Forest Hills

Forest Hills was created in the early 1960s when Pottsville wanted more room for the expansion of public housing and to recreate itself. A relocation and movement of the city’s middle class was determined as the best way to accomplish this goal. This resettlement program, freeing the center city of the middle class, is referred to in the city’s history as 'the Trail of Tears'. It was also during this period that Penn State Schuylkill was told to leave the city.
This project did not occur without a hitch as Forest Hills is cut off from the rest of the city by the borough of Mount Carbon. You see, Forest Hills is not joined to the rest of Pottsville; its sort of like Alaska. Alaska is cut off by Canada for those of you geographically illiterate.
Study a map of the area carefully (Schuylkill County, not Alaska); use a microscope if necessary. A tiny independent governmental entity named “Mount Carbon” actually exists and splits Pottsville into two. I swear to this upon my grandmother’s grave.

Mount Carbon has often been referred to as the Lichtenstein of Schuylkill County, in that it is a small, mountainous tax haven, having more businesses than residents. It is sometimes affectionately called “Tiny Town.”
The population of Mount Carbon is difficult to determine as some statistics include patrons of the local taverns who stay too long, those buried in the cemeteries, and the lobsters in the seafood store.

The road from Pottsville Proper to Forest Hills traverses Mount Carbon and this ticked off Mount Carbonites, who were envious of the tax base, creating a crisis. It appears that Pottsville, Mount Carbon and North Manheim Township all claimed parts of the settled territory.
Forest Hills was to be a middle-class residential oasis, devoid of any commercial buildings or eating establishments. Yep, no soup kitchens, no tattoo parlors, no nothing. Zippo. Therefore, the residents were dependent on Mount Carbon for pizza, hoagies, chips, seafood, and beer.
Mount Carbon began to build a wall around Forest Hills and also started a blockade. In response, city officials organized a helicopter mission to carry the daily necessities of life as mentioned to the citizens of Forest Hills. Likewise, Forest Hillites dug tunnels to get to Goodfella’s and Julian’s taverns and bring back snack foods as well as companionship. Some of the tunnels are still visible today.
The effort was clearly succeeding and by April of the following year the Mount Carbon officials capitulated when Mayor Stephenson gave his stirring “tear down this wall” speech and the isolation of Mount Carbon ended. Soon travel between Forest Hills and the rest of the world resumed once again.
A peace treaty was soon signed between Tiny Town, the Township and Pottsville which allowed one privately owned road to be maintained through Mount Carbon without the borough having to pay one red cent for any expenses. North Manheim Township was given control over much of the more ritzy section of Forest Hills.

The Tiny Town treasurer emptied the paper bag which contained all of the borough’s revenue onto the table, totaling $335.27 cash, three “free glass of beer” tokens from Goodfellas, two 10% discount coupons from Adelphia’s, and two Winter Carnival buttons. All of this revenue was already was earmarked for other borough projects. There was nothing left for road repairs.
Eighteen people joined hands in one human chain that stretched from one end of the borough to the other, raising nearly $42.50 towards a fund to maintain the road. This was called “Hands Across Mount Carbon” and was filmed and put to music. Alas, the money raised was not enough.
Luckily, there is discussion of the City of Pottsville pledging city tax dollars to perpetually maintain the private road through Mount Carbon as a form of restitution to those middle class residents forced to leave the city during the Trail of Tears period.
I am not sure who pays for the road maintenance of the ritzy section in North Manheim Township. I probably would guess Pottsville.

UFO over Pottsville

The Republican Herald on April 29th featured this story on the UFO sighting in Pottsville
Officials: Object not UFO; but what was it?
It was disappointing; it was part of the continuing cover-up of extra-terrestrial visits.

However, here is proof that aliens have made contact with Schuylkill County! Please study the above photograph carefully. Ignore the photograph to the right.

This is not some paper lantern released by some drama or glee club. Notice a saucer-shaped object above the Schuylkill County Courthouse. If you magnify the photograph you will faintly make out several courthouse employees having a tobacco break.

Proof that the photo is authentic!

The person who captured this photograph, referred to only as Mammy T. (she desires to keep her identity confidential) sat for an exclusive interview.

Q. Mammy T, where were you when this photograph was taken?
A. I was bird watching on Lawton’s Hill, looking for a downy woodpecker, when my binoculars nearly got knocked out of my hands by the gigantic intergalactic flying object.

Q. How long was it visible?
A. For about three minutes about 100 feet above me, it just wobbled and floated in air. The same amount of time it takes for the traffic light to turn green if you are waiting at the corner by the Necho Allen, trying to turn left onto Centre Street. It was during that time frame that I snapped the now famous photograph.

Q. What was your first reaction?
A. I was scared… the thing was bigger than a house. I remembered what I was taught in grade school, if ever I was involved in an extraterrestrial encounter…. I stopped, dropped and rolled.

Q. Did you get any other photographs?
A. No, I could have but I needed to text a take-out order from Charlie’s Sub Shop. By the time I finished texting the saucer had disappeared.

Q. Where did it go?
A. I donna know. I was too busy texting in my hoagie order, trying to spell out the word mayonnaise…boy, is that hard to spell... especially after stopping, dropping and rolling….I should have just used the abbreviation mayo.

Q. Did you talk to anyone about what you had just witnessed?
A. The people at the shop. They thought I was a kook. So I paid for my hoagies and quickly left. After that I just clammed up and kept this to myself until now. I was scared for me and my family. The government does not want this information out.

Q. Do you have any opinion as to why the spacecraft selected Pottsville?
A. Yes. I have several differing theories. One is that the area may appear to them to be a black hole. Take a look at the parking lot at Market and Second Street. Say that doesn’t look like a black hole? Two has to with the pending Intermodal being erected near Mootz’s Candy Store. Boy, do I love their peanut rolls... Aliens may believe that the Intermodal is some sort of welcome mat. My last theory is the one I am leaning towards. The American Way, or May Fair, is somehow a part of a planned alien invasion that has already been undertaken. Did you hear that famed British scientist Screamin’ Jay Hawkins has warned us that we must avoid aliens at all cost as they are dangerous? That is why I avoid the moon walk at the fair.

Q. Why the May Fair?
A. It is possible that the people at the May Fair were being harvested and fattened as a food supply for the aliens. On the other hand, the extra-terrestrials may actually enjoy the festival, mingling with the revelers, blending in with the crowd. Time will tell, but don't let your guard down. Trust no one.

Q. Have you have any alien encounters since?
A. Since that day, I had one brief telepathic communication with the aliens.

Q. What was the message communicated to you?
A. I was told how to spell the word mayonnaise. It is a word I will never forget. Two n's.