GARFIELD SQUARE, POTTSVILLE OCTOBER 2023

TOP TEN REASONS WE LOVE OUR ELECTRIC BILLBOARD ON GARFIELD SQUARE 

So its in violation of the city zoning code, we love it anyway:

1. It is a cheerful distraction from all the collapsing buildings on Market Street 

2. It is a cheerful distraction from those slow-moving pedestrians crossing the street. 

3. War memorials are so depressing without the commercials that light up. 

4. It puts the f-u-n back into the adjoining funeral home. Why don’t all funeral homes have electric billboards that the one in front of Schlitzer-Allen-Pugh? 

5. It brightens up those broken sidewalks. 

6. How else can one find who is selling pot pie or city chicken ? 

 7. Garfield Square is back in action! We had nothing to look at ever since the cartoon characters were exiled. 

8. It is the first step in turning the drab square into a mini-Times Square. Now all we need are the hookers. 

9. Its nearly 160 years since the Civil War ended, isn’t time to stop honoring those old
soldiers.

 10. It’s a cheerful distraction from the funny looking statue of a lady high atop a pedestal (or a statue which identifies as a lady)

A- statue of lady or a statue identifying as a lady holding a ring 
B- The electronic billboard
C - Electric vehicle getting charged at the charging station

Garfield Square Goes Electric

 I was checking my bucket list and discovered that I had overlooked visiting the soldiers memorial at Garfield Square in Pottsville.  "My bucket has a hole in it."  Hank Williams put those words to music.  These are the words I live by.  

I drove down Market Street and as I approached Garfield Square I felt like General Eisenhower touring Germany after the war ended.  I felt patriotic.  

I parked my car at the Square and put several quarters in the meter as I have trouble using the app on my flip phone.  I strolled over to the monument and gazed at the impressive Lady Liberty standing high above the statues of soldiers and sailors.  There are even civil war cannons on the Square. It was dedicated in 1891 and still impressive today.   

My visit was interrupted by the large electronic billboard that sits onto of a truck near the funeral home that once was a church.  While I was there it lit up with messages such as "Scream Fest III" and "Clam Chowder Night at the Hosey"  and telling me where to go for the best bleenies.   I thought it was unusual for a funeral home  to have a sign like that out in front but I guess the funeral industry has to change with the times. Its about time they put the f-u-n back into funerals.  It's not their sign but I guess they don't mind.  Thinking about where to get the best bleenies, is a definite grief-buster.   

 RV at the Square charging station 

My curiosity got me to walk over to that truck and peer inside. I expected to see some little man inside working the electronics, but it was empty.  I followed the extension cord that ran from the truck to one of the city's  electronic charging stations.  I now know where to juice up the Tesla I will buy if I win the Mega Millions.  If you are in need of charging your electronic car or scooter, stop by Garfield Square!  Better yet, park your or your relative's RV at the Square and use the nifty charging station for power. Just bring plenty of quarters for the meter.

I thought it was odd that there was a flashing electronic billboard in the Square as the Square is a residential area.  Advertising signs are prohibited under the City Code in residential neighborhoods.  

I sat down in the gutter and read the Code further.  I got to Section 194-5 and it reads "No person shall erect or maintain, upon any street, sidewalk, curb or gutter in front of or along any dwelling house, store or other building or premises, any signboard, bulletin board or any obstruction of any type whatsoever which will interfere with the complete and full use, at all times, for the public of any street, sidewalk, curb or gutter."

How could this advertising sign exist in the area dedicated to the war dead, in a residential neighborhood and in front of a funeral home?  To me, this was in violation of the city code in a city that prides itself on code enforcement and improving the quality of life for its residents.  

Yes, Pottsville is noted for its strict code enforcement.  It recently shut down the Blackrock microbrewery that operated out of the old YWCA for code violations.  When the code enforcement officials swooped into action, the quality of life of every single resident bumped up (some say from even  mediocre to ho-hum),  Maybe the officials will soon get the old furnishings and rubbish  laying out for months on the 1900 block of Howard Avenue cleaned up.   Who knows?

The best photo of the Square that
I could take with my Brownie Starmite Box Camera. during a Canadian smoke-filled day....the monument is at the right. The sign is now a permanent part of the Square. 

Was it just me that saw the blatant code violation on the Square? Maybe I have a sixth sense like Bruce Willis in that old movie.. Maybe "I see code violations."  

Big Boy 

Maybe I need to get with the times.  Maybe the Square needs more electronic and colorful signs.  Maybe the old Garfield Diner could become a "Big Boys" fast-food restaurant? Lady Liberty could be replaced with a statue of the restaurant's trademarked chubby boy with a pompadour hairstyle wearing red-and-white checkered overalls holding a sandwich.  It would be an improvement for the visually impaired and the hungry.  

Je suis Charlie!

 

   "Je suis pizza de Charlie"(photo courtesy of Republican Herald)

After the recent attack in Paris I was told by my friend (I only have one), that I should go into hiding as satirists are under grave danger.  I considered that wise.  I plan to stay at the Schuylkill Mall in Frackville. 

Why should be go into hiding at the Mall? No one will find me there. Its my fortress of solitude when I want to be alone.

 In the past I had spoken to groups at the county’s French communities of Tré Mont, Mont Laffé, de Turks Ville, Grier Cité, Ravine, Marie Dé, and, Lac de Beury. They were not large groups and most of them did not comprehend my french. The largest group I ever appeared before was a group at the fry stand in Renninger’s Market. The fryer broke and I was able to talk for fifteen minutes to the hungry but hostile crowd.Whether they understood my french will never be known. My topic concerned frog legs. An important french topic.
So I have a connection with the French. Sort of. Learned the tongue at Nativity High School's "Language Lab" decades ago. Dois-je en dire plus?

After the Paris attack, I was told that I needed to cool it on the blog -  Especially with my articles on the cartoon characters that used to grace Garfield Square in Pottsville.  I was told that some people are offended by cartoons, to the point that they want to do bodily harm to those who depict certain characters in cartoon form.  

                     I can understand that and I feel their pain.  But with some good mental health therapy it gets better. Believe me.Cartoons, satire and parody never justify violence.

Little Lotta was depicted on Garfield Square at Christmas time about twenty years ago. I helped put her up. Apparently it was put there without being sensitive to the large overweight community of the county.  Despite my apology I was banned from many all-you-can eat church breakfasts for life.  

Broom Hilda was featured another year and it offended our growing Wiccan population.  Again I apologized but I am banned from the St. Clair Halloween Parade for life. Lastly, Mickey Mouse was depicted and it was called into question as being an offense to our state appellate judiciary. I apologized but was sentenced to house arrest for 30 days.  Quelle humiliation!

Do you know what it is like being in the house with Mammy for 30 days?? “Zut alors!”

 However in every instance I took my medicine (valium , if you really want to know) and learned my lesson.  

I vowed that there will never be a cartoon character on Garfield Square ever again.  And there never has been anymore. 

The New York Times and the Washington Post were hailed for releasing information leaked by Daniel Elsburg and Eric Snowden in the past. Supposedly they published top secret information.  Yet those papers and the other major media outlets, including the Republican Herald, now refuse to print or display the French magazine cover that resulted in the massacre of many innocent in Paris.  It is sort of a double standard. However the press and media are scared sh*tless and rightfully so.  Yet they weren’t so scared to display over the years photographs that were offensive to Christians, Jews or Buddhists.   

But everyone knows why they are so scared now. Even Fox TV is running scared.They will adopt self-censorship to appease fundamental islamists. No sense getting butchered by followers of the religion of peace, but until we stand up for our values and stop the fear-driven self-censorship, there will be no end to the butchering.  Every newspaper and media should proudly display a copy of Charlie.

       

   Above is a photo of the offensive magazine cover. Now I must go hide out at the Schuylkill Mall. No one will find me there. I will be all alone.   Take a look at many of the "offensive covers" on the link below:                                                           

                                        

                            

 Charlie Hebdo Magazine Cover Slideshow

The Pottsville Summit

                                       POTTSVILLE SUMMIT SCHEDULED FOR MID-JULY

A summit meeting is defined as a meeting of leaders, usually with considerable media exposure, tight security and a prepared agenda.

Pottsville City officials will sit down with the leaders of the street people, loafers, and deadbeats as well as the leaders of the pipe-dreaming, goody two-shoes who want to bring back the city of years ago.  In the late 1950s a family could enjoy the entire day on West Market Street. Mom could take the kids to Raudenbush’s for some delicious sticky buns while dad could throw the medicine ball at the YMCA, take a Turkish steam bath and then go out and play the numbers at a nearby establishment.  Later the family could sit down together at the Sugar Bowl and enjoy a wholesome well-balanced meal followed by CMP sundaes.  They could then leave, once again play the numbers, and then motor home in an East Penn bus.

It seems that West Market Street has undergone a dramatic demographic change in recent years.  Sociologists attribute this to the removal of the cartoon characters that once were erected on Garfield Square, as well as the lack of sticky buns in the area. 

Why the cartoon characters? Well the answer is two-fold.  The first fold is that these cartoon characters attracted families from near and far.  Middle-class families got a sense of calm and peace just to see bigger-than- life, cuddly cartoon characters such as Droopy , Nancy & Sluggo, Alley Oop and Snuffy Smith.   The second fold is that the criminal element was kept at bay by such authoritative cut-outs such as Dick Tracy, Joe Palooka, Dudley Do-Right, and Mighty Mouse. 

 

All of these cartoon characters, by the way, were meticulously hand-painted by members of the Schuylkill Allied Artists with paint purchased locally at Mansell's Paint Store.  Little Lulu took three years to complete and used over fifteen gallons of red paint.

Copyright infringement litigation eventually led to the demise of the cartoon character replicas gracing the Square.  The family of Snuffy Smith agreed to a seven figure settlement which emptied the city coffers.  Many of the city residents, now distraught over the loss of the cartoons, began to dress up as Far Side characters; a tradition that continues to this day.

Soon the area became a mecca for frisky young teens who wanted to beget children and live the American dream –that is, to be housed, fed, given medical insurance and clothed at taxpayers’ expense without ever having to lift a finger.  

But today there are disagreements between the old guard and the newcomers.  The city officials will try and iron out the differences at the much bally-hooed Market Street Summit in mid-July.  

Some say that the long-overdue Summit is being called in order to stem the cry from the west end to restore Yorkville Independence.  It would be a borough without the baggage, by being free of the publicly subsidized housing that is so prevalent in the city- a city that has its goal of having more publicly subsidized housing by 2030 than its sister city of Pyongyang, North Korea.  Others say that the city has already passed Pyongyang in subsidized housing.

Several years ago some concessions were made to the street people when Tony’s Produce Market was leveled due to the complaints that the sale of fresh fruit and vegetables was culturally abhorrent and disrespectful to the new residents in the city. 

The natives are still restless and the summit seemed to be the only sensible solution.

Each side has their demands. One the one side: The Library must become more bed-bug friendly; No parades to be held before noon as not to disturb the residents’ sleeping; free day care from 8 PM until one hour after the bars close; iodized bath salts.  The goody-two shoes, on the other hand  want the return of the Easter Parade; gentlemen to walk on the roadside of the sidewalk; a Mayor’s Dance to be held during the summer on the large asphalt lot at Second and Market; thank you notes to be written when receiving a hand-out; clothes (including pajamas) should not be two sizes too small for pedestrians walking on Market Street.

At this moment, it appears that the only thing agreeable to all sides is that sticky buns sales should resume on West Market Street as quickly as possible.

 

 

Christmas time memories of Garfield Square

Does anyone else get upset besides me when they drive through Pottsville’s Garfield Square during the “holiday season”? I miss those intricate cartoon characters that used to grace the Square and gave the midtown some holiday cheer. I remember all of them and the location that each was placed.
If you don't remember the glory days of the Square, then I will refresh your memory. Each cartoon character was sculpted from the best quality mahogany, walnut, cedar, cherry and maple; all brought in by Canal boat to the wharf behind Goodfella’s in Mount Carbon and then carefully unloaded and transported to Yorkville for the talented craftsmen to meticulously work their wonder and create such life-like reproductions of Mickey Mouse, Charlie Brown, Snuffy Smith, Steve Canyon, Dick Tracy, Beavis, Brenda Starr, Sgt. Snorkel, the Phantom and so many other whimsical cartoon characters.
Yes, each character was completely hand-carved by skilled Yorkville artists with exacting detail in the sanding, finishing and painting to assure excellence and beauty. Garfield Square at Christmas time was the place to be, believe me.
This cartoon woodcrafting goes back many generations as Yorkville was settled by German immigrants with skills honed in painstaking family traditions and heritage. During the long northeast Pennsylvania winters, these settlers would interrupt their boredom by carving the likeness of cartoon characters that they had heard after arriving in the new world. Thus began what has been called "the Yorkville Renaissance Period." Over a period of time the people in Yorkville began specializing in all aspects of cartoon character reproductions, giving employment to a multitude of carvers, carpenters, and painters.
I remember being an apprentice carver for one whole year, devoting myself to assisting a master craftsman create an astonishing life-like Nancy and Sluggo from the deep-orange Brazilian Rosewood brought up from Sao Paulo. Each piece was hand-painted with greatest of hand and eye coordination, using the finest latex paint from Hadesty’s and Mansell’s, that allowed the wood grain to show through, taking the art of cartoon carving to whole new level.
The exact year that the first cartoon character was carved in the city remains unknown. However, Benjamin Pott, the son of the city’s founder, presented a primitive, hand-carved likeness of one of The Katzenjammer Kids to the borough officials for display during one of the earliest Cruise Night celebrations. Yes, during the late 19th century, the cruise consisted of souped-up wagons and carriages that traveled up and down Centre Street. This Benjamin Pott artifact of white pine is now on display at the Schuylkill Visitors Bureau until January 6th.
From then on, the pieces of cartoon folk art were built to heirloom quality and with proper care, lasting for years to entertain generation after generation, each telling a story that could be shared – whether it was the story of Lil Abner or Beetle Bailey or Little Orphan Annie.

The Square in late December created a magical space where Pottsvillians spent time together, away from the hussle and bussle of the numerous gin joints, speakeasies and gambling halls that doted the city landscape. Just walking around the several blocks was a way to draw deeper meaning into the holidays of Christmas, Chanukah, and Kwanza, all of which are still celebrated to excess by the Trout family to this very day.
In the latter part of the 20th century a movement to “clean up Garfield Square” took hold with its goal to rid the Square of the cartoon characters. Some so-called do-gooders believed that figures were graven images that were leading the population into idolatry. The movement won out and all of the priceless cartoon characters were banished to Port Carbon (a popular location for banishment, even to this day). The cartoon figurines were given a new home but not for long. In 2006 a particularly nasty flood put much of Port Carbon under water, washing away these treasured heirlooms down the Schuylkill River; all lost forever.

Merry Christmas.....

The summer of 2004: Golden Gloves and Dick Chaney

Back in the summer of 2004 the vice president came to Pottsville and there was an outdoor boxing exhibition on North Centre Street, and of course, Market Street was being resurfaced once again. It was also the year of the Bush-Kerry election.

I will tell you, whether or not you care, what I did on my summer vacation. I spent it in Pottsville. For the most part, I watched Market Street being resurfaced. However, in mid-August, after Cruise Night, the current Mrs. Trout and I were able to get ringside seats at the “Brawl at City Hall.” At first, we thought it involved a good old- fashioned scuffle over the City-Comcast contract renewal, with chairs flying in the air by the citizenry demanding their favorite channels be added. However, we were pleasantly surprised to see actual amateur Golden Gloves fight on North Centre Street. That was the night we ran into Mammy standing by the Peter J.McCloskey Post Office, holding a large ball of yarn in one hand and knitting needles in the other. She looked like a haggard Madame Defarge from Dickens’ Tale of Two Cities. Apparently she had the event confused and believed a quilting bee was to be held.
“I thought it was the shawl at City Hall,” she muttered.
While over a thousand people were in attendance, many holding large balls of yarn, the main attraction was the Jonathan Murphy fight just before midnight. He’s the young fighter from Minersville. By the time that fight started, Mammy had dropped her yarn, and forgot about the Comcast contract renewal. She was standing on her seat yelling, screaming and waving her flabby arms.
“Come on boys, we paid good money to see a fight, let’s get ready to rumble…”

By the stroke of midnight she transformed herself into a Mickey Goldmill from the Rocky film – you know that Burgess Meredith character - except for her blue-rinsed hair and panty hose.
“Go for the ribs! Don’t let that bastard breathe!”

While at the fight, word got out that “Chaney was coming to Pottsville.” Mammy was a movie fan and she swore up and down that it had to be Lon Chaney, Jr. trying to raise funds for the restoration of her beloved Majestic Theatre. You know, the abandoned Farmer’s Market next to the Coney. Mammy prays every night that she will live long enough to be able to watch some of the classics when it reopens.

After the fight, we all headed over to the Historical Society, as a late night discussion was being held on the history of traffic patterns on Centre Street. We skipped the discussion and found the list of famous people who had visited the City. It was alphabetical, beginning with the Swedish group, Abba and ending with Zeppo Marx. To my astonishment, Henry Clay never came to the City, despite the humungous statue that sits high above Centre Street’s vertical park. When I asked why, the curator informed me that one of my ancestors, Caiphus E. Trout, had organized “Canal Boat Veterans for Truth” during the election of 1844. Apparently, this group of disgruntled canal boat crewmates exposed Clay to be a braggart, whose claim of inventing the game of poker did not hold up to scrutiny. This uproar cost Clay the election and he refused to come to Schuylkill County. After James Polk won the election he commenced what some called an imperialist land grab under the pretext of Mexico having weapons of mass destruction. Alas, the only things found south of the border were some stale burritos and salsa sauce. But such is politics. When the war was over, the United States got California and Pottsville got the Clay statue. Ironically, if you look closely at the statue, you will notice an uncanny resemblance to Caiphus E. Trout holding a ball of yarn.
I was bewildered to discover that the first sitting president to come to Pottsville was Harry S. Truman in 1948. Why he did not stand up puzzles historians to this day. The one guy with the bad back, who should have been sitting, was Senator Jack Kennedy. He stood tall in Garfield Square in 1960 and gave his famed, “Ich bein ein Pottsviller” speech to a massive crowd trying to get into the diner for glazed donuts. Many forget that the less glamorous vice president Nixon was in the square the same year declaring, “I am not a crook” to a puzzled audience, not used to such declarations from their politicians. Mayor Mike Close promised to name a swimming pool after the presidential candidate who drew the larger audience in 1960 and that was Kennedy, of course. The rest is history, and that’s no ball of yarn. So that is how I spent my summer vacation. Pathetic, wasn’t it?

The General's Top Ten

In 1997 the then Mayor of Pottsville circulated a petition requesting that our favorite son, General George Joulwan, relocate to his hometown of Pottsville after he retired. When the petition failed I tried to figure out why he should have selected Pottsville for his retirement homestead. I came up with ten reasons.The Pottsville Republican ran the list (but censored the last suggestion)but without comment, the General rejected everyone one of the reasons. I don't know why.

Top Ten Reasons General Joulwan should retire in Pottsville:

• Tanks will be permitted to participate in the Cruise Night Parade.


• The Mayor will cease his hunger strike if he agrees to return.


• Beetle Bailey, Sgt. Snorkel, and Steve Canyon cartoon cut-outs will be erected on Garfield Square during the Christmas season.


• He would be slam-dunk for title of "King of the Vulcans" or mascot "Pottsie Ottsie" during the Winter Carnival.


• Retired military will get a discount at the Joulwan Park "chip and putt."


• The roomy, vacant Yuengling Ice Cream Dairy across from the Brewery has a war-torn Bosnia feel to it, and therefore would be a perfect location to work on memoirs.


• The city needs real leadership if it wants to finally come out on top in the annual Pottsville-Port Carbon War Games.


• Only a former NATO commander is able to groom, discipline and whip the American Way May Fair attendees into shape.


• Rumor has it that an Army-Navy surplus store may reopen on Centre Street.


• While it may not be "Tail Hook," the Winter Carnival offers a great time to all that attend.

The Cartoon Riot in Garfield Square

Originally published after the Danish Cartoon riots of 2006 . I have more respect for the Danish now.

I am following the story of the cartoon riots sweeping the world, apparently the biggest craze since the witchcraft trials of the seventeenth century. Isn’t it refreshing to watch grown men act like rabid animals over something so inane as cartoon? This commotion certainly brought back fond memories of the infamous Cartoon Riot that occurred in Garfield Square during the mid-twentieth century. I am sure you all remember the massive demonstrations, the beheadings, the bombings, and other acts of random mayhem that occurred when the cartoon characters started to outnumber the local residents in Garfield Square during the “Christmas Season.” For those not familiar with the Christmas Season, it is the period of time commencing on Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving) and ending on January 8th, the Feast of the King, or Elvis’ Birthday. Many still think of Christmas as a solemn time honoring the humble birth of Jesus Christ, and for that reason the idea of the Square, located in the heart of Pottsville, approximately one hour drive from Bethlehem and Nazareth, being overrun by The Tasmanian Devil, Broom Hilda, and Mandrake the Magician was blasphemous, leading to the massive civil unrest.
You may ask ‘Why Garfield Square?’ Why ‘cartoons?’ The answer is quite obvious. The Square was named after a fat, lazy, cynical orange cartoon cat who loves lasagna, coffee, and his remote control. There was not a better place to honor other famous cartoon characters. However this idea backfired.
The Square was not always Garfield Square; for a long time it was “Market Square.” The change in names was instigated by events occurring to our north. Apparently the city officials of Mauch Chunk in Carbon County decided to fix up its historical district and then rename the city “Jim Thorpe” in honor of the famed athlete whose corpse they purchased; enabling the city to cash in on the tourist dollars. Envious Pottsville City officials decided to follow suit. It was unanimously decided that it was not a good investment to preserve Pottsville’s unique architecture as the city of Jim Thorpe did. Therefore, all of Pottsville’s old buildings were re-classified as ‘pre-parking lots’ and left to decay until someone needed a place to park a car, at which time HARB would issue a demolition permit. All demolition permits needed HARB stamp of approval and the permits were given out like candy in the Lions Halloween Parade.
The idea of renaming a part of the city in honor of a national figure, rather than a local politician, was agreed to only after several weeks of cantankerous debate. City Scouts were quickly dispatched with shovels in hand into the hinterlands to seek out a cadaver of a famous individual to be re-interned at the Square, but they all came back empty handed. There were no celebrity corpses for sale anymore; apparently Mauch Chunk had purchased the last one available. A debate then raged over the renaming the Square after a well-known living individual. This was revolutionary, as in the history of Pottsville, all its buildings and streets were named only after local politicians. To rename the Square after a living nationally known figure was quite bold and daring. Pottsville was never noted for its boldness, so a compromise was reached. Grade school children will remember this from their American History as “The Great Compromise.” The Square would be renamed after a well known animated figure rather a living person. While many animated felines were suggested- Sylvester, Felix, and Cheshire, to name just a few – the council decided on “Garfield” the lovable self-centered couch potato, as he projected just the right image that the city desired to capture. During a beautiful and touching ceremony Market Square was renamed “Garfield Square,” with hundreds of well-wishers packing the streets, and even John F. Kennedy stopping by to see what was happening.
Word quickly spread throughout the nation that the famous feline was being honored in Pottsville and soon the city Square became a hang-out for many old time cartoon characters; a sort of Sunset Strip or Times Square for animated has-beens. One could drive by at any time of day or night and be pestered by Snuffy Smith and Mary Worth with squeegee in hand; propositioned by Wonder Woman, Mammy Youcum and Brenda Starr; intimidated by the sight of Alley Oop, Joe Palooka and the Katzenjammer Kids walking side-by-side as they glared at you; panhandled for loose change by Whimpy and Linus; and saddened by the seeing Orphan Annie, Charlie Brown, Nancy and Sluggo, now disheveled and homeless runaways left to fend for themselves in the heart of the anthracite coal region. The number of cartoon characters wandering Market Street soon created animosity within the community bringing tempers to the breaking point.
As religion is often a good excuse to be cruel to others, violence erupted to clear the infidel cartoons from the Square once and for all. Blasphemy would be punished and soon feathers began to fly after the local crowd ripped Huey, Dewey, Louie, Tweetie and Daffy to shreds in the name of the Almighty. It did not take long for the Square to be cleared of the cartoons once and for all and the Cartoon Riot of Pottsville soon faded into history. The Pottsville Minister of Propaganda quickly redid the history books; soon it was taught that Garfield Square was named after a former U.S. President who regularly ate hamburgers at the nearby Diner while reading the funny papers.