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Schuylkill County

Schedule of Groundhog Day closings and happenings:

Just added: Grover, make his second annual weather prediction at 9 a.m. Saturday at the clubhouse at Sweet Arrow Lake County Park near Pine Grove. Chicken pot pie to be served.

Congressman Holden’s Offices: closed.

St. Clair Fish & Game: open
Representatives Argall, Seip, and Goodman offices: all closed
Baber Cemetery: annual procession featuring Kiltie Bagpipers and buglers: 10 A.M. wreath laid at the burrow of the unknown groundhog.
Public schools: closed.
Parochial schools: closed; essay due on “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck.”
Post offices: modified schedule delivering mail to only even numbered houses.
Jury Commissioner Office: closed indefinitely.
Renninger’s Market: meat vendors will have a special ceremony, 8:00 A.M.
Pottsville City Hall: closed
Soup kitchen: open; limited menu. byob.
Lottery ticket vendors: open
Deer Lake Drive-In: special noon matinee: “Groundhog Day” & "Caddyshack"
Women In Crisis: open.
Senior Centers: six- hour delay unless groundhog sees his shadow, then only two hours.
Pottsville Public Library: closes at 5:00 P.M.
Miners National Bank: closed
Route 61 Massage Parlor: open. 10% discount to all customers named "Phil" or "Chuck."
St. George’s Church, Shenandoah: closed
Social Security Office: closed.

Pottsville Gaming Houses: open 24 hours.
Recyclable collections: modified Hoodie Hoo Day schedule. Only green glass pick-up.
Klingerstown: The community groundhog festival runs from 7 a.m.-9 a.m. and features a carnival, food vendors, games, music, a dunking booth and more. Cancelled.

All barrooms and taverns: close at 2:00 A.M. no exceptions.

The Winter Carnivore Parade

I had a strange dream last night after eating too many halupkies. Luckily I took two Tums and was able to get some undisturbed sleep.....



I have attended many county parades over the past decades but my all time favorite was the Greater Pottsville Area Winter Carnivore Parade. You know - the parade that paid tribute to our meat eating heritage. Yes, on the coldest day in January our county seat celebrated the joys of animal protein.
Why have a parade in January many would ask. Ha! The answer is obvious: most of the carnivore floats were made from meat and meat by-products; the cold weather kept spoilage to a minimum. Think of it as a Tournament of Roses with ham, beef and pork instead of the flowers. In fact our Parade was ten times better than the Pasadena parade since flowers can’t be eaten after the parade. Although January required cheerleaders and majorettes to wear long johns and galoshes, the meat kept from spoiling; that was more important.
The parade featured the area butchers, meat packers and deli clerks, all marching in unison. In addition, many county bands participated, playing all your favorite classic meat music, such as “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” ”Jambalaya,” “I Want to Hold Your Ham,” “Who Stole the Kieshka?” and “I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Wiener.” One memorable moment was back in 1971 when the PAHS Kilties played a bagpipe tribute to “Haggis,” the Scottish national dish of boiled stuffed sheep stomach. Boy, the crowds went wild and the city sold out of haggis within hours that year.
Of course, we cannot forget about all the spectacular floats, designed and paid for by the various restaurants – the Woolworth’s Lunch Counter, The Tap Room, Stop N Go, Joyce’s Café, The Sugar Bowl, The Bus Terminal Restaurant, etc. Numerous churches and civic groups also participated. Almost thirty years ago the Moose Women’s Auxiliary had a clever float with a theme of “Frozen Gizzards, Scrapple and Tripe” which caught the fancy of all the judges. Those Moose women unexpectedly won their first Mayor’s Cup after defeating the heavily favored Yorkville Hose Company’s “Mackerel Breakfast” float. The latter was disqualified when a local monsignor insisted that seafood is not a meat dish. This 1980 victory is remembered as the “Miracle on Ice,” in Winter Carnivore and Pottsville folklore to this day.
We cannot forget the many different ethnic entries that made the judging so difficult. St. John the Baptist Church had a memorable entry with its “Der Wienerschnitzel.” St. Patrick’s Family Center had its float featuring “Boiled Bacon and Cabbage.” Another favorite was Trinity Episcopal’s float entitled, “Beef Wellington” which had the crowd guessing what was in the middle of the float. Of course, it was goose liver. Yes, each float gave a brief lesson in the history of animal protein consumption in the coal region. I still keep some of the pepperonis that were tossed off of the St. Joseph Church’s float as souvenirs of Winter Carnivore.
The Parade was truly a family affair. Having a parade on the coldest day of the year puts a strain on the automobiles and trucks that normally pull floats. As batteries lose half of their strength when the temperature dips to single digits, many vehicles just wouldn’t start up. The Carnivore Committee solved this problem by allowing cub scouts and brownies to pull the floats. It was perfectly safe as long as the children followed the simple rule to refrain from placing their lips and tongues on the exterior of any of the ice-cold metallic vehicles.
While pulling the truck floats the children would sing repeatedly the song “Four and Twenty Blackbirds baked in a Pie.” Mmm, just reminiscing has made my mouth water for some good old-fashioned blackbird pie.
I have never forgotten the Winter Carnivore parade. Have you?

What are you doing Orthodox New Year's Eve?

By the time the clock strikes midnight on January 13th, the fireworks team will have spent the better part of five days atop the Burma Road setting up what's billed as the largest Orthodox New Year's Eve fireworks show in Schuylkill County. The eyes of the county once again focus on the dazzling fireworks, lights and bustling energy of St. Clair (known to agnostics and unbelievers as simply “Clair”). Anticipation runs high as Orthodox New Year’s Eve, in the center of Schuylkill County, where the north of the mountain meets the south of the mountain, is something to experience. It has become more than just a celebration - it's a county tradition. As the famous Orthodox New Year's Eve Onion Bulb descends from the flagpole atop of Walmart, thousands of revelers will be united to watch the departing of the last Orthodox year; expressing joy and hope for the Orthodox year ahead, and preparing for Orthodox Ground Hogs Day which occurs on February 16th on the Julian Calendar.

Whether you'd like to sit down for a four-course supper or dance the night away in an open-bar club, you've got plenty of options this Orthodox New Year's Eve in St. Clair. Here are some of my suggestions for a rollicking Russian time:

All information is subject to change:


♥♥♥♥ Whitey's Bar & Grille. $150 for a table of two, $275 for a table of four. Includes reserved table for the night, herring dinner, bottle of champagne, borscht. cash and prize balloon drop; midnight, Rasputin look-alike contest, champagne toast.

♥♥♥ St. Clair Fish and Game Club. 7 p.m., doors open. Buffet dinner with complimentary turnip beets, beer, wine, martinis, ice luge. Free valet parking. Rub elbows with the Washington crowd. Often compared to Studio 54. Extensive coverage of the Orthodox New Year baby contest.

♥♥♥ Kulich's Oval Bar. $20 in advance, $25 at the door for general admission. Table seating starts at $350. 11-person VIP “Putin on the Ritz” package, $1,300. 8-10 p.m., dinner buffet; midnight, champagne toast, party favors, balloon drop.

♥♥ Old Buckhorn. billiards, ballet, four-course vegetarian/vegan supper with a glass of non-alcoholic champagne, Khrushchev and Yelsin impersonators, Tolstoy readings. Ecclectic.

♥♥ Tommy’s M & S. steaming molotov chili is just the meal to have if you are participating in the Polar Bear Plunge at St. Clair Pool after midnight; also great view of ball drop from window.

♥ DaBar. Vodka and ten dishes of sausage with cheese in this snazzy bomb shelter but lousy view of ball drop of fireworks due to its underground location.

♥♥ Melnick's. best deep-fried chicken this side of Kiev. "Все жарится во фритюре здесь, даже десерты."

♥♥Trolley Car. Wet babushka contest starts at 11:00 PM. Plenty of parking.

Elvis' Birthday

The other night I dreamed that the federal judiciary had declared that all Christmas celebrations, even secular ones, were unconstitutional. To fill the void, people scrambled to come up with new holidays and new customs that would pass the constitutional muster test…..






Monday January 8th : Elvis’ Birthday



"For unto you is born this day in the city of Tupelo a superstar, which is Elvis the King.''

This morning I, as most fathers and some burly mothers, will dress up as Elvis. Yes, since Christmas was abolished, I will don my studded jumpsuit, my sequin scarf, my sunglasses, my black wig, flared pants and cape, just to see the look in the young ones’ eyes. I will swagger into the living room early in the morning to visit the children and give out the presents including the faux rhinestone “taking care of business” pendants. Since I appear as the heavy Elvis of the late ‘70s, I will let the children sit on my lap; but one at a time, as I am just recovering from hernia surgery. After the gifts are given, I'll slip out the door as Mammy yells on her bullhorn, “Elvis has just left the building.” The children will run to the window but it is no use; they can’t see me hiding. They are distracted by the plastic nativity set featuring Vernon, Gladys and baby Elvis that adorns the front lawn.

This is the magic of Elvis’ birthday. It is seen in the eyes of all the kids. They have been brought up to follow his golden rule, “Don’t Be Cruel.” They are good kids.

When I return sans costume, I will give every child in the room a big Elvis teddy bear hug and lead them into the kitchen for a traditional Elvis breakfast. Yes, every one will get six large eggs cooked in butter with extra salt, 1 lb of bacon, half a pound of sausages, and 12 buttermilk biscuits.
In about an hour when we have finished the meal, I'll divvy out the Tums, load up the pink Cadillac that I rented from Watcher’s on West Market Street and head downtown to the Majestic Theatre for the annual Elvis show. This year we'll listen to carolers sing some of his greatest hits and we will watch “Harem Scarem.” Someone told me that it was recommended by General George Joulwan as one of the best. I am not sure of that; I would have guessed he’d prefer G.I. Blues.

After the film, we will stop for a late lunch at Phase II and then head back home but first stopping at the Market Street Deli for lottery tickets.
When we arrive home, the kids will play with the Elvis miniature village. Every year I add something to the village. This year it is figurines of Sun Studio buddy, Jerry Lee Lewis, his girlfriend, Linda Thompson, and his physician, George Nichopoulos. I think that Dr. Nick is more popular than the plastic Michael Jackson figurine that I purchased last year. You know, he was Elvis’ son-in-law for a time, along with Nicholas Cage and, I think, Captain Lou Albino.
Next year I am adding Mohammed Ali’s Deer Lake Training Camp. Elvis used to stop there now and then on his way to Cruise Night.

The Trouts wish all of you a happy and safe holiday; try and enjoy the birth of Elvis as it was meant to be - a day when family, friends, and loved-ones spend time together laughing, eating, singing along with the old rock classics, eating some more, making memories that will last a life time, and still eating some more, and then some drinking. Did I forget the prescribed pills? Let’s not forget those. All legal you know. And then more eating. That’s the true meaning of the season and it is all constitutionally protected.

Remember Elvis’ words: “man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter and bananas.” Have a great Elvis' Birthday.



I then woke up.

Happy New Year!

"Nos have a novus annus infantia!" *


Yes, black smoke once again was seen billowing up from from the little pizza oven at the Pottsville Hospital. No, it did not mean that the pizza was burning. Not even the extra cheese or pepperoni. No; it signified to the faithful gathered in the parking lot for almost ten hours that the county was once again blessed with a new year baby. Fumata nera!! For the complete story go to the Pottsville Republican
The trout family extends congradulations to those who won a little on the yearly wagering. Make sure to properly report any winnings on your tax returns next year, not this year. Ditto for losses.
For those interested in obtaining a polar bear plunge gift certificate which makes a lovely present for a loved one, read the complete story by clicking on this link Pottsville Republican

Better yet go down to Brok-Sel's or Frankie's Smoke Shop and pick up a newspaper for two bits. The new year baby edition is always a collector's item.

Remember the rules for 2009 contest which starts approximately April 1st. Pick up entry forms at any local skate board store, middle school admissions office, the Roller Roost or many other establishments.

*Translated from latin: "We have a new year baby!" Not to be confused with pig latin's "eway avehay away ewnay earyay abybay."

Photograph seen above courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/tinfoilraccoon/