten, our female pirate was immortalized in Girardville with a controversial statue. The artist took some liberties with her likeness pandering to both the health conscious and the disability crowds. I understand that some purists picketed the statue wanting the original likeness to be restored but they were outvoted in the special referendum that was recently held.

original likeness of

Girardville pirate lady

Postscript: this story was inspired by reading the following story on the King family: Lessons seem to be lost.