All Hail the Orthodox New Year Baby!
January 13th is New Year's Eve in St. Clair and its bedroom community of Arnot's Addition. S Novym Godom!
My predictions for the Orthodox new year 2013 are as follows:
Nativity High School will begin closed door negotiations with the Pottsville Housing Authority and Barefield Development to transform the building into a high-end, no-income condominium complex geared to ambitionless youth population. A snag in the negotiations arises over the proposed replacement of the large illuminated cross with a giant illuminated number "8." The number, of course, is to honor the housing program that has made the city what it is today.
The Winter Carnival pageant will be marred by a wardrobe malfunction when the Carnival's beloved mascot, Pottsie Ottsie, accidentally exposes a snow ball.
Pottsville will conduct a major "quality of life" criminal sweep handing out dozens of tickets in April to the out-of- shape men walking shirtless along Centre Street when the temperature hits 60.
Pottsville School District will have difficulty selecting a football coach causing the school to replace football with hacky-sack. Attendance will surge.
Yuengling Dairy will not receive a "quality of life" ticket from the Code Enforcement Officer who is determined to fight blight.
The Mother's Memorial in Ashland will suffer from a severe case of hemorrhoids.
Schuylkill Allied Artists will feature tattoos for the first time. Attendance will surge.
Liposuction will cease to be offered at the Pottsville American Way May Fair after the Republican-Herald reporters expose the hidden fact that the removed fat is used at the near-by funnel cake stand as cooking grease. Another Pulitzer prize is not far away.
The Pottsville Club will announce that shirts and shoes are no longer required for dining. Membership will surge.
Twenty will be injured during the Orwigsburg Bicentennial's rake-fighting competition. This is the most injured since the Orwigsburg Centennial celebration in 1913.
Leiby's Dairy in Tamaqua will unveil a new ice cream named "Cherry Knowles." Production will soar, surpassing the output of its best selling Red Beets ice cream.
This year's winning spelling bee word will contain the letter "e."
