Schuylkill County History (chapter One)

The true but condensed history of Schuylkill County

Chapter One : The legend of Necho Allen

Prior to settlement by early pioneers, the area we now know as Schuylkill County, was indeed one vast wilderness. More wooly and wild than even Shenandoah today. Native Americans (or "Indians" as they were referred to prior to the Hindu Temple being built in South Manheim Township) ruled the southern area. These original inhabitants had not yet gone into the casino business and used the area primarily for hunting and fishing.
The first German settlers made camp in the southern part of the county and kept a watchful eye on these Delaware and Nanicoke Indians who were allies of the French during the French and Indian War (now the French and Native American War).
Luckily for us the British won the war or else we would all being be eating crepes, Roquefort cheese, fondue, and our women would not be shaving their legs.
Soon after beating the French and Native Americans, Pennsylvanians soured on the British and independence was fought for and won. The area we now know as Schuylkill was then a part of Berks County. After the colonies won the war, resentment began to build as the early Pennsylvania German settlers wanted nothing to do with the Pagoda, the Berks shogun warriors and the imperial city of Reading. They wanted to eat their shnitzels and sauerkraut with forks and knives and not chop sticks. It seemed as if civil war would break out but luckily cool heads prevailed and Schuylkill County (the southern part only) was born in 1811. The northern part was still uninhabited and yet to be discovered. Necho Allen would be the first to explore this area.
And independence came just in the nick of time. Necho Allen discovered coal in the county when he camped out on the Broad Mountain.
The story of Necho Allen is fascinating. While never reaching the fame that his siblings, Frodo, Chico and Charo achieved, Necho, in comfortable middle age, led a group of dwarves and hobbits on a quest to reclaim the Broad Mountain and its treasure from the dragon Smaug. Along the way Necho encountered frantastic creatures, including trolls, elves, and goblins. Today, some of the descendants of these creatures are still visible at Renninger’s Market.
While at the base of the Broad Mountain after an exhausting day of picking huckleberries, Necho built a fire and began to toast some stale marshmallows. This would be the first reported toasting of marshmallows in the New World. He was awakened by a great heat and light and stayed up all night trying to figure out what was going on. He thought that he may be a new Moses. This was the same night that Necho Allen created S’mores by placing a toasted marshmallow on a slice of chocolate which was placed between two graham crackers.
Necho Allen never made one single halfpence from his two discoveries. After realizing that his campfire was built on a outcrop of anthracite coal and the fire could not be put out, he quickly left the area for the Green Mountains of Vermont lest he face arrest for attempting to cause a catastrophe.
Back in Vermont he tried his hand in the confectionary candy business creating the Necho Wafer which brought him some financial security. He also penned some long forgotten songs, but had one hit “Baby, It’s Coal Outside” which is played every December in the tap room that bears his name.
The death of Necho Allen remains a mystery. Legend has it that he died accidentally while waterskiing on Lake Champlain. No one knows for sure.
His discovery of both anthracite coal and S’mores would soon fall into the hands of the cunning and crafty Stephen Girard, who would soon become the richest man in the universe. Girard would soon clean his S’mores-covered fingers with the finest linen napkins made by the women who worked in the Pottsville Full Tilt Silk Mills and throw them away in his coal stove.

- end of chapter one - quote the Raven "Never S'more."

Allentown's plans for St. George's

I have been watching the demolition of the historic St. George’s Church in Shenandoah for some time now. People have been coming up to me asking, “what are the plans for the site once the church is finally down.” I casually reply “Who do you think I am? Mr.know-it-all?”
They get the message,walk away and leave me alone.
Curiosity finally got the better of me and I headed over to the Allentown where I would meet the person in charge of the demolition. I needed a real answer to give the people who depended on me to clear things up for them, rather than give them some koan to ponder. I arranged a luncheon at the Patio Restaurant in the basement of Hess Brothers Department Store. The mystery would soon be solved.

I took the escalator down to the basement of the store, flashed my blog pass to the store detective and soon was introduced to an elderly cleric wearing an oversized biretta on his head. He had a thick Irish brogue. The picture above was taken by the surveillance Polaroid camera. He was accompanied by two large swiss guards who stood behind him while we dined on hamburgers and drank cherry cokes. The guards ate cheese and drank hot chocolate if you are wondering, keeping a watchful eye on me all the while.
Our conversation went something like this:
“Top of the morning to you. We in Allentown are heartbroken over the animosity that arose over our decision to bring down an old building that was on the verge of collapse. Did you know that the building was over one hundred years old. In dog years that would be about seven hundred years old. If you had a dog 700 years old you would have shot it by now. Yes, we are aware that buildings in Europe stand proudly of upwards of a thousand years and are carefully preserved. But remember, that’s Europe and this is America. In major American cities sports stadiums are considered old and are demolished every twenty years or so and no one bats an eyelash. We just don’t know what all the fuss is about. If the ‘76ers were playing at St. George’s, everyone would be hollering to knock it down. I’ll ask the waitress to bring over a bottle of ketchup.”
“Fadda' What about the cultural heritage that is being lost forever? Ask for mustard while you are at it.”
“Yes, we are aware that it was the oldest Lithuanian Church in the United States, but now some other church will get to claim the title. Don’t you think everyone should get a turn? Remember when Vanessa Williams was stripped of the Miss America title, and she was quickly replaced. Life will go on my son. Please pass me the salt.”
“But Fadda' people are upset that the blood, sweat and tears of the ancestral coal miners who built the church will be forgotten. Fadda' do you want the pepper also?”
I then passed him the salt and pepper shakers.
“My son, we are very sensitive to this. A beautiful memorial will be placed on the location, dependent of course, on enough funds being raised to cover the costs. Last year the Appeal Fund only raised $4.59 plus three Damato Post pool tokens from the disgruntled parishioners. They have to be a little more loose with the purse if they want this memorial. Once the church is completely down, the sacred artifacts hauled away, and the dust settles (no pun intended) we in Allentown have a plan for the site. First we schedule a polka dance on the site to flatten the ground, secondly several truckloads of fresh coal dirt will be spread down and baked on top, followed by still another polka dance to make sure the ground has settled. Then the monument will be erected in the center with a magnificent fence of sheet metal purchased locally from Boley’s Irons Works to surround the entire parking lot....er...I mean...piazza. By purchasing all the metal from Boley’s Iron Works we will be stimulating the local economy rather than outsourcing. The lot...er....piazza... will assist in aleviating the parking problem during the Christmas and Easter holidays when everyone goes to the Kielbassi Shop. Do they still serve those big ice cream sundaes and strawberry pies here?”
At that point he unraveled the blue prints and I saw the proposed memorial marker with my own eyes. Why it was magnificent. Take a look for yourself.