health care ideas

I did not let my daughter, Santana, go to school the other day. I did not want her to be subjected to listening to the President tell her that she should study hard and make something of herself. It none of his business what she does with her life. I don’t want my child brainwashed by anyone not affiliated with the music industry or the pop culture. No sir-ee. Instead of school we spent the day bonding together. Instead of getting up early to drive her to the bus stop, we drove to Dunkin Donuts for breakfast, then headed down to the check cashing store on Centre Street before purchasing some smokes across the street. We then headed home to watch the Sam Lasante Show. A much better use of her time than listening to some president talk about personal responsibility. However I was curious about Obama’s health care plan and whether it will cover acute bleenia, or only cover not so cute bleenia. There is a difference you know.

After the hour of watching Sam interview Jerry the car dealer, we packed up and headed to Knoebel’s Grove. Since it was a school day it was not overly crowded, just dozens of other kids being protected from exposure to the president (all Republicans), dozens of nerdy home schoolers (mostly all Republicans), and dozens of truants (mostly Democrats).

I hate to digress, but I did notice that there were an awful lot of acutely obese people at the park, or I should say not so cutely obese people. There is a difference you know. Neither one of us had an answer but the Comet Rollercoaster had a hard time going uphill.

While waiting for a ride, we discussed health plan alternatives. I suggested that airports passengers could get full x-rays - not just their luggage or pocket items. This could be much more cost effective. Santana then cried out, “Papa, this could also be done at the courthouse as well as all other government buildings that require security checks!”
I think we trouts were onto something really big. We stumbled upon a way to put a dent in our multi-trillion dollar deficit! Prostate and foot exams as well as mammograms –even singing mammograms - could be done by the security personnel at every airport and government building! It would require some re-training of the security personnel, but that is what stimulus money is for, isn’t it?
Think of the medical savings accomplished with this simple preventative measure, some people would be getting checked once, twice or three times a day, day in day out. The X-ray machine at the Joe Zerbey International Airport as well as the one at the County Courthouse are turned on 24/7. All of that energy will no longer be going to waste.
I needed to talk to someone with authority…. I did not who to call. Then it dawned on me. I would confide with the Pottsville Surgeon General, who is under a Hippocratic oath not to divulge anything discussed by a patient. My…our…idea is bigger than the both of us and the Surgeon General would keep it a secret for now. By the way, he is neither a surgeon, nor a General but that is besides the point.

I called the Eagles Bar on my blackberry and got a hold of the Surgeon General. A press conference at the Courthouse with the Pottsville TV station carrying live coverage of maybe dental or eye exams being given at the entrance was suggested to demonstrate the cost effectiveness of the proposal. He also suggested that a different exam could be given every day of the week and if you passed five exams in a row, you get free large coffee and tastee cake at the Canteen.
Now that is what I call a non-partisan approach to a compromise on such a controversial topic. All the exams will be done by government employees, yet any treatment would still be done by private doctors.

The public and private sectors working hand-in-hand.

Highs and Lows

I just found out that the Mile High Club is a term applied to individuals who engaged in hanky panky while on board an airplane in flight. I thought it was an actual club, with dues to pay and a membership card to carry. Was I wrong! Mammy and I wanted to become members when we went to the Joe Zerbey International Airport to take the fall foliage tour over the county three years ago. We went on the cheaper flight which also featured dust cropping over the Hegins Valley. When we got off the plane we were so proud that we would become members of such a prestigious group, as we needed to have some club to be mentioned in our obituaries when the time came for that.
But we were flabbergasted that there was no ceremony for us when we alighted from the aircraft. No fan fare whatsoever, just yawns and strange looks. I remember getting a hole in one at Heisler’s golf course and receiving great adulation from the crowd, and everyone hooping and hollering, and me buying milk shakes for everyone. There was none of that getting off the plane; just the stewardess calling for some disinfectant spray. Later in the Joe Zerbey International Airport cocktail lounge, we found out that the Mile High Club is so passé, so utterly '70s. In fact nearly everyone on the fall foliage flight boasted of being members of the club -even those who flew alone.
I did some research and discovered that there is no formally constituted Mile High Club, so membership is in the eye of the beholder. It is not like the Moose, Elks, Masons, Eagles, Hibernians or Illuminati by any means. I know as I am a member of all of the foregoing. I remember joining the Pottsville Moose Lodge decades ago when it was located on South Centre Street. The building is now a bank located across the street from one of Pottsville’s finest parking lots. Yes, I remember the Grand High Exalted Bull Moose Leader blindfolding me and making me walk barefoot on egg shells before I could become a member. Afterwards I was given the official Moose double-breasted jacket and given the official club greeting which was a handshake involving touching elbows (first right, then left). None of that occurred with the Mile High Club. It was a real disappointment. Even when Mammy was initiated as a Vulcanette in the Pottsville Winter Carnival she got a nifty uniform and a button to wear.
Some people attribute the allure of the Mile High Club to the lower atmospheric pressure. Others boast that the vibration of the plane intensifies the experience. Still others the mystique is the thrill of doing something taboo and the risk of being discovered. I think it’s the latter; it is similar to leaving your cell phone turned on (with an obnoxious ringtone waiting to blast some insipid hip hop song) while standing in a county courtroom waiting to have your ARD approved. Or sneaking in line at the bleenie stand.
In any event Mammy and I heard rumors that there was a Mile Low Club at the Pioneer Tunnel in Ashland. So, once again we thought we would give it a try. We paid the nine dollar admission - despite our attempts to get it lowered by flashing our AARP and AAA cards. Again, we faced disappointment. No discounts for us. Once inside Mammy began complaining that the tunnel was too cold and the coal car too bumpy. I complained about all of the cub scouts and brownies that were traveling with us. I ended up giving her my double-breasted Moose jacket that I was wearing, just too keep her warm. When we left the tunnel, we headed to the Ashland High Uppers Park, and like a couple of kids we unfolded the Moose jacket and used it as a picnic blanket, sprawled out, and finished off a six pack of Pepper’s Ginger Ale and ate some ring bologna before heading home.

It was a great day to be alive, club or no club.

this is my 100th blog!